You might already have the perfect Christmas gift for your family

Any day now we’re going to start seeing Christmas decorations in stores. Can you believe it?

That means most of us will soon stress about choosing just the right gifts for everyone on our lists.

If you’re like me, you worry—Is this in style? What size does he wear? Would she wear this color? I loved this book—but would he? Does this style match her décor? Does he already have one of these?

Today people own more trinkets and gadgets and junk than they need or can use, or even want, yet when Christmas comes around, we pace shopping malls ad nauseum searching for new trinkets, gadgets, and junk to give family and friends.

Let me suggest an alternative, something much better:

Give relatives a copy of your memoir. If you haven’t completed it—even if you’ve written only a few vignettes—no problem. Give what you have completed.

Give them a gift of yourself.

Your stories—and your family’s unique part in them—

will never go out of style,

and you don’t need to worry about

buying the right style or size or color.

Tell recipients it’s an early draft, just the beginning, and that you’ll add more stories later.

Have I convinced you yet? I hope so.

And I have good news: You have about 11 weeks to revise and edit and polish your vignettes.

To help with that editing, ask a qualified person to critique your manuscript. Avoid enlisting family and friends. Frank P. Thomas advises:

“…Choose that person carefully. Remember that friends or relatives tend to overpraise, and others may criticize merely to impress you with their knowledge.”

Instead, he says, “Pick someone who cares about writing besides caring about you, such as an English teacher, a teacher of writing courses, or someone in your local writers’ club.”

I agree with Thomas. In a local writers’ group, critique partners can give you impartial, objective, and often professional feedback. I treasure my critique partners.

Thomas recommends asking our critique partners questions such as, “Are there any passages that will not be clearly understood? Are there any omissions or inaccuracies? Are any parts of the manuscript repetitious? What parts do you like best? Least? Are there any glaring errors of grammar or spelling?” (Frank P. Thomas, How to Write the Story of Your Life)

Refuse to get defensive when you receive feedback. Don’t take suggestions as personal insults. Critique is not the same as criticism.

A critique is an evaluation, an assessment, an analysis. It’s not criticism or disapproval.

So, when you receive your critique partners’ responses, remember: Usually at least some of their findings will help improve your manuscript. If any comments don’t “fit,” ignore them and move on.

Revise your vignettes as needed—but don’t print them yet.

Come back Tuesday for tips on assembling your stories as well as key components to prepare and include in your published memoir.

For now, make a commitment to give what you’ve written—however long or short—as a down payment, a pledge of more to come. Promise your recipients a finished memoir in the future—maybe next Christmas.

Be sure to return Tuesday for more helpful tips.

On wordiness and “little timidities”

When you finish the first draft of your memoir, you might feel like celebrating—and you should! Go ahead and celebrate!

But don’t think you’ll be publishing that memoir soon. First you have a lot of editing and revising to do, and part of that process is having critique partners give you feedback. They can help you notice and correct many boo-boos. (Click on Critiques Make Your Writing Better.)

But before you involve critique partners, do everything you can to make your manuscript as perfect as possible.  Part of that includes fixing all types of wordiness:

Henry was overweight at that point in time.

I took a boat to get me to the open-air market.

I drove to the hardware to buy some nails.

She  managed to call called the salon and made an appointment.

She headed into the market to try and buy some chicken to eat for supper.

He packed up the car.

His beat included some of the nearby neighborhoods.

She worried about the dogs that came and barked at her toddler.

Grandma tried to calm her down so the rest of us could settle down for the night.

He wanted to spend some time learning learn about the Clallam Indian culture.

It involved negotiation on several different levels.

Professor Smith will make a decision decide Friday about Ken’s oral exam.

Often (but not always) you can cut “that” from a sentence. Here’s an example: “I know that you are busy but I think that this is information that you need to know.” Here’s another example: “He was afraid that I’d spoil his birthday surprise.”

William Zinsser offers this advice: “Prune out all the small words that qualify how you feel and how you think and what you saw: ‘a bit,’ ‘a little,’ ‘sort of,’ ‘kind of,’ ‘rather,’ ‘quite,’ ‘very,’ ‘too,’ ‘pretty much,’ ‘in a sense,’ and dozens more. They dilute both your style and your persuasiveness.

“Don’t say you were a bit confused,” Zinsser continues, “and sort of tired and a little depressed and somewhat annoyed. Be confused. Be tired. Be depressed. Be annoyed. Don’t hedge your prose with little timidities. Good writing is lean and confident.” (On Writing Well)

This type of Editing can be tedious, 

but think of it as polishing and perfecting a gem. 

Invest time in making your memoir sparkle.

What’s the point?

Let me tell you about three men who try my patience.

Two of them, authors (as part of their professions), are famous throughout North America and Britain. You'd recognize their names but I won't identify them because one is a friend and I don't want to embarrass him.

The third is a friend and, because there's no way he'll ever read this blog post, I'll tell you his name: Len.  

What drives me crazy about these three is a little flaw in communication style.

Let's start with Len. Dozes of times my husband and I have sat around a dinner table with Len and his wife. Len has A Point to make but instead of stating it, he lists stats and tells an interesting little story and gives out more stats and tells another story, all the while circling around and around The Point—but he never states The Point.

A legendary cross country coach, Len often talks about a runner's performance but, since I'm only slightly acquainted with cross country, I can't figure out if Len's stats and tales make The Point that the runner is a potential Olympic athlete or a pathetic has-been with no future in cross country. Len talks all around The Point but never states The Point. It's clear to him, but not to every one of his listeners.

The two authors do the same in their writing. They are passionate about their messages but, like Len, they approach The Point from various angles and talk circles around The Point without ever stating The Point. The point is obvious to them, but not to every one of their readers.

Recently I read a memoir by my friend and in numerous places I struggled to make sense of it. I read many passages several times but rarely figured out the guy's Point.

Honestly, I was worried: Was I showing the first signs of dementia?

I persevered to the end, though, and set the book aside, befuddled. And worried about my brain.

I've read several books since then and had no trouble comprehending them.

Now I'm reading my friend's book again. I'm still having trouble figuring out The Points but this time I'm not worried about dementia. Now I know the problem: It's his communication style.

He doesn't realize he's not fully communicating—he has a blind spot.

We all have blind spots. That's why we need others to read our rough drafts and give us honest critiques.

So here's My Point: Spell out Your Points.

The vignettes—the stories, the accounts—that you write into your memoir are important: They illustrate a principle or lesson you learned, something valuable you want to share with your readers.

It’s fine to list stats and include anecdotes and examine Your Point from various angles but, when the time is right, draw everything together in a specific statement that makes Your Point clear for readers. Jesse Hines says it this way: “… crystallize it in one short, snappy sentence.”

“Many writers have a general idea of what they want to say….

[T]hey start out writing,

touching on their topic from different angles,

and including every bit of information

they think is relevant.

The writing may end up readable

and professional sounding,

but the readers will come away thinking that,

while they understood the gist of the author’s intent,

they can’t precisely say what the take-home point was.

This is usually because the writer

never really knew what it was either.”

Jesse Hines (emphasis mine)

So, while you revise and polish your memoir, focus on clarity: Ask yourself: 

• Do I know what My Point is?/Points are?
• Does my vignette/chapter/entire memoir state The Point?
• Will my readers grasp the take-home point, the takeaway?

When you’ve finished your manuscript, or a vignette or a chapter, ask a fellow writer to critique it. Ask him or her to check for clarity.

Critique partners are valuable allies in this often-mysterious journey called writing. Their blind spots are different from yours, which is a blessing because they help you discover parts of your stories that need changes. Your goal is to make your stories as clear as they can be for the sake of your readers, and a critique partner can help you do that.

Your story matters.

Your memoir can serve as:

• a bridge between you and others,
• a way for others to benefit from lessons you’ve learned and insights you’ve gained,
• an instrument to promote forgiveness and understanding,
• an means of offering hope,
• a way to comfort others with the comfort God has given you (2 Corinthians 1:4).

"At times our own light goes out and is rekindled 

by a spark from another person. 

Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude 

of those who have lighted the flame within us." 

Albert Schweitzer

Your memoir: a matchless Christmas gift

Are you in a tizzy trying to think up Christmas gift ideas for everyone on your list?

If you’re like me, you worry—Is this in style? What size does he wear? Would this color match her decor?

Today, people own more trinkets and gadgets and junk than they need, or can use, or even want, yet when Christmas comes around, we pace shopping malls ad nauseum searching for new kinds of trinkets, gadgets, and junk to give family and friends.

Let me suggest an alternative, something much better:

Give your family members a copy of your memoir—a gift of yourself and of their unique place in your family, God’s family, and the world.

If you haven’t finished your memoir—even if you’ve written only a few vignettes—no problem. Give what you have completed.

Tell recipients this is an early draft, just the beginning, and that you’ll add more stories later.

You still have five weeks to edit and revise your vignettes.

To help with your editing task, ask a “reader” for feedback on your vignettes. Frank P. Thomas advises:

“… Choose that person carefully. Remember that friends or relatives tend to overpraise, and others may criticize merely to impress you with their knowledge.

“What you are looking for is impartial, objective criticism. Pick someone who cares about writing besides caring about you, such as an English teacher, a teacher of writing courses, or someone in your local writers’ club. As you hand your edited manuscript to your reader (never show a first draft) ask specific questions. Are there any passages that will not be clearly understood? Are there any omissions or inaccuracies. Are any parts of the manuscript repetitious? What parts did you like best? Least? Are there any glaring errors of grammar or spelling?

“You may want two people to read your memoir copy. However, bear in mind: They are not passing final judgment on what you have written. You are.… Pick and choose from the comments made only what you believe will strengthen the memoir—then discard the rest.” (Frank P. Thomas, How to Write the Story of Your Life)

Revise your vignettes as needed, polish, and print them.

In coming days I’ll share a couple of practical ways to put your stories together, and I'll suggest items you’ll want to include in your gift, but for now, make a commitment to give what you’ve written—however long or short—as a down payment, a pledge of more to come. Promise your recipients a finished copy later. How about next Christmas?

Wrap your stories in Christmas paper and tie them in bows. Your stories—and your friends’ and family’s part in them—will never go out of style, and you don’t need to worry about buying the right color or size.

Your memoir: a gift that will live long beyond your lifetime.