Your memoir’s ultimate purpose: You are a God-designed link between generations past and future

 

Have you given thought to your memoir’s ultimate purpose?

 

Whether your answer is yes or no, here’s something to think about:

 

We learn from the Bible why God acts on behalf of His people: so that they would know Him: “Then you will know that I am the Lord your God” (Exodus 6:6-7, 1 Kings 20:13, Ezekiel 37:5-6, and Joel 2:19-27) and so that people would see Him and praise Him.

 

God does the same nowadays: He assures us of His love and faithfulness by doing things for us, sometimes in earthshaking ways, but usually in everyday ways.

 

So here you and I are, writing our stories—

about high school athletics, about being a Boy Scout,

or about falling in love, or raising babies, or teenagers,

or foster children;

about starting careers, or finding a best friend,

or climbing mountains,

or wrestling an octopus,

or serving in the military;

about going bankrupt, or having cancer,

or suddenly finding ourselves widows,

or being homeless, or orphaned,

or blind, or lost. . . .

 

And if we look deeply and examine it all and connect the dots (click on that link), we discover God was with us every second and every day, working on our behalf.

 

Oswald Chambers said it this way: “Never believe that so-called random events of life are anything less than God’s appointed order. Be ready to discover His divine designs anywhere and everywhere.” (My Utmost for His Highest)

 

Make time to search for what He has done for you—often in seemingly little, everyday ways—and never doubt that He can use your stories to help readers see Him, know Him, and praise Him.

 

It still boggles my mind—God established this ingenious plan—for us to teach our children and grandchildren what we’ve seen Him do—because He knows that both we and they will benefit if we know, love, and follow Him.

 

Take in this paraphrase of Psalm 78:2-7:

 

We will tell our children,

and the generations that come after us,

God-shaped family stories our parents and grandparents

passed down to us.

Let’s not hide them

from our children and grandchildren.

Instead, let’s tell stories of what we have seen God do—

His power and might,

and the glorious and praiseworthy things He has done—

so that we and they will praise Him.

God commanded our ancestors

to teach such things to their children

so they in turn would teach their children

down through the generations.

This is His plan to help all of us

grasp and remember His deeds and miracles

and live faithfully according to His ways.

 

With that in mind, here’s an important tip:

 

Everyone resists those who get preachy

and have a holier-than-thou attitude,

so instead of harping on do’s and don’ts,

tell stories that will help young people

discover for themselves what’s important about God.

 

Stories are powerful.

 

“A story is up to twenty-two times more memorable than facts alone,” according to Professor Jennifer Aaker of the Stanford Graduate School of Business.

 

Your story can entertain, cause readers to laugh,

or cry,

or both,

and they’ll remember your stories

longer than lectures or preaching.

Readers can take in the wisdom you learned,

avoid mistakes you have made,

and make their own good choices.

They can navigate through their own difficulties and mysteries,

make sense of their own lives,

and have a sense of direction for the future.

Your stories can soften and strengthen hearts,

pass on hope, and offer grace.

 

The following captures my vision—my prayer, my heart’s desire—for the memoir classes I teach and for this blog:

 

Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise. . . .

One generation will commend Your works to another;

they will tell of your mighty acts.

They will speak of the glorious splendor of Your majesty,

and I will meditate on Your wonderful works.

They will tell of the power of Your awesome works,

and I will proclaim Your great deeds.

They will celebrate Your abundant goodness

and joyfully sing of Your righteousness.

(Psalm 145:3-7, NIV)

 

Make a conscious decision to write your memoir as a celebration of God.

 

As George Herbert said in the quote below, consider yourself a secretary of God’s praise.

 

Back to Basics: Connecting the dots of your life

 

If you’re a newcomer here at SM 101, you’ll soon recognize that I urge memoirists to connect their dots. Among other benefits, connecting your dots will help you with your story arc. (If you missed recent posts on your story arc, click on Your memoir’s all-important story arc as well as Your memoir’s middle and end. And don’t miss Is your story arc eluding you?)

 

Connecting your dots is also important for you personally.

 

Because, you see, your memoir is a gift not only to readers,

but especially to yourself: 

In writing, you can look back,

connect the dots,

follow the bread crumbs,

and realize

—maybe as never before—

that God has pointed you toward destinations

He planned especially for you—

good places,

even if they didn’t look good at the time.

 

Perhaps you’ll find yourself in Henri Nouwen’s words: “In every critical event, there is an opportunity for God to act creatively and reveal a deeper truth than what we see on the surface of things. God can also turn around critical incidents and seemingly hopeless situations in our lives and reveal light in darkness.” (Discernment)

 

By “connect your dots,” I mean this: Search for the ways God was involved in arranging the key events of your life, and then identify the ways He strings them together—how He “connects the dots.”

 

First, identify your dots:

 

• interruptions that popped into your life,
• disappointments, roadblocks,
• surprises (good and not-so-good),
• where you chose to get your education,
• jobs you took,
• people you met (including your future spouse),
• houses you bought,
• setbacks,
• failures,
• the birth of your children,
• the death of a significant person,
• a conversation with a stranger,
• an accident or illness that changed your life,
• major decisions you had to make,
• meeting the person who’d become your best friend,
• and everything having to do with your faith in God.

 

Look back—take as long as you need. Identify your dots, your turning points, those pivotal moments.

 

Once you’ve done that, string your dots together. What do they all mean in relation to each other?

 

What was God doing over the years to point you in the right direction? How did He use one “dot” to prepare you for the next “dot”? And then the next one? And what did He do to bring you to where you are today?

 

In her Bible study, Esther, Beth Moore writes, “If we could only see what is  happening around us in the unseen realm, our eyes would nearly pop out of socket. . . . So much that would thrill us lies beyond our sight. . . .” How exciting is that?!

 

That’s why memoirists must invest time in retrospection, make an effort to dig deeply into the past, connect the dots, string them together, and make sense of what happened in the past. Recognize how you became the person you are today.

 

Yes, that’s a lot of work—but, oh! The treasures you’ll discover!

 

String together all the ways God has been working out His good plans for your life.

 

“He’s weaving pieces together

that will tell of His faithfulness

when generations to come read the pages of your life.”

Kaitlyn Bouchillon

 

“Never believe that the so-called random events of life

are anything less than God’s appointed order.

Be ready to discover His divine designs

anywhere and everywhere.”

(Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest)

“Count your blessings backward”

Sandra Clifton was desperately in need. In her discouragement, she cried out to God, “Are You there?”

 

Sandra seemed to hear God answer, “Count your blessings—backward!”

 

Think about that! Count your blessings—backward!

 

And so she did—Sandra began to examine her past, to remember what God had done.

 

In doing so, she discovered God had been guiding and providing for her even though she hadn’t detected it.

 

“I realized what God wanted me to understand: that He had been at work all along, setting up circumstances to bring His will to pass in my life. Recalling previous blessings and answered prayers reminded me of this truth. It is what David meant by ‘encouraging himself in the Lord.’

 

Sandra continues, “Tracing our blessings backward shows us the ‘pattern’ of God’s involvement in our lives. It allows us to see that the very obstacles we face today could be the things that set us up for His blessings tomorrow.”

 

“Today’s blessings are a result of the Father’s masterful orchestration of people and events,” she points out.

 

Sandra’s message is a glorious one, 

and it’s also what writing a spiritual memoir is all about.

 

We memoirists devote ourselves to remembering what God has done in the past. “‘Remember’ is the most frequent command in the Old Testament,” writes Mike Metzger.

 

We examine what happened in the past, we ponder, we take a broader, wider, deeper, higher look.

 

We search for God’s fingerprints.

 

We look for patterns in our lives.

 

We reflect in a deliberate way.

 

We connect the dots.

 

We trace our blessings backward. 

What a superb, blessed experience that can be!

 

What do you need to remember today?

 

Think back on your conversations with God—and write about them.

 

Remember how He confirmed His direction for your life—and write about it.

 

Remember what you committed to Him, remember the Bible verses that inspired you to make that commitment—and write about all that.

 

Remember your joy in setting out—and write about it.

 

Remember all the ways God walked hand in hand with you when you stumbled through rough spots, through dread-filled times, through your anguish—and write about it.

 

Remember raising your hands in surrender to God, trusting Him for His best outcome for your life—and write about it.

 

Remember the ways He brought you to a new and good place—and write about all of that.

 

And take joy in your writing!

 

On sputtering flames and rekindling sparks: Offering others the light someone gave to you

 

Every once in a while, a passage of Annie Dillard’s makes sense to me. (I usually struggle to grasp much of her writings. How about you?)

 

But recently one of her anecdotes came across loud and clear. In Holy the Firm, she writes about a camping trip, reading at night by candlelight, and watching moths flying into the flames.

 

She writes:

 

“One night. . . a golden female moth, a biggish one with a two-inch wingspan, flapped into the fire, dropped her abdomen into the wet wax, stuck, flamed, frazzled and fried in a second. Her moving wings ignited like tissue paper, enlarging the circle of light in the clearing. . . .

 

“Her six legs clawed, curled, blackened, and ceased, disappearing utterly. And her head jerked in spasms. . . her antennae crisped and burned away. . . . Her head was . . . gone. . . .

 

“All that was left was the glowing horn shell of her abdomen and thorax—a fraying, partially collapsed gold tube jammed upright in the candle’s round pool.

 

“And then this . . . spectacular skeleton, began to act as a wick. She kept burning . . . a saffron-yellow flame. . . . She burned for two hours without changing . . . while I read by her light.” (Annie Dillard, Holy the Firm)

  

That reminds me of Albert Schweitzer’s quote:

 

“At times our own light goes out 

and is rekindled by a spark from another person. 

Each of us has cause to think 

with deep gratitude 

of those who have lighted the flame within us.”

 

Read those two sentences again and pause to think:

 

How many times has your light dimmed and faltered, only to be rekindled by a spark—a light shared—from another person?

 

In what ways did God arrange events to bring that person into your life?

 

Back then, you might not have recognized God’s efforts to bring that person into your life, but it’s not too late!

 

Think about Annie Dillard’s moth. Think of people who are no longer with you but whose lives and light have lived on, guiding you, encouraging and inspiring you to fight the good fight. I think of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., former U.S. Representative John Lewis, Helen Keller, Corrie Ten Boom.

 

I have a hunch that the brightest sparks of light in your life are people who don’t make it into the news or Wikipedia or books. Maybe he or she was:

• a neighbor,
• or a grocery clerk,
• a fireman,
• a four-year-old,
• a writer,
• a parent or grandparent,
• an athlete
• a librarian,
• a nurse,
• a conference speaker,
• a coach,
• your best friend,
• a new friend,
• or even a stranger that you never saw again.

 

Who “enlarged the circle of light” available to you? Who “kept burning . . . while you read by her light”?

 

Be deliberate. Make time to remember.

 

Snap the puzzle pieces together. Connect the dots and notice the ways God hovered close, using that person to rekindle your light.

 

Uncover it, even if it takes weeks or months.

 

Here’s a suggestion:

 

Make yourself a working document, a three-column list, one column for your “dark” times, a second column for the people who shared their light, and a third column to make notes about specifics that come to mind.

 

Some, if not all, of those incidents are stories to write in your memoir.

 

When you write, dig deep. And deeper. Refuse to skim over the shallow surface of life.

 

What did you learn about yourself through both the dimming of your light and the rekindling of it?

 

What new and better person did you become?

 

 As a result, how did your life change?

 

What did you learn about God?

 

How did the experience strengthen your faith?

 

How did it inspire you to be a light in other people’s lives?

 

When you write about those experiences, you are saying, like David in Psalm 18:28, “My God turns my darkness into light.”

 

2 Peter 2:9 speaks to those chosen by God, set apart, belonging to God, for a purpose: “that you might declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”

 

Just think!

Through your memoir you can pass on to others

the light someone gave to you!

 

Your story can reach into the lives and hearts and minds

of those whose lights have dimmed and faltered.

 

Your memoir can rekindle a spark

that can grow into bright flames of light.

 

Wow! Just Wow!

 

Your daily life: “Imagine the divine activities behind the scene”

In her Bible study, Esther, Beth Moore suggests that we “imagine the divine activities behind the scene[s].”

Those few words remind me of my challenge to all you memoirists writing stories with a spiritual dimension. You’ll often hear me say, “Connect your dots.”

By “connect your dots,” I mean this: Search for the ways God was involved in arranging the key events of your life, and then identify the ways He strings them together—how He “connects the dots.”

Beth continues, “If we could only see what is  happening around us in the unseen realm, our eyes would nearly pop out of socket. . . . So much that would thrill us lies beyond our sight. . . .”

Beth writes that God sometimes appears in the midst of a crisis “dressed in the best disguise of all: ordinary events. He tucks a miracle in the folds of His robe and sweeps in and out unnoticed.

“Only in retrospect do we realize that a divine visitation graced our cold, crude winter and the resurrection of spring is on its way.

“Sometimes we grab the hem of Christ’s garment for dear life. . . . Other times it brushes past us and we never recognize that the turn-around marking the months to come began with a single touch.”

She calls those events “so forgettably ordinary.”

So forgettable. So ordinary. Sigh.

That’s why memoirists must invest time in retrospection. That’s why memoirists must set aside time and make an effort to dig deeply into the past, to uncover, piece together, connect the dots, and make sense of what happened in the past.

Yes, that’s a lot of work—but, oh! The treasures you’ll discover!

Amy Carmichael wrote of new insights she received one day in reading Deuteronomy 11 when God was sending the Israelites to the land of milk and honey with the promise that “the eyes of the Lord your God are continually on [the land] from the beginning of the year to its end” (vs 12).

Amy wrote, “‘From the beginning of the year until the end of the year’—much is folded up in that. The day of the week, the hour of the day, every minute of the day, not one is outside His care.” (Edges of His Ways)

Think on those words

while you reflect and ponder and piece together your story—

while you connect your dots.

From the beginning to the end, God’s eye is on you.

Every minute.

“Never believe that the so-called random events of life are anything less than God’s appointed order. Be ready to discover His divine designs anywhere and everywhere.” (Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest)

Your memoir: Lighthearted or heavy?

I’ve mentioned before that memoirs can be about happy experiences, good people, and victories. They can be lighthearted, even humorous.

Yet many memoirists write stories about suffering, trauma, setback, or failure.

The genre of memoir lends itself to stories of hardship because we write about: 

• moving from one stage of our lives into a better one,
• learning from our experiences—about ourselves, others, and God,
• and becoming new and improved persons as a result of our experiences.

Those aspects of memoir, when we think of writing one ourselves, often trigger memories of difficult circumstances we’ve fought through and overcome.

But memoirs don’t have to be about battles fought and won. They can be about happier occasions, too.

Perhaps Marion Roach Smith’s updated definition of memoir will set us free to write of pleasanter experiences.

She says, 

“Memoir is about something you know 

after something you’ve been through.”

For example, she tells about her love of gardening: “. . . what I really know from thirty years in the garden is that peace can be found in my own back yard.”

So, our job as memoirists is to tell readers what we learned—how we transitioned from our old selves into our new selves.

Too many people live on the busy, trifling surface, decade after decade—which is a sad way to live. That’s probably what Chuck Swindoll had in mind when he wrote, “Some of God’s best truths, like priceless treasures, are hidden in depths most folks never take time to search out.”

That’s why writing a memoir requires us to search out those hidden treasures—to intentionally reflect, to ponder, examine, piece together events and relationships, connect the dots and discover what was really going on, to grasp the deeper, wider, higher picture. (Click here to review what the definition of memoir is.)

With that in mind, here are ideas for less-than-traumatic memoirs.

What did you learn, what do you now know, after: 

• taking a cruise to Alaska
• playing sports
• spending a summer on your uncle’s ranch
• taking care of pets
• going on a short-term mission trip
• babysitting
• being a parent
• working on a summer camp’s staff
• living in the desert—or rainforest
• working as a driver’s ed instructor
• blogging
• belonging to your high school Girls’ Club
• volunteering at a nursing home
• reuniting with your first love.

What did you learn from: 

• your best friend
• your parent
• a grandparent
• your children
• your grandchildren
• your favorite professor
• an immigrant
• a first responder
• a handicapped person
• a Bible study
• your first paying job
• a road trip
• learning how to cook
• learning how to make house repairs
• your favorite songs.

And here at SM 101, we also seek to discover what God was doing in the midst of our experiences. We might not have noticed His involvement at the time, but in making time to look back, we realize He was doing what He promised in the Bible, teaching us truths we need to understand, strengthening our faith, and more—all kinds of special, loving things.

Your story could be about something that happened suddenly, or about something that slowly, quietly crept into your heart and changed your attitude, or gave you hope, made you laugh, strengthened your faith, or gave you peace.

Think about an Aha moment 

when you discovered something lovely 

or insightful or helpful. 

A realization that filled you with wonder. 

A mystery you solved, 

or a discovery that delighted you, 

a discovery that, if you shared it, 

would add joy to other people’s lives. 

Your story is important.

It could turn a person’s life in a new direction.

God can use your story.

Someone needs to hear it.

Writing about when your darkness turned to light

“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person,” said Albert Schweitzer. “Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.”

Read those two sentences again and pause to think:

How many times has your light dimmed and faltered, only to be rekindled by a spark from another person?

In what ways did God arrange events to bring that person into your life?

Maybe he or she was a neighbor, or a grocery clerk, a fireman, a four-year-old, a librarian, a conference speaker, your best friend, a new friend, or even a stranger you never saw again.

Back then, you might not have recognized God’s efforts to bring that person into your life, but it’s not too late!

Be deliberate. Make time to remember.

Ponder what happened. Snap the puzzle pieces together. Connect the dots and notice the ways God hovered close, using that person to lighten your burden, to rekindle your light.

Uncover it, even if it takes weeks or months.

Here’s a suggestion:

Make yourself a working document, a three-column list, one column for your dark events, a second column for the people who shared their light, and a third column to make notes about specifics that come to mind.

Some, if not all, of those incidents are stories to write in your memoir.

When you write, dig deep. And deeper. Refuse to skim over the shallow surface of life.

• What did you learn about yourself through both the dimming of your light and the rekindling of it?
• What new and better person did you become?
• As a result, how did your life change?
• What did you learn about God?
• How did the experience strengthen your faith?

When you write about those experiences, you are saying, like David in Psalm 18:28, “My God turns my darkness into light.”

2 Peter 2:9 speaks to those chosen by God, set apart, belonging to God, for a purpose: “that you might declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.”

Just think!

Through your memoir you can pass on to others

the light someone gave to you!

It can reach into the lives and hearts and minds

of those whose lights have dimmed and faltered.

Your memoir can rekindle a spark

that can grow into bright flames of light.

Wow! Just Wow!

Tuesday Tidbit: What did you discover along your hallways and highways?

Look back over your life.

Make time to remember. (You won’t want to miss The sacred importance of remembering.)

“We are meant to look back to what God has done in the past,” writes Beth Moore, “so our faith is set aflame for what He can do in our future.”

Your memoir is a gift not only to readers,

but especially to yourself: 

In writing, you can look back,

connect the dots,

follow the bread crumbs,

and realize

—maybe as never before—

that God has pointed you down hallowed hallways and highways,

sending you to destinations He planned especially for you—

good places,

even if they didn’t look good at the time.

Perhaps you’ll find yourself in Henri Nouwen’s words: “In every critical event, there is an opportunity for God to act creatively and reveal a deeper truth than what we see on the surface of things. God can also turn around critical incidents and seemingly hopeless situations in our lives and reveal light in darkness.” (Discernment)

Invest in yourself—in your spiritual life, your relationship with God—by remembering what you’ve seen Him do. Rediscover what you’ve forgotten. Find significance in what you overlooked in the past.

Look again at Henri Nouwen’s words and ask yourself:

• When did I look beneath the surface of life’s issues?
• When I dug deep, what significant new truths did I discover?
• In critical, seemingly hopeless moments, what light did God shine in my darkness?
• And, in what specific ways did they fire up my faith for what God could do in my future? Take it to the next step: What, specifically, did He do in my future?

Write those stories!

Doing so could change your life now and for the future.

There you have it, your Tuesday Tidbit.