Back to Basics: “Make ‘em cry” by re-living the painful parts so that you can write them

 

Have you made progress in applying “make ‘em cry” to your memoir? I hope so! (Click on last week’s Make ‘em cry, make ‘em laugh, make ‘em wait.)

If you’re a writer, or want to be a writer, follow Wilkie Collins’ counsel, “Make ‘em cry, make ‘em laugh, make ‘em wait” because those three keep readers engaged in your story.

 

By “engaged,” I mean that if readers can get into your story,

they can grasp what you’re offering them.

 

Yes, I said, “what you’re offering them.”

 

Readers want to get something for themselves from your memoir.

 

Ron Hutchcraft explained how that can work:

“Often, a major life-storm means a major life-loss of some kind: your health, your income, your future plans, your marriage, your loved one.  And that loss leaves a gaping hole. . . .

“But after the storm, you have a choice. Let your loss—and the hole it leaves—define your life from now on. Goodbye, hope.

“Or begin to rebuild your life around that hole. And to rebuild your life on what you've learned from that loss. Now that's a blueprint for hope.  From the devastation of one storm comes a new strength to withstand future storms.”

  

That’s what you can offer readers:

Tell them what you ascertained about hope,

and how you learned that

 “from the devastation . . . comes a new strength

to withstand the storms.”

 

You see, if they recognize they have something in common with you,

they can find courage and healing and solutions the way you did.

 

Readers are looking for the takeaways you extend to them.

 

Takeaways are your insights—the lessons you learned—

which they can apply to their own lives,

gems you uncovered that will guide them in the future,

a reason to trust God,

a better understanding of themselves,

and a resource for living well.

 

That means you must write your story.

 

But that means you must re-live the painful parts so that you can write them.

 

And today I offer you help with that: 

 

When you’re ready to write—even the blistered parts—Bill Roorbach, in his Writing Life Stories, explains a creative, helpful way to (a) recall situations that made you cry, and then (b) write about them.

 

Bill suggests you utilize method writing, a spin-off of method acting.

 

Here’s how method acting works:

 

Before the curtain rises, the actor remembers an occasion in which he experienced the emotion he needs to act out. He spends time reliving that emotion so that when he steps on stage, he’s all wrapped up in the ache or the passion or the anger and succeeds in playing his part.

 

Method writing, then, requires you to step out of the present and into the past. If you’re writing about a tragic event, take time (set aside time) to remember the event and relive it so you can rediscover the emotions you felt.

 

Avoid over-the-top hysteria

but be honest in admitting your emotional response.

 

In the midst of the reliving, ask yourself:

 

• What was at stake? What did I have to lose or gain?
• What dreams would never come true?
• At the time, how did I envision my life would never be the same?
• Where would I find courage to live another day?
• What were my fears?
• My hopes?
• My prayers?

 

When you’re caught up in the emotion, get it onto paper or computer screen.

 

Your “emotion should be so realistic and gripping that the reader can’t help but feel it too. . .” (Becca Puglisi)

 

To paraphrase Larry Brooks, make your readers happy they are not there, yet grateful to feel what it was like to be you.

 

Emotion: That’s how you create a way for readers to join you in your story, to make them care, to compel them to keep reading, and to find the gems and blessings you’re offering them.

For now, make 'em cry. In future weeks, we'll make 'em laugh and make 'em wait.

How to offer your readers hope and life

 

“You think you’re just telling a story. But the truth is you’re bringing life.” (Donald Miller)

 

Bringing life! Wow!

 

Today we’re continuing with our recent series on “Make ‘em cry, make ‘em laugh, make ‘em wait” (Wilkie Collins). I hope you’re enjoying this series. I am. It’s the stuff writers enjoy.

 

Why should writers make readers cry and laugh? Because that’s how you hook readers. It’s like a magnet—you make them want to keep reading. And that’s how they find out what you’re offering them.

 

That’s right—I said what you’re offering them. They read for more than entertainment. Readers are looking for what they can get out of your story.

 

Let’s zero in on “make ‘em cry” and what it can do for readers. (If you missed earlier posts about make ‘em cry, click on the links below.)

 

Think back to one of your most painful experiences and let me ask you a question: Wasn’t that when you learned some of your most valuable lessons?

 

Think back again: Weren’t your hardest times the stuff of turning points? Second chances? Personal victories? Spiritual growth? Maturity?

 

Let me ask another question: Did someone else’s story help you get through to the other side of your pain? I have a hunch you can say “yes.” Maybe it was a friend’s story, or a story you read in a book or in the Bible or a Bible study. Or saw in a movie. Or read on Facebook.

 

Now it’s your turn to pass on your story to others who need hope.

 

“Beyond the beautifully strung together words

we leave on the page,

we also leave behind

concrete proof that we survived.”

Ellen Blum Barish

 

You see, God might be doing something bigger—something broader and deeper and higher—than only in you. He can use your experience to help others, inspire action, and increase faith.

 

Make ‘em cry.

Tears are a universal language.

Tears connect people.

Tears allow people to share an experience.

 

“I felt a strong pull . . . to write my story,” says Jennifer C. Steele, “so I began the process. It was by no means easy. I had to re-live all of the hard memories again. I had to process emotions that I thought were long gone. I felt deep sadness and anger and experienced the loss at the same intensity as I did when it first occurred. I wanted to quit, numerous times.

 

“But that little voice that kept saying, ‘your story is going to help someone like you’ kept me going over and over. . . .

 

“Each person that I have shared this story with has told me they could relate in some way and has thanked me for sharing.

 

“If you feel like you have a story inside of you that needs to come out, don’t be afraid to share it.” (Jennifer C. Steele, author of One Step at A Time)

 

Avoid over-the-top, frenzied drama. Avoid exaggerating. Avoid pity-parties and wallowing but be honest in admitting your emotions.

 

To paraphrase Larry Brooks,

make your readers happy they are not there,

but grateful to feel what it was like to be you.

 

“Don’t waste your trials,” my son-in-law said in a sermon. “God might allow something hard so you can encourage others. . . . Use your problems as an opportunity.”

 

Make yourself vulnerable. Write about your hurts.

 

“Your story should incorporate some joy. But pain is the Great Teacher,” writes Donald Miller.

 

“By bringing meaning to the pain, you bring meaning to the pain of the world. This is why people need story.

 

“They want to know they’re not alone. Others suffer just like them. They want to know their suffering has purpose, that there is hope, redemption. . . . You think you’re just telling a story. But the truth is you’re bringing life.” (Donald Miller, “The Meaning of Pain”)

 

Related links:

Make ‘em cry

Make ‘em cry along with you as you cry

How and when to write the seared, charred, blistered parts

 

Cry, sweat, tremble, bleed

After all our toil and struggle to write our memoirs, how do we get people to read them?

We “Make ‘em cry, make ‘em laugh, make ‘em wait,” in the words of Wilkie Collins.

Speakers and writers follow that advice for obvious reasons: it keeps audiences engaged.

Over the past few weeks we’ve looked at how to ‘make ‘em laugh’

so now how do we make ‘em cry?

If you’ve tried writing your emotion, you know that can be a tough challenge, but in Writing Life Stories, Bill Roorbach suggests we employ method writing, a spin-off of method acting.

Here’s how method acting works: Before the curtain rises, the actor remembers a time in which he experienced the emotion he needs to act out. He spends time reliving that emotion so that when he steps on stage, he’s all wrapped up in that emotion and succeeds in playing his part.

Method writing, then, requires you to step out of the present and into the past. If you’re writing about a tragic event, take time (make time) to remember the event and relive it so you can rediscover the emotions you felt.

Avoid over-the-top hysteria, but be honest in admitting your emotions.

In the midst of reliving that situation and emotion, ask yourself:

• What was at stake? What did I have to lose or gain?
•  What dreams would never come true?
•  At the time, how did I envision that my life would never be the same?
•  Where would I find courage to live another day?
•  What were my fears, my hopes, my prayers?

When you are caught up again in that emotion, get it onto paper or computer screen.

Your “emotion should be so realistic and gripping that the reader can’t help but feel it too.…” (Becca Puglisi; emphasis mine)

To paraphrase Larry Brooks,

make your readers

happy they are not there,

yet grateful

to feel what it was like to be you.

Emotion: That’s how you make a way for readers to join you in your story, to make them care, to make them want to keep reading.

“Our best stories evoke an emotional response,

touch a deep cord,

and motivate action and change.”

 (Peter Guber; emphasis mine)

OK, are you ready? Go make ‘em cry!