Back to Basics: Use humor “like a sneak attack”

 

Years ago, I ran across a brilliant technique you can use in writing your memoir.

 

Johnny B. Truant told a story from his high school years when 1,200 students gathered for an assembly—but no one knew why.

 

Two men took the stage and, instead of telling why they were there, they told jokes and funny stories, commiserated with students about how bad high school is, and poked fun at teachers and administrators.

 

“We liked these guys,” Johnny said. “They thought like we did. Their stories were interesting and fun. We settled in and relaxed.”

 

“We stopped caring why we’d been called to the assembly. Someone made a mistake and had booked pure entertainment, but we weren’t about to complain.”

 

“But everything changed about halfway through the talk.

“It was like a sneak attack:

it was on us before we knew it was coming.”

 

The guest speakers started talking about AIDS, abstinence, teenage drinking, and drug use.

 

“It was all the stuff that adults usually talk to teenagers about—the stuff teenagers usually roll their eyes at.

 

“But we weren’t rolling our eyes. We were listening. We’d been transfixed.”

 

The speakers didn’t preach that AIDS is something to avoid.

 

Instead, they brought the crowd back to a girl they’d talked about in their funny stories—and told them she died of HIV.

 

They didn’t tell the students not to drink and drive.

 

Instead, they brought the crowd back to a boy they’d heard about earlier in the funny stories—and told them he was hit by a drunk driver and spent the rest of his life in a wheelchair.

 

Afterward, when those 1,200 kids filed out of the auditorium, Johnny says, “Most of the kids who streamed past me were silent or crying.”

 

Those guest speakers had come to urge the teens to avoid dumb choices and reckless living and peer pressure and, instead, to be smart, to make the right choices.

 

Usually, high schoolers thumb their noses at adults who try to tell them such things, “But because they did their selling through stories, we’d bought it all,” remembers Johnny.

 

What do you think? Isn’t that a brilliant technique? A winning method?

 

Using humor in the beginning was a factor in their story’s success—which brings us back to last week’s post and the importance of making ‘em laugh in your memoir.

 

Humor establishes a bond between you and your readers. It makes you seem real. Humor endears you to them. It makes them enjoy you. They’ll remember you and your story.

 

Including at least a little humor early in your memoir can do all that for your readers. (Maybe your memoir does not lend itself to humor—a small number don’t—but I encourage everyone else to consider using it.)

 

If you can get your readers to laugh, they’ll let their guard down a bit. That will make them more interested in what you tell them later—in the takeaways you will offer them. (Click on Your memoir’s all-important takeaways.)

 

Think of this:

You don’t know who your readers might be.

You’re writing your memoir

for people who come after you,

perhaps generations not yet born.

You can’t look into the future

to know what their situations and challenges might be.

 

But you do know everyone has hardships and heartaches.

Everyone needs wisdom to make important decisions

and to live their lives well,

and your memoir’s stories could help readers

find their way through the bumps 

and potholes in the road of life.

 

Remember: God used other people’s stories

to help make you who you are.

Their stories rubbed off on you.

It’s as if other people’s stories are infectious. Contagious.

 

Someone’s story:

• taught you how to be courageous
• showed you how to live an honorable life
• helped keep your faith strong
• helped you not give up hope
• kept you on the right track
• inspired you
• passed on wisdom
• pointed you to God.

 

Now it’s your turn. In the same way other people’s stories helped you, you can help others.

 

Your stories are important, so try the techniques those guest speakers did:

 

Win over your readers with comedy, and then carry out your sneak attack: Bring out the deeper lessons of your stories.

 

To help you get started:

 

Who impressed upon you the importance of safe driving, or standing up to peer pressure, or the consequences of cheating or lying? What are your stories? Write them. Try to include some humor.

 

Who taught you the merits of keeping a promise, or arriving at work on time, or being loyal? What are your stories? Write them. Search for ways to include something funny.

 

If you want to pass on

important lessons

to future generations,

write engaging stories

with well-developed characters.

And consider using humor

to draw them in.

 

Make ‘em laugh: “an instant connection”

 

I hope you’ve enjoyed our recent posts on “Make ‘em cry, make ‘em laugh, make ‘em wait.”

 

You’ll remember that Wilkie Collins (1824-1889) gets credit for that advice, though he said he borrowed the idea from the music hall; some speculate he borrowed it from Dickens.

 

Whatever its origin, speakers and writers follow that advice for obvious reasons: it keeps audiences engaged.

 

In writing your memoir, then, “Make ‘em cry, make ‘em laugh, make ‘em wait.” I prefer to change Collins’ order—in many cases, I like to make ‘em laugh before I make ‘em cry.

 

Next week we’ll look at making ‘em cry, but today, we’ll finish with “make ‘em laugh.”

 

Remember: humor helps draw readers to you. It encourages bonding and allows readers to be involved with you in your story.

 

Humor makes you seem real. You are no longer a vague author lurking in shadows. Instead, your reader has spent a happy time with you and, as a result, she likes you. She wants to know you better.

And there’s a lot to be said about combining vulnerability with humor:

 

“The blend of vulnerability and humor,” writes pastor Chuck Swindoll, “established an instant connection that allowed what I had to say to slip past their defenses and find a warm welcome in their hearts.”

 

Chuck’s advice works for memoirists. He goes on to say:

 

“Humor will help you ‘say it well.’ When handled with care, humor will also endear you to your audiences, who will then give you greater access to their hearts.” (Touching Others With Your Words)

 

If you missed recent posts on making ‘em laugh

in your memoir, click on the links below.

 

And be sure to come back next week for “make ‘em cry.”

 

“Make ‘em cry, make ‘em laugh, make ‘em wait.”

Humor in your memoir: “like a sneak attack”

Use humor the right way in your memoir

 

Humor in your memoir: “like a sneak attack”

 Every once in a while, I run across a blog post that sticks with me. Does that happen to you, too?

 

October 10, 2010—ten years ago!—I read a Johnny B. Truant post about a brilliant technique we can apply to writing memoir.

 

Johnny told a story from his high school years when one afternoon, 1200 students gathered for an assembly—but no one knew why.

 

Two men took the stage and, instead of telling why they were there, they told jokes and funny stories, commiserated with students about how bad high school is, and poked fun at teachers and administrators.

 

“We liked these guys,” Johnny said. “They thought like we did. Their stories were interesting and fun. We settled in and relaxed.”

 

But everything changed about halfway through the talk. “It was like a sneak attack: it was on us before we knew it was coming.”

 

The guest speakers started talking about AIDS, abstinence, teenage drinking, and drug use.

 

“It was all the stuff that adults usually talk to teenagers about—the stuff teenagers usually roll their eyes at.

 

“But we weren’t rolling our eyes. We were listening. We’d been transfixed.”

 

The speakers didn’t preach that AIDS is something to avoid. Instead, they brought the crowd back to a girl they’d talked about in their funny stories—and told them she died of HIV.

 

They didn’t tell the students not to drink and drive. Instead, they brought the crowd back to a boy they’d heard about earlier in the funny stories—and told them he was hit by a drunk driver and spent the rest of his life in a wheelchair.

 

Afterward, when those 1200 kids filed out of the auditorium, Johnny says, “Most of the kids who streamed past me were silent or crying.”

 

Those guest speakers had come to urge the teens to avoid dumb choices and reckless living and peer pressure and, instead, to think, to be smart, to make right choices. Usually high schoolers thumb their noses at adults who try to tell them such things, “But because they did their selling through stories, we’d bought it all,” remembers Johnny.

 

What do you think? Wasn’t that a brilliant technique?

 

Using humor in the beginning of their talk was a factor in their story’s success—which brings us back to last week’s post and the importance of making ‘em laugh in your memoir.

 

Humor establishes a bond between you and your readers. It engages your readers and makes you seem real. Humor endears you to your readers. Humor makes your readers enjoy you. (Read more at “Make ‘em cry, make ‘em laugh, make ‘em wait.”)

 

If you don’t establish a bond with your readers toward the beginning of your memoir, they’re likely to toss your memoir aside and let it get dusty. Or maybe throw it in the trash. Or donate it to the local thrift store.

 

If you want people to read your memoir, you’ve gotta hook your readers. Including at least a little humor someplace early in your memoir can do that. (Your memoir might not lend itself to humor—we’ll look at other options in the future—but everyone else should consider using it.)

 

Think of this: You don’t know who your readers might be. You’re writing your memoir for people who come after you, perhaps generations not yet born. You can’t look into the future to know what their situations and challenges might be.

 

But you do know everyone has challenges and heartaches. Everyone needs wisdom to make important decisions and live their lives well, and your memoir’s stories could help readers find their way through the bumps and potholes in the road.

 

Remember: God used other people’s stories to help make you who you are. Their stories rubbed off on you. It’s as if other people’s stories are infectious. Contagious.

Someone’s story helped:

• show you courage
• show you how to live an honorable life
• keep your faith strong
• help you not give up hope
• keep you on the right track
• inspire you
• pass on wisdom to you
• point you to God.

 

Now it’s your turn. In the same way, other people helped you by sharing their stories, you can help others by sharing your stories.

 

Your stories are important. If you don’t want readers to roll their eyes and toss your memoir aside, try the techniques those guest speakers did:

 

Introduce your main characters (that includes you)

in ways that entertain and interest your readers.

Draw them in.

Develop your characters so readers can

bond with them,

so they’ll care about them.

Create main characters readers can engage with,

like the kids in the school assembly engaged with the speakers that day.

 

And then, carry out your sneak attack: Bring out the deeper lessons of your stories.

 

To help you get started:

 

Who impressed upon you the importance of safe driving, or standing up to peer pressure, or the consequences of cheating or lying? What are your stories? Write them.

 

Who taught you the merits of keeping a promise, or arriving at work on time, or being loyal? What are your stories? Write them.

 

What did key people in your past teach you? And how? What are your stories? Write them.

 

If you want to pass on

important lessons

to future generations,

write engaging stories

with well-developed characters.

And consider using humor

toward the beginning

to draw them in.

 

“Beating back the past with grace . . . and with the power of language.”

Every human has experienced pain—pain caused by bullies, or unfaithful spouses, or flawed churches, or ill-equipped parents, or egotistical bosses, or cheating co-workers, or jealous siblings. The list could go on and on.

Such experiences shape people, define people. They can result in festering wounds for years. Sometimes people can’t get over the injustice of it all.

And many write memoirs about hurt and unfairness they’ve suffered.

It’s okay to write about such experiences

• if doing so helps you heal and
• if your goal is to help others heal from their own painful pasts.

But you must write your story with the correct perspective and honorable motives. 

William Zinsser, one of my dearest writing mentors, says this:

“The marvel of Frank McCourt’s childhood is that he survived it. . . . The second marvel is that he was able to triumph over it in Angela’s Ashes, beating back the past with grace and humor and with the power of language. Those same qualities are at the heart of all the good memoirs. . . .”

Zinsser mentions three such memoirs, A Drinking Life, by Pete Hamill, The Liar’s Club by Mary Karr, and This Boy’s Life by Tobias Wolff.

He continues, “Anyone might think the domestic chaos and alcoholism and violence that enveloped those writers when they were young would have long since hardened the heart. . . .  

“Yet they look back with compassion. . . .  These books . . . were written with love.

“They elevate the pain of the past with forgiveness, arriving at a larger truth about families in various stages of brokenness. There’s no self-pity, no whining, no hunger for revenge; the authors are as honest about their young selves as they are about the sins of their elders.

“We are not victims, they want us to know. . . .  We have endured to tell the story without judgment and to get on with our lives. . . .”

Zinsser offers advice to today’s memoirists writing about people who caused pain:

“If you must use memoir to look for your own humanity and the humanity of the people who crossed your life, however much pain they caused you, readers will connect with your journey.

“What they won’t connect with is whining. Dispose of that anger someplace else.

“Get your intention clear before you start and tell your story with integrity.” (Writing About Your Life)

Remember Romans 8:28: “We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love him” (NCV).

That verse reminds me of something Chuck Swindoll said many years ago, something along these lines: “God will not waste your suffering.” That fits with this Bible verse:

“I will not cause pain without allowing

something new to be born, says the Lord.” 

Isaiah 66:9 (NCV)

Chuck Swindoll elaborates on that: “Pain, when properly handled, can shape a life for greatness. History is replete with stories of those whose struggles and scars formed the foundation for remarkable achievements. In fact, it was because of their hardship they gained what they needed to achieve greatness.” (Chuck Swindoll, Insight for Today).

Read Isaiah 66:9 again, believing it is aimed directly at you: “I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born, says the Lord.”

Believe that God can use your pain and injustices

as preparation for exceptional feats and triumphs—

such as, among other life-changing things,

sharing your story in a memoir.

Let’s choose our attitude and our words carefully. “Rid yourselves of . . . anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language. . . ” (Colossians 3:8).

“Let your [words] be full of grace, seasoned with salt [a preservative]. . . ” (Colossians 4:6, NIV).

“Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others . . . not put them down. . . ” (Colossians 4:6, The Message).

We read this in Henri Nouwen’s Bread for the Journey: “It is so important to choose words wisely. When we are boiling with anger and eager to throw bitter words at our opponents, it is better to remain silent. Words spoken [or written] in rage will make reconciliation very hard. Choosing life and not death, blessings and not curses [Deuteronomy 30:19], often starts by . . . choosing carefully the words that open the way to healing.”

Nouwen also writes: “Often we remain silent when we need to speak [or write]. Without words, it is hard to love well. When we say to [our loved ones] ‘I love you very much,’ . . . we choose to give life.

“It is not always easy to express our love directly in words. But whenever we do, we discover we have offered a blessing that will be long remembered. . . . A whole new blessed place can be opened up, a space where it is good to dwell. Indeed, words have the power to create life.”

Write a memoir full of love, honesty, and grace.

Write a memoir that shines light on not only your own darkness,

but also shines light on the darkness of others.

Offer readers hope and healing.

Offer words with the power to create life.

Your memoir: Lighthearted or heavy?

I’ve mentioned before that memoirs can be about happy experiences, good people, and victories. They can be lighthearted, even humorous.

Yet many memoirists write stories about suffering, trauma, setback, or failure.

The genre of memoir lends itself to stories of hardship because we write about: 

• moving from one stage of our lives into a better one,
• learning from our experiences—about ourselves, others, and God,
• and becoming new and improved persons as a result of our experiences.

Those aspects of memoir, when we think of writing one ourselves, often trigger memories of difficult circumstances we’ve fought through and overcome.

But memoirs don’t have to be about battles fought and won. They can be about happier occasions, too.

Perhaps Marion Roach Smith’s updated definition of memoir will set us free to write of pleasanter experiences.

She says, 

“Memoir is about something you know 

after something you’ve been through.”

For example, she tells about her love of gardening: “. . . what I really know from thirty years in the garden is that peace can be found in my own back yard.”

So, our job as memoirists is to tell readers what we learned—how we transitioned from our old selves into our new selves.

Too many people live on the busy, trifling surface, decade after decade—which is a sad way to live. That’s probably what Chuck Swindoll had in mind when he wrote, “Some of God’s best truths, like priceless treasures, are hidden in depths most folks never take time to search out.”

That’s why writing a memoir requires us to search out those hidden treasures—to intentionally reflect, to ponder, examine, piece together events and relationships, connect the dots and discover what was really going on, to grasp the deeper, wider, higher picture. (Click here to review what the definition of memoir is.)

With that in mind, here are ideas for less-than-traumatic memoirs.

What did you learn, what do you now know, after: 

• taking a cruise to Alaska
• playing sports
• spending a summer on your uncle’s ranch
• taking care of pets
• going on a short-term mission trip
• babysitting
• being a parent
• working on a summer camp’s staff
• living in the desert—or rainforest
• working as a driver’s ed instructor
• blogging
• belonging to your high school Girls’ Club
• volunteering at a nursing home
• reuniting with your first love.

What did you learn from: 

• your best friend
• your parent
• a grandparent
• your children
• your grandchildren
• your favorite professor
• an immigrant
• a first responder
• a handicapped person
• a Bible study
• your first paying job
• a road trip
• learning how to cook
• learning how to make house repairs
• your favorite songs.

And here at SM 101, we also seek to discover what God was doing in the midst of our experiences. We might not have noticed His involvement at the time, but in making time to look back, we realize He was doing what He promised in the Bible, teaching us truths we need to understand, strengthening our faith, and more—all kinds of special, loving things.

Your story could be about something that happened suddenly, or about something that slowly, quietly crept into your heart and changed your attitude, or gave you hope, made you laugh, strengthened your faith, or gave you peace.

Think about an Aha moment 

when you discovered something lovely 

or insightful or helpful. 

A realization that filled you with wonder. 

A mystery you solved, 

or a discovery that delighted you, 

a discovery that, if you shared it, 

would add joy to other people’s lives. 

Your story is important.

It could turn a person’s life in a new direction.

God can use your story.

Someone needs to hear it.

Tuesday Tidbit: Your memoir, a wise word spoken at the right moment

Reading time: 1 minute, 29 seconds

“We have stories to tell; stories that provide wisdom about the journey of life,” writes Saul Rubin. “What more have we to give one another than the truth about our human adventure as honestly and as openly as we know how?”

Think for a minute—isn’t that what memoir is all about?

Believe this: God has made you wise in at least one aspect of life and faith. Surely you have stories to write out of that wisdom!

Your memoir could be someone’s much-needed “word spoken at the right moment” (Proverbs 15:23).

• “Wisdom is more precious than rubies, and nothing you desire can compare to her” (Proverbs 8:11).
• “The wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy, impartial and sincere” (James 3:17).
• “Blessed are those who find wisdom, those who gain understanding” (Proverbs 3:13).
• “Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom” (Colossians 3:16).

But how do you become wise?

Chuck Swindoll writes about having a conversation with a friend in which the topic of wisdom kept popping up, “things like intuition, diligence, integrity, perception, consistency, loyalty. . . .

“Wisdom is hard to define,” Chuck said, “because it means much more than knowledge and goes much deeper than awareness. . . .

“I asked [my friend], ‘How does a person get wisdom? I realize we are to be men and women of wisdom, but few people ever talk about how it’s acquired.

“His answer was quick and to the point.

“‘Pain.’”

“I paused and looked deeply into his eyes. . . . I knew his one-word answer was not theoretical. He had walked the path. He and pain had gotten to know each other well. . . .”

Take a couple of minutes to read the rest of Chuck Swindoll’s post, How God Gives You Wisdom. You won’t regret it!

He concludes, “When we have responded as we should to life’s blows, enduring them rather than escaping them, God gives us more maturity that stays with us and new measures of wisdom which we are able to draw upon for the balance of our lives.”

I suspect many of you know exactly what Chuck’s talking about,

and what his friend was talking about.

How did you acquire your wisdom?

Someone needs to know your story. 

Don’t keep him or her waiting!

There you have it, your Tuesday Tidbit.

Tuesday Tidbit: Where do you find the guts to climb over or break through or dig under?

Reading time: 55 seconds

Following up on Thursday’s post, Even if I must drag myself on bleeding hands and knees to get there, yesterday David Ramos, Author, spoke to exactly where I find myself:

"The three ingredients for a miracle:

Start where you are

Be thankful for what you have

Give everything you’ve got.

So often we think we’ve hit a dead-end

When in reality, the wall isn’t telling us to turn around.

It’s seeing if we have the guts to climb over

Or break through

Or dig under.

Miracles don’t happen when there are other, safe, more practical options on the table.

They show up for those who have nothing left

The ones who show up in obedience

Raised their arms in courage

And spoke out in faith.

You are not stuck.

When you can’t seem to find a way out

That’s when you need to start paying attention to how God is finding His way in."

And dear Chuck Swindoll—yesterday he, too, encouraged me. He writes:

“If you want to . . . replace excuses with fresh determination and procrastination with tough-minded perseverance, you need discipline. Winners know that disciplined persistence must be a major part of their training. That’s the only way victory becomes an attainable reality rather than a distant dream.”

You and I can do this!

Let's remember God's encouragement:

Don't panic. I am with you.

There's no need to fear for I am your God.

I'll give you strength.

I'll help you.

I'll hold you steady,

keep a firm grip on you.

Isaiah 41:10, The Message

With God’s help—

and with each other’s prayers and practical help—

we can publish our memoirs!

We will publish our memoirs!

What can you write in your memoir about prayer?

Does your memoir include a story about prayer? If it has a spiritual dimension, and if our theme verse resonates with you:  

“Always remember what you’ve seen God do for you,

and be sure to tell your children and grandchildren,”

then you probably will include something about prayer.

To help you, here are some questions to ponder:

• Who taught you to pray? Or who modeled for you the importance of prayer?
• Was there a time you were flat-out helpless to do anything but pray?
• Think about key times in your life in which you prayed and you saw God answer.
• What happened when God responded to your prayer with silence? Or when He answered your prayer differently than you hoped for?
• When did a “No” to your prayer result in something even better?
• What’s the most important aspect of prayer that you can impress upon your kids, grandkids, and great-grands?
• What stories can you write about prayer (yours or someone else’s) to teach readers about forgiveness, grace, wisdom, and hope? And about loving God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength? (Mark 12:30)

Here are inspirational tidbits to get your ideas percolating:

“Dear God, so often in my prayers I present You with my own agenda. I ask for guidance, and strength, and courage to do what I’ve already decided…. Help me to think of prayer throughout this day as simply reporting in for duty and asking for fresh marching orders. I want to be all that You want me to be, and I want to do what You have planned for me. May this morning prayer be the beginning of a conversation with You that lasts all through the day…. Amen.” (Lloyd John Ogilvie, Quiet Moments with God, February 22 selection based on Ephesians 6:18 “praying always…”)

“Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my sighing. Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray. In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation” (Psalm 5:1-3).

“He will respond to the prayer of the destitute; He will not despise their plea. Let this be written for a future generation, that a people not yet created will praise the Lord” (Psalm 102:17-18).

“Our prayers may be awkward. Our attempts may be feeble. But since the power of prayer is in the One who hears it and not in the one who says it, our prayers do make a difference.” (Max Lucado, Discovering the Power of Prayer)   

“Have you ever found that your Father has answered a forgotten prayer? I have, and I always feel ashamed; it is so rude to forget.” (Amy Carmichael, Edges of His Ways, June 24 selection)    

“One of the experiences of prayer is that it seems that nothing happens. But when you stay with it and look back over a long period of prayer, you suddenly realize that something has happened.” (Henri Nouwen, The Genessee Diary)

“... Pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44).

“If you are having difficulty loving or relating to an individual, take him to God. Bother the Lord with this person. Don't you be bothered with him—leave him at the throne.” (Charles R. Swindoll)

“And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your  Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, don't keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him” (Matthew 6:5-8).

“Isn’t it amazing how often people try everything but prayer? It’s like the old saying: ‘When everything else fails read the instructions.’ The same with prayer. When everything else fails, try prayer…. But Elijah [in 1 Kings 18:22-40] didn’t use prayer as a last resort. Prayer was his first and only resort. A simple prayer of faith was his major contact with the living Lord. It set everything into motion.

            “Let me ask you a straight-out question: Do you, personally, pray? Now notice that I didn’t say, ‘Do you listen when the preacher prays or when your parents pray?’ I didn’t say ‘Do you know a good Bible study on prayer?’ I didn’t even say, ‘Have you taught on prayer?’ I asked, ‘Do you, personally, pray?’ Can you look back over the last seven days and pinpoint times you deliberately set aside for prayer? Even just a solid ten or fifteen minutes of uninterrupted time with God?” (Charles R. Swindoll, Great Days with the Great Lives, p. 176) 

“ . . . Pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances...” (1 Thessalonians 5:17).  

What stories about prayer came to mind? 

Quick! Jot down a few notes now 

and work on that story in earnest in the next few days.