Tuesday Tidbit: What's your family's role in your memoir?

Check out Victoria Costello's very helpful book, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Writing a Memoir. 

You might already have the perfect Christmas gift for your family

Any day now we’re going to start seeing Christmas decorations in stores. Can you believe it?

That means most of us will soon stress about choosing just the right gifts for everyone on our lists.

If you’re like me, you worry—Is this in style? What size does he wear? Would she wear this color? I loved this book—but would he? Does this style match her décor? Does he already have one of these?

Today people own more trinkets and gadgets and junk than they need or can use, or even want, yet when Christmas comes around, we pace shopping malls ad nauseum searching for new trinkets, gadgets, and junk to give family and friends.

Let me suggest an alternative, something much better:

Give relatives a copy of your memoir. If you haven’t completed it—even if you’ve written only a few vignettes—no problem. Give what you have completed.

Give them a gift of yourself.

Your stories—and your family’s unique part in them—

will never go out of style,

and you don’t need to worry about

buying the right style or size or color.

Tell recipients it’s an early draft, just the beginning, and that you’ll add more stories later.

Have I convinced you yet? I hope so.

And I have good news: You have about 11 weeks to revise and edit and polish your vignettes.

To help with that editing, ask a qualified person to critique your manuscript. Avoid enlisting family and friends. Frank P. Thomas advises:

“…Choose that person carefully. Remember that friends or relatives tend to overpraise, and others may criticize merely to impress you with their knowledge.”

Instead, he says, “Pick someone who cares about writing besides caring about you, such as an English teacher, a teacher of writing courses, or someone in your local writers’ club.”

I agree with Thomas. In a local writers’ group, critique partners can give you impartial, objective, and often professional feedback. I treasure my critique partners.

Thomas recommends asking our critique partners questions such as, “Are there any passages that will not be clearly understood? Are there any omissions or inaccuracies? Are any parts of the manuscript repetitious? What parts do you like best? Least? Are there any glaring errors of grammar or spelling?” (Frank P. Thomas, How to Write the Story of Your Life)

Refuse to get defensive when you receive feedback. Don’t take suggestions as personal insults. Critique is not the same as criticism.

A critique is an evaluation, an assessment, an analysis. It’s not criticism or disapproval.

So, when you receive your critique partners’ responses, remember: Usually at least some of their findings will help improve your manuscript. If any comments don’t “fit,” ignore them and move on.

Revise your vignettes as needed—but don’t print them yet.

Come back Tuesday for tips on assembling your stories as well as key components to prepare and include in your published memoir.

For now, make a commitment to give what you’ve written—however long or short—as a down payment, a pledge of more to come. Promise your recipients a finished memoir in the future—maybe next Christmas.

Be sure to return Tuesday for more helpful tips.

When even God says you’re old

Today I’m celebrating … um … I am observing a significant birthday.

Getting old humbles a woman.

The other day I looked over my body, wondering if I could find one square inch without wrinkles. I found a place—depending on how I hold my arm—but I tell ya, it’s not easy to show off the underside of my forearm in public.

As if that’s not humbling enough, even God seems to be reminding me I’m old.

While thumbing through my Bible I ran across this—highlighted! Who highlighted it?!? Not me!—so I took it as a sign to apply the verse personally:

In Joshua 13, God looked at Joshua and said, “You are getting very old.”

Sheesh! I suppose He’s looking at me today and thinking the same thing.

I’ve wanted to hear Him say many things, but never that. Never, “Linda, you are getting very old.”

Joshua must have squirmed at what God said next: He pointed out Joshua still had big tasks to carry out before it was too late—duties only Joshua could complete.

God listed specifics and then said, “You’ve gotta do this, Joshua, as an inheritance. Leave this legacy for your tribes—your family. Do it. Do it now.”

That got me to thinking. And squirming. He has tasks for me to accomplish while I’m still walking on this earth, things He wants me to pass on to my kids, grandkids, and great-grands. 

It’s like He is saying, “You’ve gotta do this, Linda, as an inheritance. Leave this legacy for your tribes—your family. Do it. Do it now.”

I can’t know how many days or weeks or years I will have to prepare and complete that legacy so I’ve been asking myself,

• What should be my priorities?
• What am I doing with the time I have left? Am I wasting it with pursuits that have little or no significance? What activities do I need to set aside so I can spend my time wisely?
• What legacy do I need to be working on?

One of my priorities is carrying out Deuteronomy 4:9, “Always remember what you’ve seen God do for you and be sure to tell your children and grandchildren!”

I want to tell our stories—not because our family is special but because God is special. 

It’s not about us. It’s all about God. I want my stories to celebrate Him.

Perhaps you, too, suspect it’s time to rearrange your priorities. What legacy should you be preparing before it's too late?

Since inheritances come in assorted forms and shapes and sizes, which are the most important to pass on to your kids, grandkids, and great-grands?

Do you hear God’s voice today? In one way or another, He’s whispering in your ear, “You’ve gotta do this, (fill in your name), as an inheritance. Leave this legacy for your family. Do it. Do it now.”

Focus on finishing well and leaving God-and-you stories for your kids, grandkids, and great-grands—not because you’re so special, but because God is so special.

He can use your stories to bless, 

teach, entertain, challenge, 

and shape those who come after you—for His glory.

Revised from original post published June 27, 2012

Tuesday Tidbit: What are you waiting for?

Jesus said, 

"Go tell your family everything God has done for you" (Luke 8:39).

What are you waiting for?

Does your memoir capture God in your everydayness?

Jesus said, “Go tell your family everything God has done for you” (Luke 8:39). That’s what writing a memoir is about!

That doesn’t mean you have to write about only God. That doesn’t mean you must write His name on every page, or even in every chapter.

But your job as a memoirist is, first, to recognize and know that God was involved in all you experienced and, second, to  explain that to your readers, especially in the end, in your grand finale.

But, you might be saying, I’ve lived such a mundane life—just a normal, commonplace life. Nothing noteworthy has happened to me or my family.

If that’s the way you see your life, wait! Ponder Heschel’s words in I Asked For Wonder:

And isn’t Heschel correct? The Bible is full of stories

about God’s involvement in everyday trivialities.

And God has been involved in your ordinary, unremarkable days. 

Don’t doubt it!

Think about young David,

year after year herding his sheep,

living a quiet, apparently insignificant life.

Yet God joined with him there

and taught him

and prepared him for his future

and inspired him to write those precious Psalms.

(How much poorer our lives would be

without those shepherd-boy’s writings!)

Your job is to peel back layers and dig for those gems—God-things that were happening, which perhaps you didn’t recognize at the time—and when you discover them, you will be full of wonder!

So, write your stories. They are important—if they weren’t, we wouldn’t find instructions in both Old and New Testaments to tell our children and grandchildren what we’ve seen God do for us. Writing your memoir is not a hobby—it’s a ministry!

Keep plugging away. Eventually you’ll finish your collection of vignettes and you can publish your memoir. When you do, you’ll have done what Jesus said—you’ll have told your family what God has done for you and for them.

When you do that, be sure to let us know here at SM 101. 

(On Tuesday, Linda Moore Kurth left a comment 

on her almost-complete memoir. 

Congratulations, Linda! 

How about the rest of you? 

How much of your memoir have you finished? 

We'd love to hear from you!)

Tuesday Tidbit: From generation to generation

Here’s your 15 seconds of inspiration, your Tuesday Tidbit:

“Some of the best stories

are those spun from everyday life

or from our past.

Family stories are held together

and handed down

from generation to generation

in stories.

And these strong cords of memory

actually become

the ties that bind.”

Chuck Swindoll

(emphasis mine)

Tuesday Tidbit: Deliberate exploration

Jesus said,

'Go

tell your family

everything 

God 

has done

for you.'

Luke 8:39

What has God done for you in the past?

What things might you have overlooked?

Make time to 

deliberately explore

what God has done for you.

Take all the time you need.

Determine

to write stories

about those things

and include them

in your memoir.

Who are the strategically placed people in your life?

Think about a person who made a positive impact on your life—a person who changed your life, whose life still ripples through yours today even if you live far apart, even if that person has died:

a soldier,

fireman,

grandparent,

preacher,

teacher,

singer,

supervisor,

janitor,

missionary,

neighbor,

doctor,

store clerk,

professor,

farmer,

policeman,

classmate,

teammate,

college roommate.

Perhaps even a stranger.

Or maybe a person from past generations:

a scientist,

artist,

pioneer,

sailor,

inventor,

explorer,

song writer,

spiritual leader,

writer,

world leader.

What, specifically, did she do that influenced your life?

What words did he say that made all the difference?

What good example did she live which inspired you to live in the same way?

How did his choices give you courage to shape yours?

How different would your life be without that person’s involvement?

Memoirist Kathy Pooler reminded us recently: “Hindsight seems to bring about new clarity and wisdom,” so take time—make time—to seek clarity and wisdom to discern how God has intentionally brought special people into your life.

You might not have recognized, back then, the significance of his or her mark on your life, so dig deep into your memory to detect how God worked through those relationships and experiences to make you who you are today.

Notice the ways God has used those people to protect you, maybe redirect you, and strengthen your faith.

Start writing even before you have remembered everything, before you know where your story is going and how it will end.

Why? Because much more hides within your experience than you realize right now. Writing leads to discovery. Roger Housden says it this way:

“…[A]s much as we think we know about our story,

there is far more waiting to surprise us

when our own words hit the page.”

So, write your stories!

Write them not as a hobby but as a ministry to your family.

Writing your memoir 

is a sacred work, 

a high calling, 

a divine project.

Your kids and grandkids and great-grands need to know about the people who invested in you and guided you—and probably even kept you from doing a few stupid things. Just think: Your stories could have a life-changing impact on your readers, passing the original blessings on to future generations.

“There are generations yet unborn

whose very lives will be shifted and shaped

by the moves you make

and the

actions you take today….”

Andy Andrews

The Butterfly Effect

Your ancestors: What role do they play?

Do you agree with Victoria Costello?

If you agree, or disagree, leave a comment below or on Facebook.

(Can you find me in this photo? Leave a comment below or on Facebook.)

I’m back from family time! With photos!

I took a break to enjoy some very special family times, and here’s a photo to give you a hint as to what it was all about:

That’s my granddaughter, Maggie.

If you read my memoir, Grandma’s Letters from Africa, you’ll recall that Maggie was born a few months after my husband and I moved to Africa, and the memoir is a collection of letters I wrote to her over a four-year period.

Here’s an old picture of Maggie and me when, by God’s delightful grace, I had returned to the US for meetings about an hour away from where she lived:

When I wrote the letters, I knew she was too young to read or understand them, but I also knew she’d grow up and would one day enjoy the stories I wrote for her.

And yes, she grew up! (How did that happen so fast?!?) She got married last week, and started her student teaching this week. Wow!

We are now looking at photos and reliving the countless fun times we had with Maggie and our son, daughter-in-law, and their whole family. Dear precious family members traveled from Washington, Idaho, and California to celebrate with us. We had a week full of love and laughter and pranks and games and eating, lots of eating.

And now, it’s back to writing!

Family Time

I’m taking a blogging break for a week or so 

for some very special family time.

My kids and grandkids 

will remember these people 

and events 

and experiences 

for a lifetime 

and, being the memoir nerd that I am, 

I hope and pray they’ll write stories about this time 

for their future generations to enjoy!

I’ll be back soon.

Tuesday Tidbit: Your life, a detective story

“ . . . Everybody’s life, I believe,

is a kind of detective story,

every clue of our forbearers’ lives,

every decision,

missed opportunity,

guessed motivation,

a part of the solution to our own existence.”  

Robin Hemley 

quoted by Dr. Linda Joy Myers  

Tell them who they are, to whom they belong, and …

Oh, wow. A blog post that sounded like music, like a symphony. Rachel’s words rang oh-so-true and I knew I had to share them with you.

You’ll want to read the whole post but below is the excerpt that made my heart sing.

"Telling them the story that they couldn't remember

but which belonged to them

was like cracking open a space in their self-identity

and pouring in the backstory.

This is where you came from,

this is what brought you to this here and this now.

This is what we once feared and grieved

and how we moved forward.

This is your story,

this is who we are."

Rachel Pieh Jones, "Telling Them Their Story"

Like Rachel, you and I mustn't assume our kids, grands, and great-grands know stories from when they were little.

And we must be deliberate in telling them important stories that happened before they were born, intentional in telling them stories that would have a significant impact on them once they were born.

Remember, your children were not the ones who saw and experienced the Lord your God: His majesty, His greatness, His awesome power. It was not your children who saw what he did for you in your desert wilderness and how He brought you to this place. No, you saw these things with your own eyes (Deuteronomy 11:2-7, paraphrased). 

Therefore…

We will tell the next generation the praise-worthy deeds of the Lord, his power, and the wonders he has done … so the next generation would know … even the children yet to be born, and they in turn would tell their children. Then they would put their trust in God and would not forget his deeds, but would keep his commands (Psalm 78:4b, 6-7 NIV). 

We need to tell our children, grandchildren and great-grands who they are, to whom they belong, and how they became who they are and where they are.

What brought you to where you are now?

What brought your kids and grandkids to where they are now?

To whom do they belong?

What events, what stories, belong to your family and shaped who you all are?

You have a great opportunity to carry out a holy work.

Writing your stories is so much more than a hobby, so much more than just telling stories and spinning yarns and reminiscing about the past.

You have stories only you can tell.

You are part of a story much bigger than you. Your story includes earlier generations, and it's your privilege to be sure your kids and grands and great-grands know their part in that story, too.

Writing your stories is a ministry!

Write stories that will be like

"cracking open a space in their self-identity

and pouring in the backstory."

Write stories that tell your family:

"This is your story,

this is who we are."

Tuesday Tidbit: Leave behind much more than your possessions

Here’s your 15 seconds of inspiration,

today’s Tuesday Tidbit:

“What is your legacy to the world?

What will happen to your experiences,

thoughts, perceptions,

and memories—

the stories you’ve created to make sense of life?

Will you contribute to the rich history of your family

by writing your own stories?

Or will you leave behind

only your possessions

and other physical evidence of your time on earth?”

Amber Lea Starfire, “Why your stories matter”

(emphasis mine)

Be sure to read the rest of Amber Lea Starfire's post. 

It will inspire you!

Tuesday Tidbit – “We will all die one day”

Here’s your 15 seconds of inspiration for today,

your Tuesday Tidbit:

“We will all die one day.

That is one of the few things we can be sure of.

But will we die well? That is less certain.

Dying well means …

making our lives fruitful for those we leave behind.

The big question, therefore, is …

‘How can I prepare myself for my death

so that

my life can continue to bear fruit

in the generations that will follow me?’”

(Henri Nouwen, Bread for the Journey)

One way to "bear fruit in the generations that will follow" is to do what Jesus said, “Go back to your family and tell them everything God has done for you. 

Get your God-and-you stories into writing for your family!

Christmas

Since I spent a number of years far from family—

a few in South America, more years in Africa—

this year I'll take a wee little break from blogging 

to cherish time with kids, grandkids, 

siblings and their families, and parents-in-law.

Have a blessed Christmas season.

See you in the New Year!

Tuesday Tidbit: The divine task before you

Here's your 15 seconds of inspiration,

your Tuesday Tidbit:

Our dysfunctional families

Does your family tree include a few messed up people?

You probably answered “yes,” and that’s OK.  Really. Take heart: Jesus’ human genealogy included some messed up people, too. 

In a recent Sunday sermon, son-on-law Brian pointed out that Jesus’ family tree included a liar, a schemer, an adulterer, a murderer, a drunkard, a prostitute.…

We all have blemished families, in varying degrees.

But here's the good news: God used Jesus’ less-than-perfect human family and God can use yours and mine, too.

How can that be? It doesn’t seem possible that God could use defective, broken, scarred families and their stories.

How could God use OUR stories? 

“It’s purely because of grace,” said Brian.

God doesn’t make us submit an application listing our qualifications. “It’s not about qualifications,” he said. “We base our lives on God’s promises of faithfulness and grace.”

What would we be without God’s forgiveness and lavish grace?

I want to fall on my face in tears when I think what I’d be without God’s merciful grace.

Our lives matter

because

of God’s grace and forgiveness

and healing and faithfulness. 

Our lives matter

because

God reaches out to us

in our disasters and calamities

and gives us second chances:

He heals us spiritually,

mentally, emotionally,

physically, relationally.

That’s how we can go on with our lives. And that’s why we can, and should, tell what He has done in our families and daily activities.

In fact, we need to tell our stories. Jesus said, “Go back and tell your family all God has done for you” (Mark 5:19; Luke 8:39).

God uses stories. They are among His most powerful tools.

You are part of a story

much bigger than yourself.

Your story is important.

It’s part of God’s story,

and God’s story is part of your story.

Connect your story with God’s story—

not as a hobby, but as a ministry to your family.

Write your stories. Yes, acknowledge the problems, but instead of dwelling on wreckage and malfunctions, tell what God has done to turn lives around. 

Other dysfunctional people—that’s all of us—need to know how God helped you. Tell us your stories: We want to know how God can bring help and healing and hope into our own lives and families.

Related posts:  

Some of Us Have Tangled Family Trees

Your stories are important

Your words could take up residence in someone’s soul

Jesus replied with a story

The “secret sauce” 

Keep writing your stories

Your memoir can have an outcome beyond your expectations 

“Say it”