Tuesday, December 29, 2020

Our memories of 2020 are going to be "muddled and confused"

 

Musings for the end of 2020, the year of the Coronavirus pandemic:


Our memories of this moment are going to be muddled and confused, says Jennifer Talarico, a psychology professor at Lafayette College who studies how people remember their lives, and how public events affect that. We're going to be left with this vague notion that's going to be hard to articulate, hard to describe, hard to capture for those folks who haven't been through it.” (Ted Anthony) 

 

And yet, your job and mine, as memoirists, is to push through the confusion and murkiness and, instead, to articulate, describe, and capture what has happened this year.

 

We serve as “a hand pointing in the direction of the past.” (C. H. Spurgeon)

 

But here at SM 101, we do more than that. We do more than tell stories from the past.

 

Here we dig deep within those stories to discover what God has done for us—stories about His constant companionship and provision each day.

 

The beauty of memoir is looking back, examining, and discovering significance we might have missed at the time.

 

At the end of 2020, let’s reflect on the past twelve months because:

 

  • We and people around the world have been tossed about, spun around, and upended by Covid-19 and its ripple effects. The pandemic this year has been unique for everyone—except for those few people still alive who also lived during the Spanish flu pandemic of 1918. But for most of us, a pandemic like this happens only once in a lifetime.
  • As a nation, we’ve also experienced racial unrest, political turmoil, economic tragedies, and social isolation, to name only a few. (See last week’s post, Covid-19 and those “Beneath life’s crushing load.)
  • On top of that, most of us have experienced personal struggles and heartbreaks.

 

This past year has numbed us and bewildered us, and not enough time has passed for us to accurately assess everything that’s happened. Nevertheless, we need to get some of our thoughts and experiences in writing even now. We can go back and revise later.

 

Jennifer Talarico’s words (above) comfort me. They tell me I’m not the only one struggling to find words and discern what, specifically, was going on in various levels of life—my life, my extended family’s life, my fellow citizens’ lives, and of those around the world.

 

Even in a “normal” year, too often we don’t take time to recognize that, in the words of dear old Samuel, “The Lord has helped us every step of the way” (1 Samuel 7:12, NIRV).

 

Back in the 1800s, C. H. Spurgeon pondered that same verse in The King James Version: “Hitherto hath the Lord helped us.”

 

He wrote:

 

“The word ‘hitherto’ seems like a hand pointing in the direction of the past. Twenty years or seventy, and yet ‘hitherto hath the Lord helped us!’”

 

Or, in today’s language, “Whether we’re twenty years old or seventy, ‘the Lord has helped us every step of the way.’”

 

Spurgeon continues,

 

“Through poverty,

through wealth,

through sickness,

through health;

at home,

abroad,

on the land,

on the sea;

in honor,

in dishonor,

in perplexity,

in joy,

in trial,

in triumph,

in prayer,

in temptation,

—‘hitherto hath the Lord helped!’”

 

If we invest time in looking over Spurgeon’s list in light of our own past twelve months, we’ll see that every day, in each event, even in the worst of times, God has always hovered in our midst, has always loved us, and has sent us encouragement and help in practical ways.

 

This is a busy time of year but for now, jot down a list, make a few notes, and promise yourselfand your family, and Godyou’ll write those stories in 2021!

 

Each child, grandchild, great-grandchild—niece, nephew, and “spiritual” child—needs to know your stories. They can serve as a guide to show future generations how to manage their own surprises and emergencies. When your readers see what God did for you, they’ll be more likely to trust Him in their own circumstances.

 

Each story can be a celebration of what God has done.

 

Always remember, and never forget,

what you’ve seen God do for you,

and be sure to tell your children and grandchildren!

(Deuteronomy 4:9)

 


Tuesday, December 22, 2020

Covid-19 and those “Beneath life’s crushing load”

 

Tragedies caused by Covid-19 can certainly be called one of life’s crushing loads. As of this morning, more than 1,700,000 people have died around the world. I estimate that for each one, at least fifty family members and friends are grieving. That number comes to 85,000,000 people mourning those deaths. That’s probably a low figure, and it will continue to grow.

 

Add to that financial disasters to businesses and employees, the enormous emotional and physical toll on first responders and healthcare workers, and people being evicted from their homes.

 

Add to that the isolation so many are experiencing from families at Thanksgiving and Christmas, teachers exhausted as they teach online instead of in person, and students struggling to keep up with their lessons.

 

Add to that careworn parents trying to work from home and supervise kids and help them with their schoolwork—all at the same time. Families are struggling financially because breadwinners have lost their jobs. Thousands every day wait in line for food. Others have enormous medical bills. Those recovering from the virus can have long-term health issues, making it difficult for them to get back on their feet.

 

And doctors and scientists are concerned over a sometimes-deadly syndrome related to Covid-19 which effects children’s “heart, lungs, blood vessels, kidneys, digestive system, brain, skin or eyes.”

 

Now there’s news that the coronavirus has mutated in England, and probably has reached other nations as well, and that the new strain spreads much more quickly than we’ve seen so far.

 

And that just scratches the surface when it comes to Covid-19.

 

In addition, in recent months our nation has experienced political unrest, violence in streets, racial tensions, and significant disagreements among Christian denominations.

 

That’s a lot of heartache to bear.

 

And I’m sure you’ll agree: All of this has added an element of sadness to this Christmas season.

 

In my family, we have our own layers of sadness, but really: We have little to complain about compared to millions of families that have many more problems than we do.

 

I ran across this artwork (see photo below) in an antique Christmas book and its caption took my breath away. “Ye, beneath life’s crushing load,” words from the beloved song, “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear.”

 

The words are so familiar to me—I’ve sung the song for as long as I can remember.

 

But this year, those words take on deeper meaning. I’m glad they caught my attention and jostled my heart and made me care more deeply.

 

Sometimes we want to block out the grimness of a time like this—we desperately want to ease our pain. We grab hold of distractions like Christmas parties and movies and music and decorations and gift-giving.

 

And yet, it’s good to step aside from our giddy Christmas festivities to pray for those suffering around us, in our nation, and around the world—those staggering beneath life’s crushing load.

 

But let’s go beyond that—let’s remember the suffering and sadness we have experienced in the past, and let’s remember the ways God stuck with us and got us through to the other side of the pain.

 

Remember the people He used, the Bible verses, the sermons, the stories He used to minister to us and keep us from going under.

 

Let’s always remember the good God brought to us within our past heartaches and sufferings. And then let’s comfort others with the comfort He has given us (1 Corinthians 1:3-4). How? By telling them our stories.

 

“Listen to your life,” wrote Frederick Buechner. “See it for the fathomless mystery it is. In the boredom and pain of it no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and  hidden heart of it because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.” (Frederick Buechner, Now and Then)

 

Marlene Bagnull wrote, “I discovered the answers he [God] had given me could be a source of help and reassurance to others who asked . . . ‘How Much Longer, Lord?’ . . . I sensed the most difficult things for me to share could be the very words someone else needed to read.” (Marlene Bagnull, Write His Answer)

 

Which people did God use to comfort you when you were staggering beneath life’s crushing load? Thank God for them, (and thank them, too, if you can). Then pass it on: Share your stories with others.

 

Search your mind and heart for stories you need to include in your memoir, stories that will bless and encourage readers.

 

You don’t know what’s in the futureyou can’t know now what will be happening in the lives of your kids, grandkids, great-grandkids, and all the others who will someday read your memoir.

 

Right now you can’t know what crushing loads your readers will be carrying.

 

But this is what you can do right now: Ask God to help you remember the good He brought out of your past heartaches and disasters. Dig deeply, layer by layer, and find the gems. Connect the dots.

 

Spend time recalling specifics of your situation,

Bible verses that made a difference,

God’s answer to prayers,

and people who loved you and stuck by your side.

 

And then, ask God to help you write your stories.

Ask Him to use them to give others

courage and hope and faith,

stories that will help them persevere

beneath life’s crushing load.



 

Tuesday, December 15, 2020

Of Sears Christmas catalogs and Bing Crosby and aluminum Christmas trees

 

Your childhood Christmases were significantly different from those of your kids and grandkids.

 

So, make time to search your memory for specifics so your words and scenes invite readers into your story with you.

 

Did you spend hours looking through the Sears Roebuck Christmas catalog?

 

Did you ask Santa for a cap gun? Or a transistor radio? Or a poodle skirt?

 

I remember asking Santa for a walking doll. (Do you remember walking dolls?) And my little brother asked for, and received, a Howdy Doody puppet-doll. He treasured it for years.

 

If someone in your family got sick on Christmas, did the doctor make a house call?

 

Did you have a real Christmas tree or one of those new-fangled aluminum ones?

 

What unique Christmas traditions did your family carry out?

 

What were your favorite Christmas movies?

 

If you had a TV, did you watch Christmas specials? Andy Williams, Perry Como, and Pat Boone come to mind. To change TV channels, did you have to get out of your chair and walk over and turn a dial? Did you have a rabbit-ear antenna on top of your TV?

 

And don’t miss this blast from the past: Click on Frank Sinatra and Bing Crosby’s 1957 TV Christmas special.

 

What were your favorite Christmas songs? Did you play 45s on an old record player? (Just curious: Do you remember Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer?) Because I grew up surrounded by large numbers of Scandinavians, I have fond memories of one of them, TV personality Stan Boreson, and his classic performance of Vinter Undervare. Don’t miss this video clip! 

 

Did you and your family dress up in fancy clothes and go to church on Christmas Eve? Did your mother sew you a new Christmas dress each year?

 

Or, if you’re a man, did your parents make you wear a tie to the Christmas Eve church service? And did you use Butch Wax to keep your flat-top hair in place?

 

Did Santa leave a pack of Black Jack chewing gum in your stocking? Or candy cigarettes?

 

Did you usually stay home for Christmas, or did you join someone else—grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins, or . . . ?

 

What was likely on your Christmas Day dinner menu? What did your mother or grandmother do with leftovers? If plastic wrap had not yet been invented, what did you use instead? And before plastic garbage bags were invented, what did you use?

 

When I was a kid, no one had a dishwasher. Do you remember helping mom, grandma, aunts, and cousins wash and dry dishes for hours after Christmas dinner?

 

Did your family take photos with a camera that used flashbulbs—or maybe flashcubes—the kind that left you with a glaring blind spot for half a minute or so? Were the photos black and white?

 

Because your childhood was so different from that of your kids and grandkids, such details will invite readers to join you in a rich experience of your Christmases past.

 

Have fun! And be sure to include old photos!




 

Tuesday, December 8, 2020

How to offer your readers hope and life

 

You think you’re just telling a story. But the truth is you’re bringing life.” (Donald Miller)

 

Bringing life! Wow!

 

Today we’re continuing with our recent series on “Make ‘em cry, make ‘em laugh, make ‘em wait” (Wilkie Collins). I hope you’re enjoying this series. I am. It’s the stuff writers enjoy.

 

Why should writers make readers cry and laugh? Because that’s how you hook readers. It’s like a magnet—you make them want to keep reading. And that’s how they find out what you’re offering them.

 

That’s right—I said what you’re offering them. They read for more than entertainment. Readers are looking for what they can get out of your story.

 

Let’s zero in on “make ‘em cry” and what it can do for readers. (If you missed earlier posts about make ‘em cry, click on the links below.)

 

Think back to one of your most painful experiences and let me ask you a question: Wasn’t that when you learned some of your most valuable lessons?

 

Think back again: Weren’t your hardest times the stuff of turning points? Second chances? Personal victories? Spiritual growth? Maturity?

 

Let me ask another question: Did someone else’s story help you get through to the other side of your pain? I have a hunch you can say “yes.” Maybe it was a friend’s story, or a story you read in a book or in the Bible or a Bible study. Or saw in a movie. Or read on Facebook.

 

Now it’s your turn to pass on your story to others who need hope.

 

“Beyond the beautifully strung together words

we leave on the page,

we also leave behind

concrete proof that we survived.”

Ellen Blum Barish

 

You see, God might be doing something bigger—something broader and deeper and higherthan only in you. He can use your experience to help others, inspire action, and increase faith.

 

Make ‘em cry.

Tears are a universal language.

Tears connect people.

Tears allow people to share an experience.

 

“I felt a strong pull . . . to write my story,” says Jennifer C. Steele, “so I began the process. It was by no means easy. I had to re-live all of the hard memories again. I had to process emotions that I thought were long gone. I felt deep sadness and anger and experienced the loss at the same intensity as I did when it first occurred. I wanted to quit, numerous times.

 

“But that little voice that kept saying, ‘your story is going to help someone like you’ kept me going over and over. . . .

 

Each person that I have shared this story with has told me they could relate in some way and has thanked me for sharing.

 

If you feel like you have a story inside of you that needs to come out, don’t be afraid to share it.” (Jennifer C. Steele, author of One Step at A Time)

 

Avoid over-the-top, frenzied drama. Avoid exaggerating. Avoid pity-parties and wallowing but be honest in admitting your emotions.

 

To paraphrase Larry Brooks,

make your readers happy they are not there,

but grateful to feel what it was like to be you.

 

Don’t waste your trials,” my son-in-law said in a sermon. “God might allow something hard so you can encourage others. . . . Use your problems as an opportunity.”

 

Make yourself vulnerable. Write about your hurts.

 

“Your story should incorporate some joy. But pain is the Great Teacher,” writes Donald Miller.

 

By bringing meaning to the pain, you bring meaning to the pain of the world. This is why people need story.

 

They want to know they’re not alone. Others suffer just like them. They want to know their suffering has purpose, that there is hope, redemption. . . . You think you’re just telling a story. But the truth is you’re bringing life.” (Donald Miller, “The Meaning of Pain”)



 

Related links:

Make ‘em cry

Make ‘em cry along with you as you cry

How and when to write the seared, charred, blistered parts

 

Tuesday, December 1, 2020

Using method writing to make ‘em cry: Your memoir must evoke an emotional response

 

“Leave your readers with their mouths open in awe, or laughing hysterically, or crying tears of sympathy and sadness—all three,” writes The Write Life Team.

 

Why?

 

Because that keeps audiences engaged. And that’s important because it enables them to join you in your experience, learn from you, and apply your life lessons to their own lives.

 

I’m talking about offering readers takeaways: your insights that they can apply to their own lives, lessons you learned that will guide them in the future, a resource for living life well, a reason to hope, a reason to trust God, and a better understanding of themselves.

 

And so, your memoir needs to evoke an emotional response in readers.

 

“Take them on an emotional journey which will provoke them to read the next chapter, [and] wonder about you well after they finish the last page,” the Write Life Team continues.

 

“The best way to evoke these feelings in your readers is to connect your emotions . . . with pivotal events happening through your narrative arc [plot].”

 

Regarding that narrative arc, or plot, the Team says, “In school, our teachers used to draw a ‘mountain’ and once we reached the precipice, we were to fill in the climactic point of the book. . . . You need to create enough tension to shape your overall story, as well as each individual chapter, with that narrative arc.” (The Write Life Team)

 

With that in mind, let’s get back to what we’ve been studying in recent weeks, Wilkie Collins’s advice to writers: “Make ‘em cry, make ‘em laugh, make ‘em wait.”

 

Making readers cry means that in order for you to write about your painful experiences, you must re-live that pain. (See Make ‘em cry along with you as you cry.)

 

When you’re ready to write the seared, charred, blistered parts, Bill Roorbach, in his Writing Life Storiessuggests you utilize method writing, a spin-off of method acting.

 

Here’s how method acting works: Before the curtain rises, the actor remembers a time in which he experienced the emotion he needs to act out. He spends time reliving that emotion so that when he steps on stage, he’s all wrapped up in that emotion and succeeds in playing his part.

 

Method writing, then, requires you to step out of the present and into the past. If you’re writing about a tragic event, take time (make time) to remember the event and relive it so you can discover the emotions you felt.

 

Avoid over-the-top hysteria but be honest in admitting your emotions.

 

While reliving that situation and emotion, ask yourself:

 

  • What was at stake? What did I have to lose or gain?
  • What dreams would never come true?
  • At the time, how did I envision my life would never be the same?
  • What did I fear most?
  • Where would I find courage to live another day?
  • What did I pray for??—beg God for?

 

When you’re caught up again in that emotion, get it onto paper or computer screen. Remember: You’re only writing a rough draft. You can revise it later. For now, begin by searching for the best words.

 

Your “emotion should be so realistic and gripping

that the reader can’t help but feel it too.”

(Becca Puglisi)



 

Tuesday, November 24, 2020

How and when to write the seared, charred, blistered parts

 

I’ve seen this happen too often and saw it again when my friend began writing his memoir—by writing about the most traumatic year of his life. Yikes!

 

When memoirists start by writing the super-painful stuff, too often they become overwhelmed all over again with the devastation they endured—and soon they give up writing altogether. Don’t let that happen to you.

 

Please hear this: Begin your memoir by writing your easy stories—the happy stories, the funny incidents, the fascinating experiences. That way you can ease your way into both writing and doing the reflecting that memoir is.

 

You don’t have to write your chapters/vignettes in the same order they’ll appear in your completed memoir. Write them in any order that’s easiest for you. Later you can organize them in the best way.

 

My heart wants you to fall in love with:

  • remembering,
  • and pondering,
  • and discovering the good stuff you overlooked in the past,
  • and making sense of what used to mystify you,
  • and with writing,
  • and with choosing just the right words,
  • and with fashioning your story as a gift for others.

 

For now, give yourself permission to begin with easy stories. Tackle your hard stories later.

 

Even if you’re not physically putting your aching, tender, throbbing accounts into words (with pen and ink or on a computer screen), you are working on the story. I can’t explain how that works but, behind the scenes, your heart and brain are working on how to write the troubling stuff.

 

Let your heartache marinate for a few weeks or months—or however long it takes. Pour out your heart to God. Wait patiently before Him, putting your hope in Him (Psalm 62:5-6).

 

He bends down and listens to you, He hears and answers (Psalm 116:1-2).

 

Stay alert. One day you’ll be vacuuming the car, or playing catch with your grandson, or folding laundry, and you’ll have one of those A-HA! moments.

 

Or maybe you’ll hear a song, or someone else’s story, or a Bible verse, or a poem and, out of the blue, God speaks, or maybe nudges, offering you insight and clarity about your hurtful experiences.

 

When that happens, listen. Jot down notes to yourself. You’ll be mining treasures. Later you can use your notes to compose your rough draft.

 

Speaking of your rough draft: It is for your eyes only.

 

Because of that, you can write it all—the seared, charred, blistered parts, the questions you never had the courage to ask aloud, the doubts you kept secret, the anger you kept bottled up. You will revise your memoir numerous times before you publish it so keep this in mind: You can always delete, or revise, the bleeding and raw portions of your first draft. For now, just wrestle them into writing, for your own sake.

 

Invite God to sit close beside you as you write. He wants to help you remember, maybe to see things differently, to notice the ways He helped in the past and continues to help you day by day, year by year. He wants you to see there’s a good place for you on this side of your pain.

 

Memoirist Kathleen Pooler said this of writing her two memoirs: “When I first started writing out my stories, facing painful memories was difficult. As I kept writing, new insights revealed themselves to me . . . just through the process of facing them and writing about them. I experienced healing through reading my own words and began to feel I was on the other side of pain.”  (Kathleen Pooler, Ever Faithful to His Lead and Just the Way He Walked)



 

Tuesday, November 17, 2020

Make ‘em cry along with you as you cry

 

For the past few weeks, we’ve considered Wilkie Collins’s advice to writers: “Make ‘em cry, make ‘em laugh, make ‘em wait.” (If you missed earlier posts about “make ‘em laugh,” see list and links below.)

 

If you can make ‘em cry, you’ll pull readers into your story.

 

And you do want them to read your story, all the way to the end.

 

Why?

 

Because whether readers realize it or not, they’re looking to you for answers and direction. They want to know how you coped with life—sorrows and joys, victories and defeats, despair and hope.

 

They’re looking for a takeawaythat part of your story they will always hold close because it changed their lives.

 

Be sure your memoir has takeaways: your insights that they can apply to their own lives, lessons you learned that will guide them in the future, a resource for living life well, a reason to hope, a reason to trust God, a better understanding of themselves.

 

So let’s get back to making ‘em cry. That’s one way to leave readers with the blessings of your takeaways but, to receive them all, readers have to keep reading, and you can keep them reading if you make ‘em cry along with you as you cry.

 

Oh, but it’s hard to write about our life’s most painful parts!

 

The ache. Heartbreak. Grief. Anguish.

 

So many of us avoid writing the painful stuff.

 

Am I describing you? Have you been unable to write about the stuff that opens up old wounds?

 

How many of your stories remain untold?

 

Mick Silva says writers must be willing to take a chance—to risk examining our hard bits and pieces—and then to risk writing about them.

 

“That necessity to risk is why writing takes courage above all else,” he says.

 

Risking pain to seek the deeper truths about yourself and life, risking sharing what you know.

 

“Risking paying close attention when you experience pain or fear, knowing it means you’ve been chosen to understand, express and explain this particular view of it best. . . .” (Mick Silva)

 

Writing about our sorrows can bring us healing (more on that in coming weeks), but there’s morethere’s another layer to your storytelling: God can use our stories.

 

God even planned for us to share our stories:

 

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 tells us that the God of all comfort reaches out to comfort us in our troubles so that we can comfort others with the comfort we have received from Him.

 

That means writing about how God helped you through painful experiences is a sacred calling, a ministry.

 

Take, for example, Dana Goodman’s experience:

 

During my intense grieving moments, other people’s stories gave me words to describe the ache that was indescribable. They gave me hope that a new day would dawn, and I would not be stuck in the black forever.” (Dana Goodman, author, In the Cleft: Joy Comes in the Mourning)

 

And so, we write.

 

“In a world that groans of brokenness

and screams of injustice,

it matters that we hold our creative candles

right up next to the pain.”

Settle Monroe

 

A word of caution:

 

Writing about heartaches and wounds can be excruciating—because to write them requires us to relive them. If we haven’t healed enough to write those stories, we must wait until we can relive them and write them.

 

Next week we’ll look at one technique to help us write—but only when we are ready.

 

In the meantime, pray and ask God to help you write the painful stuff. Doing so can help your healing and can help readers, too—maybe in ways you could never have imagined.

 

Related posts:

Make ‘em laugh, make ‘em cry, make ‘em wait

Humor in your memoir: “like a sneak attack”

Using humor the right way in memoir

Make ‘em laugh: an instant connection