Back to Basics: “Make ‘em cry” by re-living the painful parts so that you can write them

 

Have you made progress in applying “make ‘em cry” to your memoir? I hope so! (Click on last week’s Make ‘em cry, make ‘em laugh, make ‘em wait.)

If you’re a writer, or want to be a writer, follow Wilkie Collins’ counsel, “Make ‘em cry, make ‘em laugh, make ‘em wait” because those three keep readers engaged in your story.

 

By “engaged,” I mean that if readers can get into your story,

they can grasp what you’re offering them.

 

Yes, I said, “what you’re offering them.”

 

Readers want to get something for themselves from your memoir.

 

Ron Hutchcraft explained how that can work:

“Often, a major life-storm means a major life-loss of some kind: your health, your income, your future plans, your marriage, your loved one.  And that loss leaves a gaping hole. . . .

“But after the storm, you have a choice. Let your loss—and the hole it leaves—define your life from now on. Goodbye, hope.

“Or begin to rebuild your life around that hole. And to rebuild your life on what you've learned from that loss. Now that's a blueprint for hope.  From the devastation of one storm comes a new strength to withstand future storms.”

  

That’s what you can offer readers:

Tell them what you ascertained about hope,

and how you learned that

 “from the devastation . . . comes a new strength

to withstand the storms.”

 

You see, if they recognize they have something in common with you,

they can find courage and healing and solutions the way you did.

 

Readers are looking for the takeaways you extend to them.

 

Takeaways are your insights—the lessons you learned—

which they can apply to their own lives,

gems you uncovered that will guide them in the future,

a reason to trust God,

a better understanding of themselves,

and a resource for living well.

 

That means you must write your story.

 

But that means you must re-live the painful parts so that you can write them.

 

And today I offer you help with that: 

 

When you’re ready to write—even the blistered parts—Bill Roorbach, in his Writing Life Stories, explains a creative, helpful way to (a) recall situations that made you cry, and then (b) write about them.

 

Bill suggests you utilize method writing, a spin-off of method acting.

 

Here’s how method acting works:

 

Before the curtain rises, the actor remembers an occasion in which he experienced the emotion he needs to act out. He spends time reliving that emotion so that when he steps on stage, he’s all wrapped up in the ache or the passion or the anger and succeeds in playing his part.

 

Method writing, then, requires you to step out of the present and into the past. If you’re writing about a tragic event, take time (set aside time) to remember the event and relive it so you can rediscover the emotions you felt.

 

Avoid over-the-top hysteria

but be honest in admitting your emotional response.

 

In the midst of the reliving, ask yourself:

 

• What was at stake? What did I have to lose or gain?
• What dreams would never come true?
• At the time, how did I envision my life would never be the same?
• Where would I find courage to live another day?
• What were my fears?
• My hopes?
• My prayers?

 

When you’re caught up in the emotion, get it onto paper or computer screen.

 

Your “emotion should be so realistic and gripping that the reader can’t help but feel it too. . .” (Becca Puglisi)

 

To paraphrase Larry Brooks, make your readers happy they are not there, yet grateful to feel what it was like to be you.

 

Emotion: That’s how you create a way for readers to join you in your story, to make them care, to compel them to keep reading, and to find the gems and blessings you’re offering them.

For now, make 'em cry. In future weeks, we'll make 'em laugh and make 'em wait.

Your memoir’s suspense: Make it reader-friendly

 

We’ve been studying the importance of suspense, tension, and conflict in your memoir. They are must-haves: They draw readers into your story, make them care about you, and keep them reading. (Click on Make ‘em wait and Suspense—yes, but melodrama—no.)

 

While it’s important to include suspense in your memoir, make those passages reader-friendly. Readers don’t want to waste time with long, drawn-out moaning and groaning.

 

“Readers don’t buy books that ponder problems,” writes Chip MacGregor. “They buy books that offer great solutions to their problems. So offer solutions.” (Chip MacGregor, Memorable Words)

 

MacGregor says we should go ahead and “set the stage by revealing what the conflict or problem is” in a condensed way, and then we should get on with it.

 

But wait! We don’t want to downplay our suspense too much, according to K. S. Davis.

 

She teaches her students (both fiction and memoir writers) to beware of a “failure to sustain key moments.” Key moments: moments of tension and suspense and emotion.

 

In some of her students’ rough drafts, Davis discovered key moments “were just going by too quickly.” To remedy that, she advises, “. . . Writers, don’t be afraid to slow down and ‘linger.’

 

“Make sure you are devoting sufficient space to the ‘key moments’ in your manuscript so that they register with your readers. Your writing will resonate much more clearly and vividly if you do.”

 

Davis says we can achieve that by using dialogue, summarizing unspoken thoughts, and using nuance. (from K.S. Davis’s post, Lessons in Lingering.)

 

So, the combined message

from Chip MacGregor and K.S. Davis is this:

Find a healthy balance in writing passages

of suspense and drama and emotion.

 

You might be muttering, “Easier said than done.” I agree. Here’s what I’ve found helpful:

 

I draft a couple of versions of a vignette or chapter and play around with the suspense. I condense. Reorganize. (I’m so glad we live in the days of computers instead of typewriters! Back in the olden days, if we wanted to change just one word—or even one comma—we’d have to retype the entire page!)

 

After tweaking, I set aside the manuscript for a week or so. Later I’ll take a fresh look at it and by then I will have a better perspective on what works and what doesn’t.

 

Also, if you’re not part of a writers’ critique group, I highly recommend you join one—just be sure it’s a quality critique group. Not all of them are helpful, professional, and supportive.

 

Suspense—yes, but melodrama—no

 

Life includes suspense. Good stories, then, include suspense.

 

Your memoir needs suspense. Hook your reader and make her eager to know the outcome—but make her wait for it.

 

Suspense implies an uncomfortable waiting mixed with impatience for a good resolution. It arouses curiosity. It keeps her reading.

 

And so . . . today we continue with these all-important ingredients for your memoir: Suspense. Tension. Conflict. (Click on “Make ‘em wait” if you missed last week’s post)

 

Becca Puglisi at Writers Helping Writers explains how she discovered the difference between conflict and tension.

 

A critiquer had returned one of Becca’s manuscripts and had noted, several times, the need for tension. “Where’s the tension?” and “Add more tension.” (Becca’s manuscript was fiction but remember: Many fiction techniques are important nonfiction techniques, too.)

 

Becca said, “No tension? What’s she talking about? The main character was just abandoned by her father. Her best friend was attacked by racist pigs. The family farm is about to go under. . . . There is conflict ALL OVER the place, so how can she say there’s no tension??”

 

Becca was puzzled but eventually recognized that conflict and tension are not necessarily the same thing. She adds, “Although the terms are often used interchangeably (and they CAN be synonymous), they aren’t necessarily the same.”

 

Conflict is when a character has a goal but an obstacle prevents him from reaching it.

 

Tension, on the other hand, stirs up the reader’s emotion, grabs hold of him, and makes him care about how the story will end—and it keeps him reading. Tension, Becca says, is “that tight, stretched feeling in your belly that makes you all jittery. That’s what you want your reader to feel. . . .”

 

Click on this link to read more of Becca’s Conflictvs. Tension.

 

So how do you stir up your reader’s emotion?

 

Your own emotion—excitement, fear, joy, doubt, wonderment, or awe—will impact your readers’ emotions.

 

“Emotion is an involuntary action:

The best stories in the world

always have an emotional appeal.

They inspire the audience to act, to think,

to laugh, to cry or to get angry. . . .

If an audience is moved to feel something,

they become more emotionally invested in a story

based on that connection.”

Slash Coleman

 

How much tension should a writer include?

 

Every scene should have tension, FaithWriter’s Lillian Duncan says, sometimes big, sometimes little. “It may be internal or external. It may be real or imagined, but there should be a sense of unpredictability in every scene. . . .”

 

Lillian offers this word of caution: Melodrama is not a mark of good writing. Avoid overwriting. “Keep your ‘flowery’ writing to a minimum.”

 

Click here to see Lillian’s checklist on how to avoid overwriting. It includes:

• Word choices
• Exclamation points 
• Too many adverbs and adjectives
• Emotional reaction equal to the event
• Cut every unnecessary word

 

(Keep this in mind: Many if not all of her fiction techniques also apply to nonfiction.)

 

How to offer your readers hope and life

 

“You think you’re just telling a story. But the truth is you’re bringing life.” (Donald Miller)

 

Bringing life! Wow!

 

Today we’re continuing with our recent series on “Make ‘em cry, make ‘em laugh, make ‘em wait” (Wilkie Collins). I hope you’re enjoying this series. I am. It’s the stuff writers enjoy.

 

Why should writers make readers cry and laugh? Because that’s how you hook readers. It’s like a magnet—you make them want to keep reading. And that’s how they find out what you’re offering them.

 

That’s right—I said what you’re offering them. They read for more than entertainment. Readers are looking for what they can get out of your story.

 

Let’s zero in on “make ‘em cry” and what it can do for readers. (If you missed earlier posts about make ‘em cry, click on the links below.)

 

Think back to one of your most painful experiences and let me ask you a question: Wasn’t that when you learned some of your most valuable lessons?

 

Think back again: Weren’t your hardest times the stuff of turning points? Second chances? Personal victories? Spiritual growth? Maturity?

 

Let me ask another question: Did someone else’s story help you get through to the other side of your pain? I have a hunch you can say “yes.” Maybe it was a friend’s story, or a story you read in a book or in the Bible or a Bible study. Or saw in a movie. Or read on Facebook.

 

Now it’s your turn to pass on your story to others who need hope.

 

“Beyond the beautifully strung together words

we leave on the page,

we also leave behind

concrete proof that we survived.”

Ellen Blum Barish

 

You see, God might be doing something bigger—something broader and deeper and higher—than only in you. He can use your experience to help others, inspire action, and increase faith.

 

Make ‘em cry.

Tears are a universal language.

Tears connect people.

Tears allow people to share an experience.

 

“I felt a strong pull . . . to write my story,” says Jennifer C. Steele, “so I began the process. It was by no means easy. I had to re-live all of the hard memories again. I had to process emotions that I thought were long gone. I felt deep sadness and anger and experienced the loss at the same intensity as I did when it first occurred. I wanted to quit, numerous times.

 

“But that little voice that kept saying, ‘your story is going to help someone like you’ kept me going over and over. . . .

 

“Each person that I have shared this story with has told me they could relate in some way and has thanked me for sharing.

 

“If you feel like you have a story inside of you that needs to come out, don’t be afraid to share it.” (Jennifer C. Steele, author of One Step at A Time)

 

Avoid over-the-top, frenzied drama. Avoid exaggerating. Avoid pity-parties and wallowing but be honest in admitting your emotions.

 

To paraphrase Larry Brooks,

make your readers happy they are not there,

but grateful to feel what it was like to be you.

 

“Don’t waste your trials,” my son-in-law said in a sermon. “God might allow something hard so you can encourage others. . . . Use your problems as an opportunity.”

 

Make yourself vulnerable. Write about your hurts.

 

“Your story should incorporate some joy. But pain is the Great Teacher,” writes Donald Miller.

 

“By bringing meaning to the pain, you bring meaning to the pain of the world. This is why people need story.

 

“They want to know they’re not alone. Others suffer just like them. They want to know their suffering has purpose, that there is hope, redemption. . . . You think you’re just telling a story. But the truth is you’re bringing life.” (Donald Miller, “The Meaning of Pain”)

 

Related links:

Make ‘em cry

Make ‘em cry along with you as you cry

How and when to write the seared, charred, blistered parts

 

Using method writing to make ‘em cry: Your memoir must evoke an emotional response

 

“Leave your readers with their mouths open in awe, or laughing hysterically, or crying tears of sympathy and sadness—all three,” writes The Write Life Team.

 

Why?

 

Because that keeps audiences engaged. And that’s important because it enables them to join you in your experience, learn from you, and apply your life lessons to their own lives.

 

I’m talking about offering readers takeaways: your insights that they can apply to their own lives, lessons you learned that will guide them in the future, a resource for living life well, a reason to hope, a reason to trust God, and a better understanding of themselves.

 

And so, your memoir needs to evoke an emotional response in readers.

 

“Take them on an emotional journey which will provoke them to read the next chapter, [and] wonder about you well after they finish the last page,” the Write Life Team continues.

 

“The best way to evoke these feelings in your readers is to connect your emotions . . . with pivotal events happening through your narrative arc [plot].”

 

Regarding that narrative arc, or plot, the Team says, “In school, our teachers used to draw a ‘mountain’ and once we reached the precipice, we were to fill in the climactic point of the book. . . . You need to create enough tension to shape your overall story, as well as each individual chapter, with that narrative arc.” (The Write Life Team)

 

With that in mind, let’s get back to what we’ve been studying in recent weeks, Wilkie Collins’s advice to writers: “Make ‘em cry, make ‘em laugh, make ‘em wait.”

 

Making readers cry means that in order for you to write about your painful experiences, you must re-live that pain. (See Make ‘em cry along with you as you cry.)

 

When you’re ready to write the seared, charred, blistered parts, Bill Roorbach, in his Writing Life Stories, suggests you utilize method writing, a spin-off of method acting.

 

Here’s how method acting works: Before the curtain rises, the actor remembers a time in which he experienced the emotion he needs to act out. He spends time reliving that emotion so that when he steps on stage, he’s all wrapped up in that emotion and succeeds in playing his part.

 

Method writing, then, requires you to step out of the present and into the past. If you’re writing about a tragic event, take time (make time) to remember the event and relive it so you can discover the emotions you felt.

 

Avoid over-the-top hysteria but be honest in admitting your emotions.

 

While reliving that situation and emotion, ask yourself:

 

• What was at stake? What did I have to lose or gain?
• What dreams would never come true?
• At the time, how did I envision my life would never be the same?
• What did I fear most?
• Where would I find courage to live another day?
• What did I pray for??—beg God for?

 

When you’re caught up again in that emotion, get it onto paper or computer screen. Remember: You’re only writing a rough draft. You can revise it later. For now, begin by searching for the best words.

 

Your “emotion should be so realistic and gripping

that the reader can’t help but feel it too.”

(Becca Puglisi)

 

Does your memoir downplay conflict and tension?

Life includes conflict and tension. Good stories, then, should include conflict and tension.

But I have read a couple of memoirs that downplayed the conflict and tension—toned it down, diminished it. Skimmed over it. What a mistake!

When writers become vulnerable and tell us those important details of their story, when they tell us how they handled those times and events, we readers grow and benefit. That’s how a memoirist becomes a mentor. That’s how God uses stories to offer others help and hope.

If you want to get your most important messages across, if you want readers to benefit from your story, include the conflict and tension you experienced. And how you dealt with it, how you came through on the other side, what you learned.

Becca Puglisi at Writers Helping Writers discovered there’s a difference between conflict and tension.

Here’s how she learned that lesson:

A critiquer returned one of Becca’s manuscripts and had noted, several times, the need for tension. (Becca’s manuscript was fiction but remember: Many fiction techniques are important nonfiction techniques, too.)

Becca asked herself, “No tension? What’s she talking about? The main character was just abandoned by her father. Her best friend was attacked by racist pigs. The family farm is about to go under. . . . There is conflict ALL OVER the place, so how can she say there’s no tension??”

Becca was puzzled but eventually recognized that conflict and tension are not necessarily the same thing. She adds, “Although the terms are often used interchangeably (and they CAN be synonymous), they aren’t necessarily the same.”

Conflict is when a character has a goal but an obstacle prevents him from reaching it.

Tension, on the other hand, stirs up the reader’s emotion, grabs hold of him, and makes him care about how the story will end—and it keeps him reading. Tension, Becca says, is “that tight, stretched feeling in your belly that makes you all jittery. That’s what you want your reader to feel. . . .”

Click on this link to read more of Becca’s Conflict vs. Tension.

So, how do you stir up your readers’ emotion?

Your own emotion—excitement, fear, joy, doubt, wonderment, or awe—will impact your reader’s emotions.

“Emotion is an involuntary action:

The best stories in the world

always have an emotional appeal.

They inspire the audience

to act, to think,

to laugh, to cry or to get angry. . . .

If an audience is moved to feel something,

they become more emotionally invested in a story

based on that connection.”

Slash Coleman

How much tension/emotion should a writer include?

Every scene should have some tension, FaithWriter’s Lillian Duncan says, sometimes big, sometimes little. “It may be internal or external. It may be real or imagined, but there should be a sense of unpredictability in every scene. . . .”

Lillian offers this word of caution: Melodrama is not a mark of good writing. “Keep your ‘flowery’ writing to a minimum.”

Click here to see Lillian’s checklist on how to avoid overwriting. It includes:

• Word choices
• Exclamation points
• Too many adverbs and adjectives
• Emotional reaction that’s equal to the event
• Cutting every unnecessary word

Read more at Lillian’s Writing Suspense. Many if not all of her fiction techniques also apply to nonfiction.

Find the conflict, tension, and emotion—

or lack of them—

in your manuscript.

Make changes as needed.

If you’ll do so, your readers will gain important insights,

 and, believe it or not,

you, too, will benefit,

 probably in enormous ways,

ways you can’t quite imagine yet!

Tuesday Tidbit: You can do this, baby step by baby step

Amber Lea Starfire nails it: “Good writing takes patience, diligence, attention to detail, the ability to identify and solve problems, and—oh, yes—desire.”

Completing a memoir can be an exhausting project because it’s much more than writing. It’s tweaking, revising, rewriting, editing, proofreading, and publishing. (I’m telling you this from experience—my current experience. Sigh.)

But I can do this. I can do this. Baby step by baby step.

You can do it, too! Find advice and encouragement by clicking over to Amber’s post, Writing is Revision is Rewriting is Craft.

Also, check out this humongous list of resources from Becca and Angela at One Stop for Writers. Their materials focus on fiction writers, but almost everything applies to memoir writers, too.

And remember this from April 24's post: Prayer is the secret to writing better than you're capable of writing.

P. S. I just ordered Amber Lea Starfire’s new memoir, Accidental Jesus Freak. Check it out!

There you have it, your Tuesday Tidbit.

Cry, sweat, tremble, bleed

After all our toil and struggle to write our memoirs, how do we get people to read them?

We “Make ‘em cry, make ‘em laugh, make ‘em wait,” in the words of Wilkie Collins.

Speakers and writers follow that advice for obvious reasons: it keeps audiences engaged.

Over the past few weeks we’ve looked at how to ‘make ‘em laugh’

so now how do we make ‘em cry?

If you’ve tried writing your emotion, you know that can be a tough challenge, but in Writing Life Stories, Bill Roorbach suggests we employ method writing, a spin-off of method acting.

Here’s how method acting works: Before the curtain rises, the actor remembers a time in which he experienced the emotion he needs to act out. He spends time reliving that emotion so that when he steps on stage, he’s all wrapped up in that emotion and succeeds in playing his part.

Method writing, then, requires you to step out of the present and into the past. If you’re writing about a tragic event, take time (make time) to remember the event and relive it so you can rediscover the emotions you felt.

Avoid over-the-top hysteria, but be honest in admitting your emotions.

In the midst of reliving that situation and emotion, ask yourself:

• What was at stake? What did I have to lose or gain?
•  What dreams would never come true?
•  At the time, how did I envision that my life would never be the same?
•  Where would I find courage to live another day?
•  What were my fears, my hopes, my prayers?

When you are caught up again in that emotion, get it onto paper or computer screen.

Your “emotion should be so realistic and gripping that the reader can’t help but feel it too.…” (Becca Puglisi; emphasis mine)

To paraphrase Larry Brooks,

make your readers

happy they are not there,

yet grateful

to feel what it was like to be you.

Emotion: That’s how you make a way for readers to join you in your story, to make them care, to make them want to keep reading.

“Our best stories evoke an emotional response,

touch a deep cord,

and motivate action and change.”

 (Peter Guber; emphasis mine)

OK, are you ready? Go make ‘em cry!

Make ‘em cry

You want your memoir to bless others, right? You want it to comfort, encourage, and change readers for the better.

But your memoir will not impact others unless they read it.

After all your effort to write your memoir, how do you get people to read it?

You must make a way for readers to get into your story—

to join you in your story—

to make them care—

to make them want to keep reading.

How do you do that? By including emotions.

“The heart is always 

the first target 

in telling purposeful stories. 

Stories must give listeners 

an emotional experience 

if they are to ignite a call to action.” 

(Peter Guber)

You bring emotion into your story by following Wilkie Collins’ advice, “Make ‘em cry, make ‘em laugh, make ‘em wait.”

Last week we covered “make ‘em laugh,” and I hope you’ve had fun writing humor into your rough drafts. Humor is important—readers will give you only so long before they decide whether they like you and your story—so if you missed last week’s post, check it out.

This week we’ll look at “make ‘em cry.”

Sometimes people wonder—mainly men, I suspect—why we should include sorrows and struggles and angst in our memoirs.

The reasons to include the hard things are many:

“Our sufferings and pains are not simply bothersome interruptions of our lives.” (Henri Nouwen)

Often during the hardest times, we learned our most important lessons.

Difficulties can get our attention.

They can make us cling to God.

They can give us a holy discontent over things that are not right in our lives.

Sorrows can be the stuff of turning points and second chances.

They can lead to personal victories.

Furthermore, sharing our struggle benefits readers. When we make ourselves vulnerable and write about our hurts, readers recognize they have something in common with us.

That, in turn, serves as an invitation to enter into our stories and learn lessons for themselves through our experiences because:

“…Stories can be a stand-in for life, allowing us [readers] to expand our beyond what we could reasonably squeeze into a lifetime of direct experience.… We can take in the stories of others who escaped life-threatening situations without taking on the risk … [and we have] an opportunity to try out solutions.” (Peter Guber)

So there you have yet another reason to share painful parts of our lives:  We offer readers experience, wisdom, and choices. We can point them to God.

“Your story should incorporate some joy. But pain is the Great Teacher,” says Donald Miller. “By bringing meaning to the pain, you bring meaning to the pain of the world.  This is why people need story. They want to know they’re not alone. Others suffer just like them. They want to know their suffering has a purpose, that there is hope, redemption.… You think you’re just telling a story. But the truth is you’re bringing life.” (emphasis mine; from Joe Bunting's blog post, The Meaning of Pain)

Things that made you cry shaped you. They gave you a story to tell for the benefit of others.

If you want readers to see how God brought beauty from your ashes, they have to see, smell, hear, taste, and feel the ashes with you. You have to make ‘em cry with you.

If you write your memoir well, you will bring the story to a hope-filled, satisfying resolution. You will accomplish what Donald Miller calls “bringing life.”

So how do you make ‘em cry? It can be a tough assignment.

First, be honest. Avoid exaggeration. Your reader needs to be able to trust you.

Second, practice what Bill Roorbach calls Method Writing, a spin-off of method acting.  (from his Writing Life Stories)

Here’s how method acting works: Before the curtain rises, the actor remembers a time in which he experienced the emotion he needs to act out. He spends time reliving that emotion so that when he steps on stage, he is gripped in that emotion and succeeds in playing his part.

Method writing, then, requires you to step out of the present and into the past. If you’re writing about a tragic event, take time (make time) to remember the event and rediscover the emotions you felt.

In the midst of reliving that situation and emotion, ask yourself:

What was at stake? What did I have to lose or gain?

At the time, how did I envision that this situation could change my life?

What were my fears, my hopes, my prayers?

When you are caught up again in that event and emotion, get it onto paper.

Your “emotion should be so realistic and gripping that the reader can’t help but feel it too.…” (Becca Puglisi)

To paraphrase Larry Brooks, make your readers happy they are not there, yet grateful to feel what it was like to be you.

Emotion: That’s how you make a way for readers to join you in your story, to make them care, to keep them reading.

"Our best stories 

evoke an emotional response, 

touch a deep cord, 

and motivate action and change." 

(Peter Guber)

OK, are you ready? Go make ‘em cry!