Beyond entertainment: Challenge your readers to “do a doggie head-tilt”

 

You want to change your readers, not just entertain them.

 

Be sure at least some of your memoir’s stories challenge your readers to think.

 

Make them question.

 

Motivate them to stretch and wrestle with issues.

 

Move them to examine their assumptions and expectations to see if they’re valid.

 

Challenge your readers to do what Mike Metzger calls “a doggie head-tilt.” To look at things differently than before. Mike says, “If your head never tilts, your mind never changes.”

 

Persuade readers to tilt their heads and look at issues from another angle. To rethink what they believe. To reevaluate—and to maybe arrive at a different conclusion than they ever have before.

 

Open their minds to other possibilities, other interpretations, or other meanings.

 

Write stories that will give readers

a holy discontent with things that are not right in their lives—

not to make them wallow in guilt,

but to offer them God-pleasing options.

James 4:8-10 comes to mind:

“Come close to God, and God will come close to you. . . .

Purify your hearts,

for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. . . .

Humble yourselves before the Lord,

and He will lift you up in honor.”

Also, see John 14:27.

 

Write stories that will give readers

a holy discontent with the ways of the world—

materialism: possessions and trinkets,

meaningless mindsets and pursuits—and instead

inspire them to live lives of God-centered

substance and purpose.

Elaborate on what Jesus meant when he said,

“You do not belong to the world,

but I have chosen you out of the world” (John 15:19).

Also, see Romans 12:2.

 

The following prayer teems with ideas for your memoir:

 

Disturb us, Lord, when

We are too well pleased with ourselves,

When our dreams have come true

Because we have dreamed too little,

When we arrive safely

Because we sailed too close to the shore.

 

Disturb us, Lord, when

With the abundance of things we possess

We have lost our thirst

For the waters of life;

Having fallen in love with life,

We have ceased to dream of eternity

And in our effort to build a new earth,

We have allowed our vision

Of the new Heaven to dim.

 

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,

To venture on wilder seas

Where storms will show Your mastery;

Where losing sight of land,

We shall find the stars.

 

We ask You to push back

The horizons of our hopes;

And to push into the future

In strength, courage, hope, and love.

Attributed to Sir Francis Drake, 1577

 

Look at the first couple of lines: “Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves.”

• What does “too well pleased with ourselves” mean to you, specifically?
• What past events come to mind?
• When were you too pleased with yourself? Or was someone else too pleased with himself?
• What were the results of that mindset?
• Why would/should we pray for God to disturb us over that attitude? What Bible verses illustrate that?
• What lessons can you share with your readers?

 

Look at the next couple of lines: “Disturb us, Lord, when . . . our dreams have come true because we have dreamed too little.”

• What does dreaming “too little” mean?
• When did you, or someone you know, dream too little?
• What was the result?
• Why should we want God to disturb our wimpy dreams?
• Tell readers the lessons you learned and how things could have been done differently. In this way, you are mentoring your readers.

 

Sift through your memories for stories that illustrate “Disturb us, Lord, when . . . we arrive safely because we sailed too close to the shore,” and when we focus on an “abundance of things.”

 

Then look at the third stanza.

• When did a different you dare more boldly and venture into wilder seas where, as a result, storms showed you God’s mastery?
• What can you write about “discovering the stars”?
• You’ll want to explain what the following means: “wider seas,” “storms,” “God’s mastery,” “losing sight of the land,” and finding “stars.”

 

Remember,

writing your memoir is not just a hobby.

It’s a ministry.

 

God can use your story to guide, inspire, encourage, influence, motivate, and empower.

 

“Sometimes a particular story, or version of a story, 

is so potent,” says Ayd Instone, 

“that it becomes so interwoven in our lives 

that it defines the direction our life story takes 

and modifies behavior. . . .”

 

In a similar way, your memoir can change your readers.

 

Challenge them to “do a doggie head-tilt.”

 

Be intentional. Make it happen.

 

Your memoir can have an outcome beyond your imagination

 

If you suspect your story isn’t worth sharing with others, this post is for you.

 

If you don’t recognize the influence your memoir can have, this post is for you.

 

If you can’t imagine how God can use your story, this post is for you.

 

Priscilla Shirer’s Bible study, Jonah, caught my attention in relation to memoirs.

 

She is certain that

in the same way other people’s stories

have encouraged and guided you

along life’s ways,

your story will do the same for others.

 

She asks us to think back to the Bible’s characters, pointing out that they

 

“may not have realized the privilege

and certainly didn’t know the eternal impact

they would make.”

 

Does that sound like your thinking, too?

 

“How could they have known

that their names would go down in God’s Word

to encourage us millennia later?”

 

Take to heart what Priscilla says here—take this personally:

 

“Like those holy heroes, you’ve got an outcome you can’t make out. . . .” and:

 

“The fog of your life’s journey will clog your spiritual sight. . . .”

 

(Let me interrupt Priscilla here. That fog she refers to—that’s a holy fog. It keeps us from navel-gazing and pride. By God’s grace, He dims our self-absorbed vision in a blessed fog.)

 

Okay, back to Priscilla and this important point of today’s blog post:

 

“In future generations, your story will be the one that encourages someone else to follow hard after God.”

 

Read that again and believe it:

 

“In future generations,

your story will be the one

that encourages someone else

to follow hard after God.”

 

Priscilla’s insights give ideas for those who write memoir:

 

First, which Bible characters have impacted your life? Abraham? Joseph? Moses? Ruth? David? Esther? Peter?

 

What about other people—just ordinary people not in the Bible: a historical figure, a grandparent, a best friend, a spouse, a professor, a colleague, a coach. . . . The list could go on and on.

 

• How did they point you to God? What did they tell you about His love for you, about His grace and mercy?
• What did they say that helped define your life’s choices and values?
• What did they do that influenced your life’s direction?

 

Craft vignettes illustrating why and how those people inspired you, guided you, and shaped you into the person you are today.

 

But don’t stop there. Don’t keep those stories to yourself. Look to the future. Pass on your stories—the blessings contained in them. Share your memoir with others, especially family members.

 

Always believe that in God’s hands, your stories are important.

 

Savor these rich words by Andrea Sanborn:

 

“In this autumn of my life, I have had to let go of the expectation that my physical body may one day may return to its youthful state. The added weight and wrinkles match my graying hair to render me on the downside of life’s trajectory.

 

“Now, like the falling leaves filling the woods around me, I hope to nourish others with the life given me; with the wisdom gained through the flourishing, green years now past.

 

“I think of the ones who sheltered and nurtured my seedling faith: the pastors and teachers, authors and leaders. I contemplate the ones who welcomed me, encouraged me, and prayed for me. The ones who parted the curtain into eternity before my hungry eyes.

 

“Now it is mine to pass on the glimpses of glory that I have witnessed to the sapling souls around me.”

 

I hope you enjoyed Andrea’s words as much as I did.

 

Let me ask: Do you see your writing as a privilege? As a calling from God? Do you believe your memoir can have an eternal impact on others? How can future generations benefit from knowing your stories?

 

Always remember:

 

God can use your experiences,

joyful and sad, good and bad,

lovely and ugly,

funny and scary,

and He can use your words about them.

 

Together with God, your stories

can help readers cling to hope,

remain strong in their faith,

live in harmony in His ways,

and to delight in His love

now and forever.

 

When you realize God can use your memoir

in people’s lives,

your writing takes on

an altogether new meaning

and urgency.

 

Write your stories.

Writing is easy—or not!

 

“Writing is easy,” wrote Mark Twain. “All you have to do is cross out the wrong words.”

 

Ha! If only it could be that easy!

 

What has been your experience with writing?

 

Some people find writing stress-free at first, but later it becomes a struggle. It can be discouraging. And even mysterious.

 

Some even wonder whether it’s worth finishing.

 

Don’t let that happen to you!

 

Mick Silva at Higher Purpose Writers offers this perspective:

 

“Every writer who’s finished

has taken the axe into the woods

and carved out their path

where there seemed to be none before.

They broke through their blocked way

swinging word after word after word.”

 

So persevere—word after word after word! Your first draft won’t be ready to publish but you’ll definitely be one step closer.

 

Most people who have finished writing their stories and placed them in others’ hands had to work to:

• learn the writing craft,
• apply what they learned,
• join good writing groups,
• revise their manuscripts,
• edit them,
• and refuse to give up, often year after year.

 

Such authors did not likely succeed because they were gifted writers. Getting that story in print was not a breeze.

 

They were always trying. Always growing, always working.

 

You can do this.

 

Envision where you want your memoir to be six months from now, 

and then twelve months from now.

 

Focus. Commit. Persevere. Be steadfast, unwavering.

 

Remember:

 

One story can change a life.

 

Who needs to read yours?

 

Personal news: I’m a great-grandmother!

 

Our oldest grandchild just gave birth to little T.T., making my husband and me great-grandparents! His birth has been a joyous event for this big family. We’re all celebrating.

 

And once again I am convinced that we—you and I—must share our stories with our families.

 

Tell me: Did you know your great-grandparents? Mine died before I was born.

 

If you never knew your great-grandparents, perhaps, like me, you have many questions—about their personalities, talents, experiences, values.

 

I’m also very curious: Am I shy like one of them? Am I afraid of something that one of them also feared? Is my dry sense of humor like theirs? Do I look like one of them, speak like one of them, think, love, or giggle like one of them? Do I instinctively treasure something one of them also treasured?

 

Maybe, like me, you wonder: If they’d have known me, would they have loved me? Would we have enjoyed each other? What activities would we have done together? What would they have taught me?

 

Did they love and serve God? If so, how did that impact the ways they chose to live?

 

What stories about themselves and their ancestors would they have told me? What adventures did they have, what challenges, what heartaches? What failures, what successes? What obstacles did they overcome?

 

And this is so important: If I had known their stories, what lessons would they have taught me?

• How would I have lived my life differently?
• Would I have avoided certain mistakes?
• Thought differently?
• Sought different goals?
• Chosen a different profession?
• Been a kinder person?
• A better spouse?
• Parented my children differently?
• Had a stronger faith and commitment to God?

There’s a reason Jesus said, “Go, tell your family everything God has done for you” (Luke 8:39). Write your stories for your kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids. It’s the most important job in the world. (Be sure to click on that link.)

 

Include humor, mystery, romance, pets, childhood escapades, teenage pranks, athletic competitions, parenthood, hard work—the list could go on and on.

 

Always examine each account, connect the dots,

and explain what God was doing through them all,

often behind the scenes.

 

If you’re about my age, you realize you might not live on this earth much longer.

 

“We will all die one day. That is one of the few things we can be sure of,” Henri Nouwen wrote.

 

“But will we die well? That is less certain,” Nouwen continued.

 

“Dying well means . . . making our lives fruitful for those we leave behind. The big question . . . is . . . ‘How can I prepare myself for my death so that my life can continue to bear fruit in the generations that will follow me?’ . . . .

 

“Dying can become our greatest gift if we prepare ourselves to die well.” (Henri Nouwen, Bread for the Journey)

 

Prepare yourself for your death

by writing your stories.

 

Teach your kids, grandkids, and great-grands about keeping a commitment, working hard, being kind and honest. 

Teach them about God.

 

Inspire them to handle tragedies with tenacity and faith.

 

Help them choose courage over fear, generosity over stinginess, integrity over cheating, compassion over meanness, thankfulness over ingratitude, and so much more.  

 

 “The world’s greatest wisdom passes through stories,” writes Kathy Edens.

 

Take in what Kathy says:

The world’s greatest wisdom

can flow through your stories!

 

Your memoir’s ultimate purpose: You are a God-designed link between generations past and future

 

Have you given thought to your memoir’s ultimate purpose?

 

Whether your answer is yes or no, here’s something to think about:

 

We learn from the Bible why God acts on behalf of His people: so that they would know Him: “Then you will know that I am the Lord your God” (Exodus 6:6-7, 1 Kings 20:13, Ezekiel 37:5-6, and Joel 2:19-27) and so that people would see Him and praise Him.

 

God does the same nowadays: He assures us of His love and faithfulness by doing things for us, sometimes in earthshaking ways, but usually in everyday ways.

 

So here you and I are, writing our stories—

about high school athletics, about being a Boy Scout,

or about falling in love, or raising babies, or teenagers,

or foster children;

about starting careers, or finding a best friend,

or climbing mountains,

or wrestling an octopus,

or serving in the military;

about going bankrupt, or having cancer,

or suddenly finding ourselves widows,

or being homeless, or orphaned,

or blind, or lost. . . .

 

And if we look deeply and examine it all and connect the dots (click on that link), we discover God was with us every second and every day, working on our behalf.

 

Oswald Chambers said it this way: “Never believe that so-called random events of life are anything less than God’s appointed order. Be ready to discover His divine designs anywhere and everywhere.” (My Utmost for His Highest)

 

Make time to search for what He has done for you—often in seemingly little, everyday ways—and never doubt that He can use your stories to help readers see Him, know Him, and praise Him.

 

It still boggles my mind—God established this ingenious plan—for us to teach our children and grandchildren what we’ve seen Him do—because He knows that both we and they will benefit if we know, love, and follow Him.

 

Take in this paraphrase of Psalm 78:2-7:

 

We will tell our children,

and the generations that come after us,

God-shaped family stories our parents and grandparents

passed down to us.

Let’s not hide them

from our children and grandchildren.

Instead, let’s tell stories of what we have seen God do—

His power and might,

and the glorious and praiseworthy things He has done—

so that we and they will praise Him.

God commanded our ancestors

to teach such things to their children

so they in turn would teach their children

down through the generations.

This is His plan to help all of us

grasp and remember His deeds and miracles

and live faithfully according to His ways.

 

With that in mind, here’s an important tip:

 

Everyone resists those who get preachy

and have a holier-than-thou attitude,

so instead of harping on do’s and don’ts,

tell stories that will help young people

discover for themselves what’s important about God.

 

Stories are powerful.

 

“A story is up to twenty-two times more memorable than facts alone,” according to Professor Jennifer Aaker of the Stanford Graduate School of Business.

 

Your story can entertain, cause readers to laugh,

or cry,

or both,

and they’ll remember your stories

longer than lectures or preaching.

Readers can take in the wisdom you learned,

avoid mistakes you have made,

and make their own good choices.

They can navigate through their own difficulties and mysteries,

make sense of their own lives,

and have a sense of direction for the future.

Your stories can soften and strengthen hearts,

pass on hope, and offer grace.

 

The following captures my vision—my prayer, my heart’s desire—for the memoir classes I teach and for this blog:

 

Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise. . . .

One generation will commend Your works to another;

they will tell of your mighty acts.

They will speak of the glorious splendor of Your majesty,

and I will meditate on Your wonderful works.

They will tell of the power of Your awesome works,

and I will proclaim Your great deeds.

They will celebrate Your abundant goodness

and joyfully sing of Your righteousness.

(Psalm 145:3-7, NIV)

 

Make a conscious decision to write your memoir as a celebration of God.

 

As George Herbert said in the quote below, consider yourself a secretary of God’s praise.

 

You? Write a memoir? What makes you think you’re so special?

 

Maybe you hear niggling, little whispers:

 

You? Write a memoir?

What makes you think you’re so special?

 

If that sounds like you, you’ll identify here with Chip MacGregor.

 

Chip sensed God wanted him to write about what He had done for him—but he felt unqualified.

 

“All I saw was a very tattered, frayed thread, broken and retied in a number of places.”

 

You know the feeling. You might be asking yourself,

 

“Who am I that I should write my stories?

I’ve made more than a few mistakes,

and besides, I’m a nobody.

I’m not a Billy Graham

or an Elizabeth Elliot.

I’m not a famous Bible teacher or author.

What could I be thinking?”

 

But Chip—bless his heart—although he was all too aware of his shortcomings, he also recognized the “tattered, frayed thread, broken and retied in a number of places” actually “wrapped around the entire story. It was the thread of redemption.”

 

Yesss! You know what I say so often here at SM 101:

 

Write your God-and-you stories

not because you are so great,

but because God is so great.

 

Chip continues, “. . . [W]hat qualifies you to tell your story is your experience of redemption.”

 

Chip and you and I can, and must, write our stories of redemption.

 

Redemption refers to the forgiveness of our sins because of God’s grace. Romans 3:23-24 acknowledges that all of us are flawed, we all have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God, and yet we are justified by His grace as a gift, a free gift of God. It’s because of His never-ending love for each of us.

Our appropriate response is: “I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember Your wonders of old. I will ponder your work, and meditate on your mighty deeds” (Psalm 77: 11-12).

 

Your job, then, is to remember, and then write about, everyday events and relationships, about babies and teenagers and grandparents, Boy Scouts and Home Ec and your most embarrassing date, best friends and bullies and bigots.

 

Write about learning to drive, or swim, or cook, or kiss. Write about funerals and weddings and heartbreak, about honesty and lies, about money and taxes, about mowing lawns and making beds and cleaning toilets.

 

Within them all, dig deep and find the threads of redemption.

 

Peel off layers one by one until you find glorious, sobbing, humbling, joy-filled, life-saving redemption.

 

Listen: The stories of famous Christians and prominent modern-day heroes of the faith are important—but not because those people are so great. Each of them admits to being deeply flawed. Their stories matter because God is so great.

 

It’s not what they did—it’s what God did.

 

Don’t miss this:

 

Chip points out that your story of redemption

is “the journey your readers want to take.

And if we can whittle down our lives

to reveal how God has brought redemption to us,

readers will be inspired to believe it may happen to them.”

 

“Show the purpose behind the pain,” he says, “and you may bring hope to many lives.”

 

That’s it! Our hearts long to inspire others to hang in there, to be assured that God is for them, He loves them, and He has His own stories of redemption for them.

 

Don’t underestimate the power of your story.

Just one memoir can change lives

—one life, or a hundred thousand lives—

maybe for eternity.

 

“. . .  God is telling the story of redemption,” writes Diana Trautwein. “And God is using us to help tell that story. He invites us right up on stage and says, ‘Partner with me. Tell my story in your vernacular, in your specific situation.”

 

Write your God-and-you stories, your stories of redemption—not because of who you are, but because of who God is.

 

Back to Basics: Do you know where you’re going with your memoir?

 

Your memoir’s ending should be its most powerful part so even while you’re writing your book’s middle parts, begin planning its ending.

 

It might seem strange to work on your conclusion before finishing the main body, but think of this:

 

“If you don’t know where you’re going,

you might not get there.”

Yogi Berra

 

You don’t want that to happen!

 

Here’s what I recommend: Throughout your writing, know approximately where you’re going and build toward that ending. Doing so will help you stay on message and more likely bring everything full circle.

 

Having said that, though, I need to warn you:

 

Many, if not most, stories can take a direction

writers might not have envisioned

at the outset.

 

Don’t worry if that happens to you.

 

After you’ve drafted the bulk of your memoir, your overall message and conclusion might be different than you originally envisioned, but that’s okay.

It’s better to focus on where you think you’ll end up,

rather than to drift, directionless.

 

Here’s a helpful perspective: You probably won’t pin down the perfected version of your ending until you’ve written all your chapters and have identified and refined the conclusions and resources you hope readers will take away from your story.

 

For now, as a general guide for you, get out a piece of paper and answer the following:

• The reason I’m writing my memoir is ________.
• What do I want readers to think as a result of reading my story?
• What do I want people to feel when they’ve finished reading it?
• How do I want them to live because they read my story?
• The most important message I want readers to take away from my memoir is _________.

Keep such points in mind while you write. Then conclude your book in a way that people will long remember it, learn from it, grow from it.

 

Memoirs are so much more than entertainment.

 

Your story matters.

Memoirs guide, influence, encourage,

inspire, motivate, and empower.

They can bring healing.

They can turn lives around.

Memoirs can even save lives.

 

“Write what should not be forgotten.” 

(Isabel Allende)

 

Back to Basics: Writing dialogue for gut-wrenching scenes

 

Recently I mentioned writers can use dialogue to convey grief, terror, or other emotional situations. Below is an example from The Letter Keeper by Charles Martin.

 

The story is about David Bishop and a priest named Bones who rescued teenage boys and girls who were abused, physically and emotionally, and forced into the sex trade. Some had been kidnapped, others of them abandoned by their parents.

 

In this scene, one night the narrator, David Bishop, and his wife Summer were awakened by their dog and noticed a young lady they’d rescued from sex trafficking, Casey, standing by their bed.

 

“I’m afraid.”

 

“Of what?”

 

“Going outside.”

 

Summer rubbed her eyes. “Why?”

 

Casey glanced out the window into darkness. “’Cause he’s still out there.”

 

. . . Her bottom lip trembled. . . . She waved her hand across the two of us. “I was wondering if. . . .”

 

Casey had one wound left to heal, and maybe I alone had the power to do so. . . . “Can we go for a walk?”

 

Casey nodded.

 

. . . The three of us shuffled . . . out into the cold . . . and into the chapel. . . . I turned to Casey. “I want to ask you a favor.”

 

She nodded above a trembling lip.

 

“One of these days, some young man is going to fall head over heels for you. . . . He’s going to have to ask someone for permission to marry you.” . . . Casey’s head tilted sideways, spilling tears out of her eyes. “And then someone is going to have to give you away.” At this, Casey sobbed and buried her face in her hands. . . .

 

I lifted her chin, knowing there is no deeper pain than that caused by the rejection or abandonment of a father or mother. . . . “Will you let us call you Daughter?”

 

Casey crumbled, hitting her knees, and fell into Summer. . . .

 

. . . “Will you let us adopt you? . . . Will you be ours? Forever?”

 

The sound coming out of Casey’s stomach had been there a long time, and I had a feeling it was the deepest of layers. . . . A beautiful cry. The sound of pain leaving and joy entering. . . .

 

As Casey melted into the floor at my feet, I began to whisper the one word she needed to hear. . . .

 

“Daughter. . . Daughter . . . Daughter. . . .”

 

When I finished, Casey lay in a fetal ball clinging to us. . . .

 

When she emptied herself, I sat her up. “Casey?”

 

. . . “Casey Bishop?”

 

She nodded.

 

“From this moment on, we take you as our own. . . . Forever.”

 

Now read the passage again and note how Charles Martin wrote:

 

• He used few words—his writing style is called “sparce”. He was concise, succinct.
• He used simple words which were, for the most part, only one- and two-syllable words. He avoided flowery and multisyllable words.
• He used no exclamation points. He didn’t need them because his word choices, sentence structure, and context conveyed the emotion and pain.
• He used almost no adverbs or adjectives (modifiers or qualifiers—sometimes called padding or fillers). When you write, use strong nouns and verbs. Rather than saying a person is “very poor,” choose one strong word, such as “destitute” or “impoverished.” Instead of writing that a person is “very worried,” choose one strong word, such as “anxious” or “frightened.” Avoid words like pretty, big, very, small, heavy, really, lovingly, speedily, haltingly.

 

Experiment with your passage to find the right balance: (1) Avoid making light of—or diluting—the seriousness of the situation, but also (2) avoid being overly dramatic. Melodrama is not a mark of good writing.

 

Finding words to write your traumatic accounts 

might be painful for you, even agonizing, 

but I urge you to pray your way through it. 

Take as long as you need.

 

Also recognize the opportunity you have

—as well as the responsibility—

to write your stories.

 

Maybe today you can’t imagine how God can use them

to bless your readers—your kids, grandkids,

great-grands, friends, and even strangers.

 

But keep reminding yourself that

you are part of a story much bigger than yourself.

Writing your memoir is more than a hobby

—it is a ministry.

You have a story no one else can tell.

Take in Erin Morgenstern's words:

“Someone needs to tell those tales. . . . 

For each and every ear it will be different, 

and it will affect them in ways 

they can never predict. 

From the mundane to the profound. 

You may tell a tale that takes up residence 

in someone's soul, 

becomes their blood and self and purpose. 

That tale will move them and drive them 

and who knows what they might do because of it, 

because of your words. 

That is your role, your gift.” 

(Erin Morganstern, The Night Circus)

 

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