Write your memoir “on the cutting edge of what’s going on in God’s heart”

 

“In Raise Up A Standard—A Challenge to Christian Writers,

Michael Phillips asks,

‘Do we want to write

the sensational or the significant?

He challenges Christian writers

‘to be on the cutting edge, not of trends,

not of what’s going on in publishing . . .

but to be on the cutting edge

of what’s going on in God’s heart. . . .

If you believe in your message,

don’t give up on it.

Don’t water it down.

Don’t sensationalize it

just to get published

or to try to make it a best-seller.

Stand firm, in integrity and truthfulness,

for what God has given you to communicate.’”

(Eureka, CA: Sunrise Books, pp. 29-31).”

 (From Marlene Bagnull’s Write His Answer:

A Bible Study for Christian Writers.)

 

I like that: In writing memoir, let’s “be on the cutting edge of what’s going on in God’s heart.”

 

After all, here at SM 101, we consider our writing to be a ministry, not a hobby. (Be sure to click on Do you think of yourself as an ordained writer?)

 

Remember what Deuteronomy 4:9 says: “Always remember what you’ve seen God do and be sure to tell your children and grandchildren.”

 

And in Luke 8:39, Jesus said, “Go, tell your family everything God has done for you.”

 

Accomplishing that, however, can be a daunting task.

 

How can any mere human do what Michael Phillips said:

to know, and then to write, on the cutting edge

of what’s going on in God’s heart?

 

Henri Nouwen tells us how to begin, how to end, and how to accomplish everything in between. He uses the word “solitude.”

 

“. .  We are usually surrounded by so much outer noise that it is hard to truly hear our God. . . . We need to learn to listen to God, who constantly speaks but whom we seldom hear.”

 

We need, he says, “a life in which there is some free inner space where we can listen to our God and follow His guidance. . . .

 

“Solitude begins with a time and a place for God,

and God alone. . . .

We need to set aside a time and space

to give God our undivided attention.

(Matthew 6:6)”

(Henry J.W. Nouwen, Making All Things New and Other Classics) 

(Also click on “Bringing Solitude Into Our Lives,

Excerpts from MAKING ALL THINGS New”.)

 

Always remember: Your story is important. God can use it to shape the lives of your children, grandchildren, great-grands, and anyone else who reads your story, including the “spiritual” children God has given you. Not all of us have children, but we all have “spiritual” children who look up to us and model their lives after ours—more than we realize.

 

You know from experience

how powerful other people’s stories can be.

Many of them inspired you,

opened new worlds,

sent you in different and better directions,

and made you who you are today.

 

Believe this:

Your story can impact your readers

in the same way.

 

While you write the rough draft of your memoir,

ask God to show you what He wants you to communicate.

 

Set aside time for listening to God for His answer.

 

Take Henri Nouwen’s advice:

Make time to spend quality time with God,

in solitude with Him.

Give Him your undivided attention.

 

And then write your stories.

 

A writer’s prayer for you

 

“Many beginning writers believe

the writing process requires great confidence

and unfaltering courage.

 

I’ve learned the writer’s journey requires

the ability to admit we’re not brave

or altogether perfect.

 

As Christian writers, we fare well

if we possess the wisdom to ask God

for the strength and discipline needed

to buckle down

and type the words He gives us.”

 

Xochitl Dixon

Lord, thanks for this new year and the fresh opportunities You offer us to write our memoirs.

 

Remind us that you’ve given each of us life and therefore you’ve given each of us a story to share with others.

 

Help us believe that writing our stories is not a hobby—it’s a ministry! You’ve told us to always remember what we’ve seen You do and to tell our children and grandchildren (Deuteronomy 4:9).

 

And Jesus said, “Go back to your family and tell them all that God has done for you” (Luke 8:39).

 

Your Word urges us to tell everyone about the amazing things You do, for You are great and most worthy of praise (1 Chronicles 16:24-25).

 

Convince us that we should not look down on small beginnings—and that You, O God, delight to see our work begin (Zechariah 4:10). Lord, give us the courage to begin.

 

Ignite a fire in our hearts to work as disciplined, intentional writers, committed to finishing our memoirs.

 

Take away our fears, Lord, and help us compose our stories with confidence, knowing You will use our efforts to point readers to You and Your love and Your goodness.

 

Motivate us to make time to reflect—to think back and ponder and examine—and to search for Your holy fingerprints, footprints, and heartprints. Enlighten us so we connect the dots and notice connections we overlooked in the past.

 

Enable us to see Your big picture, to recognize what You were doing to bring about Your best for us—often not the easiest, but the best.

 

You have entrusted our stories to us. You want us to tell others so they can see how You fought our battles alongside us, You brought healing and hope—not because of who we are, but because of who You are! Not because we are so great, but because You, God, are so great.

 

You have called us to a sacred task so inspire us, dear Lord. Help us find joy in the process of writing, of retelling our “God-and-Me” stories. Place in us a desire to learn to write well, with clarity and grace, and to persevere through rewriting and polishing and editing and publishing and marketing. Bring good people alongside us to accomplish all that.

 

Help us to embrace fulfillment and purpose and satisfaction in doing what You’ve called us to do.

 

Lord, You can do far more than anything we can request or imagine (Ephesians 3:20) so we humbly ask: Please equip us to write the stories You’ve given us. And once they’re in print, use them to accomplish Your good purposes.

 

Help us remember: All of this is not because we’re so great, but because God, You are so great!

 

Not because of who we are, but because of who You are!

 

May our memoirs and lives bring honor to You, 

our glorious God.

 

Personal news: I’m a great-grandmother!

 

Our oldest grandchild just gave birth to little T.T., making my husband and me great-grandparents! His birth has been a joyous event for this big family. We’re all celebrating.

 

And once again I am convinced that we—you and I—must share our stories with our families.

 

Tell me: Did you know your great-grandparents? Mine died before I was born.

 

If you never knew your great-grandparents, perhaps, like me, you have many questions—about their personalities, talents, experiences, values.

 

I’m also very curious: Am I shy like one of them? Am I afraid of something that one of them also feared? Is my dry sense of humor like theirs? Do I look like one of them, speak like one of them, think, love, or giggle like one of them? Do I instinctively treasure something one of them also treasured?

 

Maybe, like me, you wonder: If they’d have known me, would they have loved me? Would we have enjoyed each other? What activities would we have done together? What would they have taught me?

 

Did they love and serve God? If so, how did that impact the ways they chose to live?

 

What stories about themselves and their ancestors would they have told me? What adventures did they have, what challenges, what heartaches? What failures, what successes? What obstacles did they overcome?

 

And this is so important: If I had known their stories, what lessons would they have taught me?

• How would I have lived my life differently?
• Would I have avoided certain mistakes?
• Thought differently?
• Sought different goals?
• Chosen a different profession?
• Been a kinder person?
• A better spouse?
• Parented my children differently?
• Had a stronger faith and commitment to God?

There’s a reason Jesus said, “Go, tell your family everything God has done for you” (Luke 8:39). Write your stories for your kids, grandkids, and great-grandkids. It’s the most important job in the world. (Be sure to click on that link.)

 

Include humor, mystery, romance, pets, childhood escapades, teenage pranks, athletic competitions, parenthood, hard work—the list could go on and on.

 

Always examine each account, connect the dots,

and explain what God was doing through them all,

often behind the scenes.

 

If you’re about my age, you realize you might not live on this earth much longer.

 

“We will all die one day. That is one of the few things we can be sure of,” Henri Nouwen wrote.

 

“But will we die well? That is less certain,” Nouwen continued.

 

“Dying well means . . . making our lives fruitful for those we leave behind. The big question . . . is . . . ‘How can I prepare myself for my death so that my life can continue to bear fruit in the generations that will follow me?’ . . . .

 

“Dying can become our greatest gift if we prepare ourselves to die well.” (Henri Nouwen, Bread for the Journey)

 

Prepare yourself for your death

by writing your stories.

 

Teach your kids, grandkids, and great-grands about keeping a commitment, working hard, being kind and honest. 

Teach them about God.

 

Inspire them to handle tragedies with tenacity and faith.

 

Help them choose courage over fear, generosity over stinginess, integrity over cheating, compassion over meanness, thankfulness over ingratitude, and so much more.  

 

 “The world’s greatest wisdom passes through stories,” writes Kathy Edens.

 

Take in what Kathy says:

The world’s greatest wisdom

can flow through your stories!

 

Back to basics: What is a Memoir?

 

If you’re thinking about writing a memoir, you need to know the definition of “memoir.”

 

And if you’re already writing your story, sometimes you need to remind yourself what a memoir is. This helps focus correctly and work efficiently.

 

A memoir is so much more than spinning yarns and telling tales.

 

Since there’s some confusion about the genre of memoir, let’s pin down what it is not: Memoir is not journaling. A journal is private—for your eyes only—but you write a memoir for others to read.

 

A memoir is not an autobiography. An autobiography documents your whole life beginning with the day you were born, but a memoir focuses on one segment of your life—(1) a specific theme or (2) a time period, a slice of life.

 

You can write a memoir based on a theme—for example, the theme of working as a seamstress in Asia, or a food vender at Seattle’s T-Mobile Park, or a stepmother to six kids. 

 

Focus on only that theme, leaving out other topics—such as the fact that you might be friends with a famous movie producer, or that you worked at an animal shelter your first year after college.

 

Or you can write a memoir based on a time period. My first memoir, Grandma’s Letters from Africa, covers my first four years in Africa. My second memoir, Please, God, Don’t Make Me Go: A Foot-Dragger's Memoir, focuses on three years in South America.

 

Another person’s time period might be his teenage years, or the years following a spouse’s death, or service in the Peace Corps. We focus only on that slice of our lives and leave out other topics.

 

We include only those details that pertain to our chosen window of time or our memoir’s theme.

 

Personal reflection is a key ingredient in memoir. Remember that. Most of us need to work on understanding what reflection is because, as Richard Foster observes, “The sad truth is that many authors simply have never learned to reflect substantively on anything.”

 

So, memoirists reflect in a deliberate way:

 

You look back,

peel away layers,

excavate,

find the gems.

Dig them out in pieces if you must, 

but dig them out.

Inspect.

Examine those gems,

ponder their deeper meaning.

Spend as much time as you need 

to make sense of what you discover.

Uncover the deeper, higher, wider, richer story.

 

In the past you might have overlooked something of the utmost importance, so make time to search for those profound lessons—insights, healing, blessings—in the events of your life.

 

In the process, you might need to do a “Doggie Head Tilt,” a phrase Michael Metzger coined. “If your head never tilts,” he says, “your mind never changes.” True!

 

In the process of reflecting, answer these questions:

• What new things have I learned about myself because of the key events of my life?
• What new things did I learn about significant people in my life? About God?
• How have these discoveries made me into a different, better person?

 

Not all memoirs include a spiritual dimension.

 

But if you are writing a spiritual memoir, keep this in mind: It does not require that you have exceptional, supernatural religious stories to write about, stories that would make the evening news and get tweeted around the world. Instead, look for ways God was involved in your everyday life.

 

You don’t have to write about God in every chapter. Whether you realized it at the time or not, He was with you, busy working out His good plans for His children—and from time to time in your stories you can spell out what He was doing. And do so in a winsome way, rather than sounding holier-than-thou.

 

Jesus said,

“Go tell your family everything God has done for you”

(Luke 8:39).

 

Write your memoirs!

 

Tuesday Tidbit: We will die one day, and what will we leave behind?

 

“We will all die one day. That is one of the few things we can be sure of,” Henri Nouwen wrote.

 

“But will we die well? That is less certain,” Nouwen continued.

 

“Dying well means . . . making our lives fruitful for those we leave behind. The big question . . . is . . . ‘How can I prepare myself for my death so that my life can continue to bear fruit in the generations that will follow me?’ . . . .

 

“Dying can become our greatest gift if we prepare ourselves to die well.” (Henri Nouwen, Bread for the Journey)

 

Let’s think about what Henri said.

 

If you’re like me, you’re concerned about influences on your kids, grandkids, and great-grands—influences that lure them away from your best hopes and dreams and prayers for them. Away from God’s best for them.

 

Less-than-stellar influencers bombard young people, enticing them to live and believe in ways that could diminish them morally, spiritually, personally, mentally, and relationally.

 

Today’s kids are listening to the stories of movie stars, athletes, singers, podcasters, comedians, the press, educators, politicians, authors, friends, and paranormal characters in books and movies.

 

If you worry about the stories your kids, grandkids, and great-grands listen to, how about telling them your stories?

 

There’s a good reason the Bible is full of stories. There’s a reason Jesus told parables.

 

Never doubt the power of stories!

 

Kathy Edens writes,

“Research proves that stories and anecdotes

help people retain information better.

Forbes reported most people only remember

about 5-10% of statistics you cite.

But when you accompany your stats with a story,

the retention rate bounces up to 65-70%.”

 

Wow! Did you know that? That’s impressive. Read that again!

 

That means that if you want to teach your grandkids the importance of telling the truth, you can tell them, “It’s important to always tell the truth, and you can get yourself into tons of trouble if you lie,” but your words will probably go in one ear and out the other.

 

OR, you can tell them a story—

a story of how you, or someone you know,

learned the importance of honesty,

and the consequences of dishonesty.

 

Your stories can teach your kids, grandkids, and great-grands many important things—about keeping a commitment, being faithful, working hard, being kind.

 

Your stories can teach them to handle tragedies with tenacity and faith.

 

Your stories can help them choose courage over fear, generosity over stinginess, compassion over meanness, thankfulness over ingratitude, and so much more.  

 

 “The world’s greatest wisdom passes through stories,” writes Kathy Edens.

 

Think about what Kathy says:

The world’s greatest wisdom

can flow through your stories!

 

There’s a good reason Jesus said,

“Go tell your family everything God has done for you.”

(Luke 8:39)

 

Remember what Henri Nouwen said: We need to prepare ourselves so that after we die, our lives, experiences, and faith will continue to bear fruit for future generations.

 

“Dying can become our greatest gift if we prepare ourselves to die well.” (Henri Nouwen, Bread for the Journey)

 

That means you need to tell your stories!

 

There you have it, your Tuesday Tidbit.

  

Make ‘em cry

 

“Our best stories evoke an emotional response, touch a deep cord, and motivate action and change,” writes Peter Guber, famous storyteller.

 

Think about a time when a story—a book, a movie, a speech, a personal conversation—brought you to tears. That’s what Peter Guber is talking about: That deep emotional response.

 

Ask yourself how that changed you, that story that made you cry. If you set aside time to ponder that, you’ll probably come up with the answer.

 

Similarly, if a reader makes an emotional connection with you by reading your memoir, he will do more than keep reading. He will also become a different, better person for having read it.

 

Your job, then, as a memoirist, is to tell your story in such a way that readers get stirred up inside and respond emotionally. Your job is to make your story so impactful that it inspires action and change.

 

One way to do that is to follow Wilkie Collins’ advice: “make ‘em cry, make ‘em laugh, make ‘em wait.”

 

For the past few weeks, we’ve considered how to make readers laugh. (If you missed those posts, click here.)

 

Now we’re going to look at how to “make ‘em cry” because that, too, is important in creating a relationship between you and your readers.

 

But first, let’s acknowledge the elephant in the room: Sometimes people wonder—mainly men, I suspect—why we should include sorrows and struggles and tears in our memoirs.

 

The reasons are many: “Our sufferings and pains are not simply bothersome interruptions of our lives,” writes Henri Nouwen.

 

If Nouwen is right, then what are our suffering and pains?

 

Let’s look back. If we look back and reflect and examine, we’ll recognize that often during our hardest times, we learned our most important lessons.

 

Difficulties can get our attention when we’ve been in denial.

 

They can make us cling to God.

 

They can give us a holy discontent over things that are not right in our lives—and inspire us to change.

 

Sorrows can be the stuff of turning points and second chances.

 

They can lead to personal victories.

 

And then sharing those stories can benefit readers. When we make ourselves vulnerable and write about our hurts, readers recognize they have something in common with us.

 

That, in turn, invites them to enter into our stories and learn lessons for themselves through our experiences because:

 

“Stories can be a stand-in for life, allowing us [readers] to expand our knowledge beyond what we could reasonably squeeze into a lifetime of direct experience . . . . We can take in the stories of others . . . [and have] opportunity to try out solutions.” (Peter Guber)

 

Always remember this: God can use your story. That’s why the Bible teaches us to tell our stories:

• Go tell your family everything God has done for you (Luke 8:39).
• O God, let each generation tell its children of Your mighty acts; let them retell stories of your power (Psalm 145:4).
• Always remember what you’ve seen God do and be sure to tell your children and grandchildren (Deuteronomy 4:9).

 

Next week we’ll take a deeper look about how to “make ‘em cry,” but for now, experiment.

 

Go back in time, re-live one or more sad parts of your story and jot down thoughts and reactions and questions and fears and prayers.

 

Reconstruct your experience for readers.

 

Keep in mind you’re working on a rough draft. You can revise it later but for now, get something in writing.

 

You can do this!

 

Sharing your stories with your family: The most important job in the world

Do you worry about influences on your kids, grandkids, and great-grands?—influences that lure them away from your best hopes and dreams and prayers for them?

Less-than-stellar influencers bombard today’s young people, enticing them to live and believe in ways that could diminish them morally, spiritually, personally, mentally, and relationally.

Today’s kids are listening to the stories of movie stars, athletes, singers, podcasters, comedians, the press, educators, politicians, authors, friends, and paranormal characters in books and movies.

If you worry about the stories your kids, grandkids, and great-grands listen to, how about telling them your stories?

There’s a good reason the Bible is full of stories. There’s a reason Jesus told parables.

Never doubt the power of stories!

Kathy Edens writes,

“Research proves that stories and anecdotes

help people retain information better.

Forbes reported most people only remember

about 5-10% of statistics you cite.

But when you accompany your stats with a story,

the retention rate bounces up to 65-70%.”

Wow! Did you know that? That’s impressive. Read that again!

For example, if you want to teach your grandkids the importance of telling the truth, you can tell them, “It’s important to always tell the truth, and you can get yourself into tons of trouble if you lie,” but your words will probably go in one ear and out the other.

OR, you can tell them a story—a story of how you, or someone you know, learned the importance of honesty, and the consequences of dishonesty.

Your stories can teach your kids, grandkids, and great-grands many important things—about keeping a commitment, being faithful, working hard, being kind.

Your stories can teach them to handle tragedies with tenacity and faith.

Your stories can help them choose courage over fear, generosity over stinginess, compassion over meanness, thankfulness over ingratitude, and so much more.   

 “The world’s greatest wisdom passes through stories,” writes Kathy Edens.

Think about this:

The world’s greatest wisdom

can flow through your stories!

If you’re still not convinced of your stories’ importance, here’s something else for you. It’s staggering, really.

In fact, this is a big deal.

In his New York Times article, “The Stories that Bind Us,” Bruce Feiler explores, from a secular perspective, what makes families healthy, resilient, happy, and functional.

He writes that Dr. Sara Duke, a psychologist working with children, discovered that while all families have struggles, “The [kids] who know a lot about their families tend to do better when they face challenges,” she says.

Fascinated with Dr. Sara’s findings, her husband, Marshall, also a psychologist, and his colleague, Robyn Fuvish, did their own research on how much individual kids knew stories of their family’s history and its members—parents and grandparents, for example—and how much they knew of their family’s struggles as well as its triumphs.

They came to what Feiler calls “an overwhelming conclusion: The more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their own lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned.”

Shortly after that research, the United States experienced the attack on September 11, 2001, and Dr. Duke and his team checked again on the children they’d studied. None was directly impacted by the terrorist attack yet each one, like the rest of us, still suffered trauma. Nevertheless, “Once again . . .” Dr. Duke found, “the ones who knew more about their families proved to be more resilient, meaning they could moderate the effects of stress.”

Don’t miss the rest of Feiler’s article, “The Stories that Bind Us.” You’ll find that youngsters who felt the most connected to their families—through stories of both ups and downs, and of their determination to survive and thrive—were the kids who could handle challenges and overcome obstacles in healthy ways.

There’s a good reason Jesus said,

“Go tell your family everything God has done for you.”

(Luke 8:39)

That means you need to tell your stories!

And this is important: Avoid writing stories that are dry. Or dreary. Or preachy—avoid a “holier-than-thou” attitude.

DO write stories that include humor, adventure, mystery, romance, pets, childhood escapades, teenage pranks, athletic competitions, parenthood, hard work—the list could go on and on.

“We are storytellers,” writes Carolina Hinojosa-Cisneros. “With the help of God, it is up to us to steward our calling and steward it well.”

Think about this:

What stories have been entrusted to you?

And perhaps even more important:

Who has God entrusted to you?

And are you stewarding them—caring for them—

to the very best of your ability?

“. . . Everyone needs writers—

every child, every woman, every man—

to bring out these hidden truths

that lie dormant in us and help them

live what truly matters in life.

Writers have all got to work hard

at this occupation—

for the glory of people

and our most cherished beliefs and ideas.

To fight to ignore all the distractions

and take the time to share our stories

and unpack their meaning and messages. . . .

It’s the most important job in the world.”

Mick Silva

Be good stewards of your experiences and stories.

Do what Jesus said: Go tell your family all God has done for you.

Your stories could be life-changing for those who read them.