YOUR WORST CHRISTMAS

 

We’re going to take a mini-break from our Back to Basics for newcomers and instead, we’ll discuss CHRISTMAS! But with a twist. . . .

 

Maybe you recall a Christmas that was simply awful—a time you were heartbroken, or homeless, or broke, or far from home, or jilted, or frightened, or sick—and your future looked bleak.

 

You remember it as the worst Christmas ever.

 

But I invite you to think again.

 

Writing a memoir can be such a blessed project. Memoir requires taking long, deep looks at the past. Memoir involves pondering, rethinking, unearthing, and finding gems we might not have known were there.

 

Sometimes what seems to be our biggest disaster

can turn out to be a blessing—

one we couldn’t have received without the difficulty.

 

Sometimes we think a calamity will destroy us, but God works in the midst of our situations and, in the way only He can do it, He turns everything inside out and upside down and—instead of destroying us—it makes us stronger and better.

 

Failures. Tangled messes. Catastrophes. Tragedies. Conflicts. Blows. Adversity. Upheavals. Disasters. Setbacks. Unwelcome surprises.

 

God can use our deep disappointments to

• get our attention,
• shake us up a little,
• clear our heads,
• help us see we were putting our hope in something we shouldn’t,
• open new doors for us,
• give us new perspectives,
• tenderize our souls,
• give us fresh starts.

 

God can do all that.

 

That’s what Romans 8:28 is about:  “God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purposes for them” (NLT).

 

A long, long time ago, H.C. Trumbull told this story:

 

“The floods washed away home and mill, all the poor man had in the world. But as he stood on the scene of his loss, after the water had subsided, brokenhearted and discouraged, he saw something shining in the bank which the waters had washed bare. ‘It looks like gold,’ he said. It was gold. The flood which had beggared him made him rich. So it is ofttimes in life.” (Quoted by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman, Streams in the Desert, January 20 selection.)

 

When turn-arounds and relief and solutions

eventually come our way, it’s so easy to snatch them,

run with them, and never look back.

 

We too easily fail to recognize God’s intervention

on our behalf, and we pay too little attention

to the good He has brought to us

out of our hardships.

 

Take time—make time—to dig through the dirt and ashes

of what you thought was your most disastrous Christmas,

and mine those bits of gold.

 

Search for evidence of God’s healing, new directions He offered you, new friends, and new hope.

 

Pinpoint the ways He strengthened your faith for the future.

 

Recognize these were all part of God’s unique plan for you and your life.

 

Gather those discoveries 

and write stories in your memoir 

that detail the ways God was with you 

n the midst of your worst Christmas ever.

 

Write stories about the way He took a disaster and turned it into something good—blessings you couldn’t have received without that difficulty. Instead of destroying you, it made you stronger and better.

 

If you’ll make time to do that, you can receive heaps of blessings.

 

But it doesn’t end there. Your readers can benefit, too.

 

Take in what Jeff Goins said,

 

“At times, you will hold the keys to another’s prison. . . . 

when you write from the heart, 

your pain will become someone else’s healing balm.”

 

Back to the Basics: Why should you write your memoir?

 

A couple of years ago, I wrote a blog post after I attended the first meeting of our church’s fall book club, for which they’d chosen my new memoir, Please, God, Don’t Make Me Go: A Foot-Dragger’s Memoir.  I was happy but also humbled that they chose it.

                                                                                                                                     

Among other questions, they asked me: Why did you write your memoir?

 

Good question.

 

I took time to answer because a memoir—every memoir—can and should be a gift for its readers. In fact:

 

I believe God Himself

dreamed up the idea of memoirs.

If you think that’s a stretch, read on!

 

That evening, I took the ladies back to the beginning of my passion for memoirs—though originally I didn’t even know the definition of “memoir.”

 

It started some thirty years ago. I’d been reading Streams in the Desert, a devotional from 1925 (!) by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman (though nowadays they call her L. B. Cowman).

 

Not only have publishers updated her powerful devotional by letting the dear lady use her own name instead of her husband’s, they’ve also updated the wording and Bible version.

 

But I’m still using the old-fashioned version, so keep that in mind when you read what L.B. wrote. It’s based on Luke 21:13 which says, “This will give you an opportunity to tell about Me” (ERV).

 

“Life is a steep climb,

and it does the heart good to have somebody ‘call back’

and cheerily beckon us on up the high hill.

We are all climbers together, and we must help one another.”

L.B.Cowman

 

“This mountain climbing is serious business, but glorious,” she wrote. “It takes strength and steady step to find the summits. The outlook widens with the altitude. If anyone among us has found anything worthwhile, we ought to ‘call back.’”

 

And then L.B. Cowman shares her poem:

 

If you have gone a little way ahead of me, call back—

‘Twill cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track;

And if, perchance, Faith’s light is dim, because the [lamp] oil is low,

Your call will guide my lagging course as wearily I go.

 

Call back, and tell me that He went with you into the storm;

Call back, and say He kept you when the forest’s roots were torn;

That, when the heavens thundered and the earthquake shook the hill,

He bore you up and held you where the very air was still.

 

. . . But if you’ll say He heard you when your prayer was but a cry,

And if you’ll say He saw you through the night’s sin-darkened sky—

If you have gone a little way ahead, oh, friend, call back—

‘Twill cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track.

 

That poem—

that thought of cupping our hands around our mouths

and cheering on others

who are coming behind us, struggling up life’s steep trails—

that thought zinged me.

It zapped me.

“Yesssss!” I said.

 

I fought tears when I thought of the people

who had already battled up life’s steep mountain trails,

who then turned to me to show by their example

how to choose courage and faith,

those who shared with me their words,

who cheered me on and kept praying.

 

My heart lurches when I think how my life’s battles

might have turned out

if those dear souls had not told me their story—

they and their stories

kept me pounding one foot in front of the other,

hoping, believing, refusing to give up

because if God had helped them, He’d help me, too.

 

When I first read L.B. Cowman’s devotional that day, I told myself: “A Call Back book! That’s what we need—to share our stories and keep each other fighting the good fight.”

 

Reading that poem was a defining moment for me. For years I thought about a Call Back Book. But the idea was raw and rough. It needed to marinate for a few years.

 

Fast forward twenty years or so. I came upon the following words (words which you know well if you’ve been with our SM 101 tribe for a while): “Always remember—and never forget—what you’ve seen God do and be sure to tell your children and grandchildren” (Deuteronomy 4:9).

 

When I read those words, they gave me another zing and zap. That was another pivotal moment for me. “That’s it!” I told myself. “That’s what a Call Back Book would accomplish.” My undeveloped concept began to take a more solid form in my mind and heart and vision.

 

And the fact that God told us to tell our stories

to our kids and grandkids—

Wow again! He commanded us to tell our stories.

 

It’s a calling He’s given all of us.

A ministry, not a hobby.

 

I remember asking myself, “I wonder what a memoir is.” I looked up the definition and—Wow again. Memoir was a perfect format for telling our stories. (Click here for the definition of memoir.)

 

And, as they say, the rest is history:

• I started teaching memoir classes for churches and other interested groups,
• in 2010, I published my first memoir, Grandma’s Letters from Africa,
• I started blogging at Spiritual Memoirs 101 to reach others interested in writing their stories,
• in 2019, I published my second memoir, Please, God, Don’t Make Me Go: AFoot-Dragger’s Memoir,
• and I’ve continued to teach online and in-person memoir classes. 

Fast forward to that evening at our church’s Book Club meeting when they were reading my memoir. I was in for a delightful surprise. The ladies started discussing the definition of memoir, and then they realized that each of them had a story.

 

They caught the vision of the importance of telling their stories.

 

In the words of Lloyd John Ogilvie, “ “. . . we can be God’s tap on a person’s shoulder. . . . It’s awesome to realize that God can use us as His messengers, healers, and helpers. He’s up to exciting things, and all He needs is a willing, receptive, and obedient spirit” (Silent Strength for My Life).

 

If you’re writing your memoir,

YOU are those Ogilvie writes about—

YOU are the ones with a willing,

receptive, and obedient spirit.

 

How awesome to realize that

God is using YOU as His messengers,

healers, and helpers.

 

How one old photo led me to write a memoir

 

Last week we considered photos—rich resources to help you write your memoir. I mentioned that:

 

. . . years ago, I put photos

in three-ring binders

—photos from three years

our family spent in South America

when my kids were ages five and almost seven.

 

I also typed stories from letters

I’d sent my parents,

adding them to the photos.

 

I thought the story was finished

—until one day I noticed something

in one picture,

something I hadn’t noticed before.

 

It was a photo I took on Day One at our new home in South America, and it’s always been one of my favorites. I’d framed it and it was hanging on the wall. A magnet held another copy on my refrigerator. I had made copies of that picture and passed them out during speaking engagements.

 

But that day, long after I’d assembled the scrapbook, I saw in that photo something deeper and broader. The earth lurched when I recognized it, and I asked myself,

 

Why did you never notice this before?

 

After pondering that question, this became clear: In the letters to my parents, I never told them about the dangers, the scary stuff.

 

That meant the narrative in the scrapbook, based on those letters, was a list of selected facts, just the everyday surface stuff.

 

And with that realization,

I knew my story was incomplete—

not yet finished.

 

That photo foreshadowed stories that made ongoing international news—events that touched our family and friends and changed many lives forever.

 

I had a bigger, deeper, richer story to write—a story about hostility from guerrilla groups—their bombings, ongoing threats of violence, kidnappings, and murders—and what God and courageous people did in the midst of it all.

 

So I got to work, and those stories

soon resulted in my published memoir,

Please, God, Don’t Make Me Go:

A Foot-Dragger’s Memoir.

 

Enough about my discovery and my story. What about you?

 

Did you examine one or more key photos related to your story?

 

Reread last week’s post, Photos: A rich resource for writing your memoir, and peel back layers, asking yourself:

• What is the deeper story behind this photo?
• What is the deeper story about the people in the photo?
• What is the bigger issue?
• Does the photo symbolize or capture a theme in my memoir?
• Does it contain a secret or solve a mystery? If so, do others now need to know about it? (If someone would benefit—if that would help heal an old wound, right a wrong, or bring forgiveness or hope—think and pray about revealing it.)

 

Maybe you still haven’t pinned down the real meaning, the central idea or message of your memoir. Perhaps a photo will help you discover it.

 

For a few days,

think about a key photo

and what it represents.

 

It might hold more significance

than you now realize.

 

Tuesday Tidbit: We will die one day, and what will we leave behind?

 

“We will all die one day. That is one of the few things we can be sure of,” Henri Nouwen wrote.

 

“But will we die well? That is less certain,” Nouwen continued.

 

“Dying well means . . . making our lives fruitful for those we leave behind. The big question . . . is . . . ‘How can I prepare myself for my death so that my life can continue to bear fruit in the generations that will follow me?’ . . . .

 

“Dying can become our greatest gift if we prepare ourselves to die well.” (Henri Nouwen, Bread for the Journey)

 

Let’s think about what Henri said.

 

If you’re like me, you’re concerned about influences on your kids, grandkids, and great-grands—influences that lure them away from your best hopes and dreams and prayers for them. Away from God’s best for them.

 

Less-than-stellar influencers bombard young people, enticing them to live and believe in ways that could diminish them morally, spiritually, personally, mentally, and relationally.

 

Today’s kids are listening to the stories of movie stars, athletes, singers, podcasters, comedians, the press, educators, politicians, authors, friends, and paranormal characters in books and movies.

 

If you worry about the stories your kids, grandkids, and great-grands listen to, how about telling them your stories?

 

There’s a good reason the Bible is full of stories. There’s a reason Jesus told parables.

 

Never doubt the power of stories!

 

Kathy Edens writes,

“Research proves that stories and anecdotes

help people retain information better.

Forbes reported most people only remember

about 5-10% of statistics you cite.

But when you accompany your stats with a story,

the retention rate bounces up to 65-70%.”

 

Wow! Did you know that? That’s impressive. Read that again!

 

That means that if you want to teach your grandkids the importance of telling the truth, you can tell them, “It’s important to always tell the truth, and you can get yourself into tons of trouble if you lie,” but your words will probably go in one ear and out the other.

 

OR, you can tell them a story—

a story of how you, or someone you know,

learned the importance of honesty,

and the consequences of dishonesty.

 

Your stories can teach your kids, grandkids, and great-grands many important things—about keeping a commitment, being faithful, working hard, being kind.

 

Your stories can teach them to handle tragedies with tenacity and faith.

 

Your stories can help them choose courage over fear, generosity over stinginess, compassion over meanness, thankfulness over ingratitude, and so much more.  

 

 “The world’s greatest wisdom passes through stories,” writes Kathy Edens.

 

Think about what Kathy says:

The world’s greatest wisdom

can flow through your stories!

 

There’s a good reason Jesus said,

“Go tell your family everything God has done for you.”

(Luke 8:39)

 

Remember what Henri Nouwen said: We need to prepare ourselves so that after we die, our lives, experiences, and faith will continue to bear fruit for future generations.

 

“Dying can become our greatest gift if we prepare ourselves to die well.” (Henri Nouwen, Bread for the Journey)

 

That means you need to tell your stories!

 

There you have it, your Tuesday Tidbit.

  

Tuesday Tidbit: Your memoir’s all-important takeaways

 

People will read your memoir for its takeaways.

 

What’s a takeaway?

 

It’s a gem you unearthed during all your remembering and reflecting that’s so important in writing a memoir. (Be sure to read our earlier post, “Dig out the gems, in pieces if you must.”)

 

In examining what you unearthed, and in re-evaluating it, you gained clarity and wisdom, and that helped make sense of your life—which you offer to your readers.

 

Takeaways are what readers “take away” from your memoir. A takeaway is a meaningful sentence or two that speaks to something deep inside the reader.

 

He recognizes himself in your story. When he stumbles upon your takeaway, he will pause to think, to re-read the words, slowly. He might underline the passage. Or maybe highlight it. Or write notes in the margin. Your memoir’s takeaway offers him lessons he will carry with them after he’s read the last page and closed the back cover.

How do you, the writer,

discover a takeaway in your life’s story?

 

Think back. At some point,

you had an A-ha moment, and a light came on.

Puzzle pieces began falling into place.

You gained clarity.

You discovered a solution.

It was a turning point.

You were not the same person after that.

 

That’s good, that’s exciting.

Such discoveries can be defining moments for you,

life-changers—but go beyond that.

Share the benefits of that experience with your readers

by crafting a takeaway.

Offer them their own A-ha moment.

Offer them something of value.

 

In other words, in a concise way give words to the principle you learned—think of the takeaway as a precept, a saying, a guideline, an adage—something readers can live by, a principle that can be life-changing for them, too.

 

Use your takeaway to offer readers hope,

or wisdom,

or courage,

or laughter,

or a solution,

or a new way of living or loving.

 

Your takeaways, then, communicate to readers: “I know this is true because I have experienced it, I have lived it. It changed my life. Perhaps it will change your life, too.”

 

Come back next week when we’ll continue working on takeaways.

 

There you have it, your Tuesday Tidbit.

 

Tuesday Tidbit: Celebrate God’s grace upon grace in your memoir

Take time—make time—to remember:

God’s blessings one after another after another,

His favor,

His mercy,

and gifts,

heaped upon you—

all because of the abundance of His grace.

 

And when you have remembered them,

write them into your memoir.

Create a memoir that is

a conscious celebration of God

in all His goodness, faithfulness, holiness, and splendor.

(Click on that link!)

 

There you have it: your Tuesday Tidbit.

Tuesday Tidbit: Remind yourself of all the reasons to keep writing

Writing a memoir is a lot of work—a lot of work!

 

Because of that, sometimes it’s easy to get discouraged.

 

But take heart!

 

Remind yourself of all the reasons to keep writing.

 

You want to bless your readers in any number of ways—you want to leave a spiritual legacy, you want your story to inspire others in their own lives:

 

• to never give up, never quit fighting, and always hope
• to make good choices and be trustworthy people of integrity
• to speak up when something’s not right
• to always love, always forgive, and always extend grace
• to grow in their faith

 

The list goes on and on.

 

So: Inspire your readers to be courageous.

 

Inspire them to pray.

 

Offer them solutions.

 

Encourage them to laugh and love—to love God and others.

 

Be of good cheer,

all you memoir-writers out there!

 

Your story is important.

 

Remember the words of Jeff Goins:

“Never, ever, ever underestimate

the power your words can have.”

 

Keep writing!

 

God can use your life and your stories

to help others and to honor Him!

 

There you have it:

your Tuesday Tidbit.

 

“Count your blessings backward”

Sandra Clifton was desperately in need. In her discouragement, she cried out to God, “Are You there?”

 

Sandra seemed to hear God answer, “Count your blessings—backward!”

 

Think about that! Count your blessings—backward!

 

And so she did—Sandra began to examine her past, to remember what God had done.

 

In doing so, she discovered God had been guiding and providing for her even though she hadn’t detected it.

 

“I realized what God wanted me to understand: that He had been at work all along, setting up circumstances to bring His will to pass in my life. Recalling previous blessings and answered prayers reminded me of this truth. It is what David meant by ‘encouraging himself in the Lord.’

 

Sandra continues, “Tracing our blessings backward shows us the ‘pattern’ of God’s involvement in our lives. It allows us to see that the very obstacles we face today could be the things that set us up for His blessings tomorrow.”

 

“Today’s blessings are a result of the Father’s masterful orchestration of people and events,” she points out.

 

Sandra’s message is a glorious one, 

and it’s also what writing a spiritual memoir is all about.

 

We memoirists devote ourselves to remembering what God has done in the past. “‘Remember’ is the most frequent command in the Old Testament,” writes Mike Metzger.

 

We examine what happened in the past, we ponder, we take a broader, wider, deeper, higher look.

 

We search for God’s fingerprints.

 

We look for patterns in our lives.

 

We reflect in a deliberate way.

 

We connect the dots.

 

We trace our blessings backward. 

What a superb, blessed experience that can be!

 

What do you need to remember today?

 

Think back on your conversations with God—and write about them.

 

Remember how He confirmed His direction for your life—and write about it.

 

Remember what you committed to Him, remember the Bible verses that inspired you to make that commitment—and write about all that.

 

Remember your joy in setting out—and write about it.

 

Remember all the ways God walked hand in hand with you when you stumbled through rough spots, through dread-filled times, through your anguish—and write about it.

 

Remember raising your hands in surrender to God, trusting Him for His best outcome for your life—and write about it.

 

Remember the ways He brought you to a new and good place—and write about all of that.

 

And take joy in your writing!

 

“Say it,” not as a hobby but as a ministry

Grandmas with Heart has a message that pertains to everyone here at SM 101, not just grandparents! “There is more to being a grandparent than fun and games—there is the handing down of confident faith . . . by being the link between the past and the future.”

 

“We . . . share with them the history of their family” such as when an ancestor “gave food from his grocery store to families who could not buy food in the depression and saved their lives.”

 

Stories such as when an ancestor “was hit over the head, thrown on a boat, taken to America and sold as an indentured servant.”

 

Grandma’s With Heart continues, “We are blessed to share how God worked in the lives of family in the distant past, in our own lives, and help them learn to watch for what He does in their own lives. . . .” 

 

Family histories “are a way they connect to the past, learn to pay attention to the present, while looking forward to the future.

 

“They give us a way to help the generations who come behind us trace God’s hands through the lives of their ancestors and know what it looks like to see His hand in their own lives. . . .

 

“Be the link in His chain of love which connects the past with the future.” (Read more at “Be the Link in the Chain.”)

 

Now, some of you might think

writing a memoir is for other people.

Some of you might question

whether you should write a memoir

for your kids and grandkids.

Some of you wonder

if your life’s stories are important.

 

At times we all have nagging uncertainties:

 

Do I have anything important to say?

 

Haven’t other writers already penned everything significant?

 

To counter those doubts, hear this:

 

You’re part of a story much bigger than yourself:

Your story is important.

It’s part of God’s story, and God’s story is part of yours.

 

Today, to reiterate your stories’ importance, I’m pleased to share words that have stuck in my mind for several years now, words of Edward Paz. Take Edward’s message to heart because it’s true!

 

“Say it.

Because no one else has said it with your style.

Because no one has said it with your energy.

Because no one has said it with your passion.

Say it.

Because no one has said it to your tribe.

Because no one has said it to your audience.

Because no one has said it to your followers.

Say it.

Who cares if someone else talked about it?

Who cares if someone else blogged about it?

Who cares if someone else wrote about it?

Say it anyways.

The truth is,

if you haven’t said it, it has yet to be said.”

(Edward Paz)

 

Friends! Wonder no more whether your stories are important.

 

You have lived stories only you can share.

Your history—your experiences, your insights,

your lessons learned—are not your own.

They have been entrusted to you by God.

 

Connect your stories with God’s story—

not as a hobby,

but as an important ministry to your family.

 

 

Memoirist Jessica Cherie Errico: When there’s a gap where love should be

We read books to find ways to fill the gaps we have in our hearts and minds and souls.

 

We look for stories by those  

who have journeyed down life’s road ahead of us.

Why?

Because we can catch a glimpse of ourselves

in other people’s stories,

and by their example and their words,

they offer us answers, guidance, and inspiration.

 

With that in mind, I’m pleased to recommend Jessica Cherie Errico’s memoir, The Mother Gap: A Daughter’s Search for Connection, the story of her longing for a close relationship with her alcoholic mother.

 

“When a daughter feels disconnected from her mother, her heart hurts. There is an empty spot, a gap, where love should be. Her heart cries out, ‘Mom, I need you! . . . Aren’t I good enough?’”

 

Perhaps you know Jessica’s pain, you know what it’s like to feel a disconnect with your mother—or father. Or maybe you know others who suffer such pain. Reverend Roland Coffee writes that The Mother Gap “. . . should help anyone struggling with  memories of the lack of parental love.”

 

Jessica says, “Because of God’s forgiveness in my life, I have learned to extend forgiveness to those who’ve hurt me.”

 

She saw how bitterness consumed her mother and says, “I realized I didn’t want that for my life. . . . I had been accumulating her pain in my heart and . . . I needed to be free of that, so God showed me how to be willing to forgive her.

 

“I wanted to share that with others because many women have conflicts with their moms or other close relatives. We’re all in the process of learning how to forgive and let go.”

 

One reviewer of Jessica’s memoir said that her “moving transparent story . . . awakened buried pain” of her childhood relationship with her own parents and helped her to see them in a new light. “My heightened forgiveness of both of them has freed me to shine my light for Jesus much brighter now. This was an excellent healing balm for me.”

Another reviewer wrote: “Jessica’s story about her troubled relationship with her mother is written openly and honestly. It can help anyone suffering with . . . a handicapped relationship. . . . Jessica does not skip over the difficulties or the pain, but openly confesses that it is by the power of God that such a turn-about and personal growth can be experienced.”

 

Another reviewer wrote: “Thank you, Jessica, for opening my eyes to my own mom’s experience. In reading this beautiful testimony of love and forgiveness, I was helped to resolve the residual pain in my own heart!”

As Joe Rigney writes, "Stories are powerful. Stories are soul food. . . . and they can help us in soul care.

 

“Stories can help us gain perspective, to step outside of our own lives in order to reflect on reality. Stories can point us to The Story, so that we can find ourselves in God’s narrative when we’re lost and adrift.

 

“Stories can direct us to the truth, helping us to remember and to connect with God and with each other.

 

“And stories can direct us to action, to remind us of God’s call upon us, so that we might walk in the light as he is in the light” (Joe Rigney, “Weep, But Also Rejoice”).

 

I encourage you to read and share The Mother Gap: A Daughter’s Search for Connection. Within its pages you’ll find rich blessings for yourself and your family members—because all of us have gaps, those empty spots where love should be.

 

 

Jessica’s words and heart

have blessed us already so much today,

but here’s more!

Here are a couple of bonuses for you:

 

Click on Forgiveness Heals Relationships to watch her interview with Lisa Buldo.

Click on Forgiveness and Connection: The Search, to watch Jessica’s interview with Dr. Sheila Sapp. 

Come back next week for Jessica’s special message

for those writing their own memoirs.

 

Jessica Errico is an artist and author. She’s published four books, several articles, and writes a bi-monthly column for the Religion Section of her local newspaper. Visit her website, Jessica  Cherie Errico: Author/Artist,  as well as her blog of the same name.