On authoring change: Listening and looking at your life candidly, searchingly, and feelingly

 

What kind of difference could you make, or do you want to make, or need to make, with the time you have left on this earth?

 

Here’s another question for you:

 

“ . . . How do you turn your dream of making a positive and meaningful difference in the world into a reality?”

 

Nina Amir asks the question and then she answers it for you: “You author change.

 

“You write and publish a book that inspires positive action or change. . . .”

 

Here’s another question for you:

 

“Can we listen to ourselves in the silence? Can we sit and wait for the whispers of our souls to come creeping, slowly, falteringly, letter by letter through our pens? Can we allow our truest selves to tell their stories through the gateway of broken language . . . ? Catch it before it is gone, capture it in a jumble of letters. . . .” Edith Ó Nualláin

 

Always remember: Your story is part of God’s much larger story.

 

Jesus said, “Go tell your family everything God has done for you” (Luke 8:39). That means writing a memoir is a holy work, a ministry.

 

As a memoirist, you have the privilege of working with sacred stories—stories that are for the most part stories of everyday events and ordinary people. It’s a holy calling to tell the next generations about God’s involvement in their lives and their families’ lives (see Psalm 145:4 and Deuteronomy 4:9).

 

“The writers who get my personal award are the ones who show exceptional promise of looking at their lives in this world as candidly and searchingly and feelingly as they know how,” writes Frederick Buechner, “and then of telling the rest of us what they have found there most worth finding. We need the eyes of writers like that to see through. We need the blood of writers like that in our veins.”  

 

What have you found that’s most worth finding?

 

Write it in your memoir before it’s too late. “Catch it before it is gone.”

 

“The world needs change agents,” says Nina Amir. “It’s your time to make a positive and meaningful impact with your words.”

 

Your words, your stories—your memoir—could do that. It’s your time, Nina says.

 

It’s your time!

 

Make ‘em cry

 

“Our best stories evoke an emotional response, touch a deep cord, and motivate action and change,” writes Peter Guber, famous storyteller.

 

Think about a time when a story—a book, a movie, a speech, a personal conversation—brought you to tears. That’s what Peter Guber is talking about: That deep emotional response.

 

Ask yourself how that changed you, that story that made you cry. If you set aside time to ponder that, you’ll probably come up with the answer.

 

Similarly, if a reader makes an emotional connection with you by reading your memoir, he will do more than keep reading. He will also become a different, better person for having read it.

 

Your job, then, as a memoirist, is to tell your story in such a way that readers get stirred up inside and respond emotionally. Your job is to make your story so impactful that it inspires action and change.

 

One way to do that is to follow Wilkie Collins’ advice: “make ‘em cry, make ‘em laugh, make ‘em wait.”

 

For the past few weeks, we’ve considered how to make readers laugh. (If you missed those posts, click here.)

 

Now we’re going to look at how to “make ‘em cry” because that, too, is important in creating a relationship between you and your readers.

 

But first, let’s acknowledge the elephant in the room: Sometimes people wonder—mainly men, I suspect—why we should include sorrows and struggles and tears in our memoirs.

 

The reasons are many: “Our sufferings and pains are not simply bothersome interruptions of our lives,” writes Henri Nouwen.

 

If Nouwen is right, then what are our suffering and pains?

 

Let’s look back. If we look back and reflect and examine, we’ll recognize that often during our hardest times, we learned our most important lessons.

 

Difficulties can get our attention when we’ve been in denial.

 

They can make us cling to God.

 

They can give us a holy discontent over things that are not right in our lives—and inspire us to change.

 

Sorrows can be the stuff of turning points and second chances.

 

They can lead to personal victories.

 

And then sharing those stories can benefit readers. When we make ourselves vulnerable and write about our hurts, readers recognize they have something in common with us.

 

That, in turn, invites them to enter into our stories and learn lessons for themselves through our experiences because:

 

“Stories can be a stand-in for life, allowing us [readers] to expand our knowledge beyond what we could reasonably squeeze into a lifetime of direct experience . . . . We can take in the stories of others . . . [and have] opportunity to try out solutions.” (Peter Guber)

 

Always remember this: God can use your story. That’s why the Bible teaches us to tell our stories:

• Go tell your family everything God has done for you (Luke 8:39).
• O God, let each generation tell its children of Your mighty acts; let them retell stories of your power (Psalm 145:4).
• Always remember what you’ve seen God do and be sure to tell your children and grandchildren (Deuteronomy 4:9).

 

Next week we’ll take a deeper look about how to “make ‘em cry,” but for now, experiment.

 

Go back in time, re-live one or more sad parts of your story and jot down thoughts and reactions and questions and fears and prayers.

 

Reconstruct your experience for readers.

 

Keep in mind you’re working on a rough draft. You can revise it later but for now, get something in writing.

 

You can do this!

 

For you: Marty Duane’s “The Writer’s Prayer”

Many things will distract you from writing your memoir, and they might even be good things. For example, I just attended a women’s retreat and it was refreshing and inspiring. I also stocked up on groceries, went to church, monitored coronavirus cases,  emailed friends, spent a few hours with my granddaughter, texted my kids, watched a Hallmark movie, and carried out the inevitable cooking, dishwashing, cleaning, and laundry.

All good things. But I didn’t do much writing.

When life gets busy, busy, busy, let’s remember: Writing a memoir is a ministry. Like the Psalmist said, “O God, let each generation tell its children of Your mighty acts; let them retell stories of your power” (Psalm 145:4). (See also Deuteronomy 4:9 and Luke 8:39.)

Your stories can shape the lives—including the spiritual lives—of your children, grandchildren, great-grands, nieces, nephews, cousins, friends, colleagues, and even people you’ll never meet. Therefore, focus, exercise self-discipline, and manage your time well. Figure out priorities. Maybe for a while writing can’t be a priority, and that’s okay.

But because writing your memoir is a ministry, make it a prayer priority.

“Make prayer your first writing assignment every day,” Bob Hostetler says.

Lloyd John Ogilvie acknowledged that in his ministry he faced “soul-sized issues,” so he prayed:

“Sovereign Father. . . . You have given me . . .

an imagination able to envision Your plan

and purpose for me,

and a will ready to do Your will.

. . . I know You will go before me to show me the way,

behind me to press forward,

beside me to give me courage,

above me to protect me,

and within me to give me wisdom and discernment.”

(Quiet Moments with God, Lloyd John Ogilvie)

Your family has soul-sized issues today, and as new generations join your family, they, too, will encounter soul-sized issues. God has a plan and purpose for you, a role to play in your family.

As you carry out that plan, God will go before you, behind you, beside you, above you, and within you. You can count on Him!

You probably have no idea just how much God can use your stories to impact soul-sized issues in the lives of those around you, so today I share with you Marty Duane’s “The Writer’s Prayer,” a humble prayer for himself and for all writers:

Dear Author,

Today, the words I use, let them be Your words.

Words of Hope, of Love, of Faith.

Allow me, with trembling hands, to be Your voice. . . .

Let me never forget, the words I write today

May change the life of one, maybe two.

But as the Psalmist says, I bring You all my sheaves,

They may not be many, but they are Yours. . . .

You gave to me

this small talent of writing,

and it is through this talent

You have given my heart a voice. . . .”

(Click here to continue reading “The Writer’s Prayer”)

Take delight in what God has put on your heart.

Recognize He has given your heart a voice.

Focus. Be single-minded. Pray. Write.

Tuesday Tidbit: Your stories can shape your family’s history

The Bible urges us to tell our children and grandchildren our stories—because God knows how influential stories can be. Just look at the way He uses stories in the Bible—it’s full of stories. Why? Because they are so powerful!

Stories sculpt us,

define us,

enlarge our hearts,

save us,

and help us figure out why we were born. 

Your stories are important, perhaps more than you realize.

We all know stories have shaped history. And your stories can shape the history of your family, one person at a time.

Your stories can offer inspiration,

encourage peace and joy and hope,

demonstrate courage and integrity,

introduce readers to God’s love,

and strengthen their faith.

Your kids and grandkids and great-grandkids need to know your stories—stories of success and struggle, even failure. Your stories can help others learn from your hard lessons.

Bruce Feiler writes:

“…Dr. Duke said that

children who have the most self-confidence

have…a strong ‘intergenerational self.’

They know they belong to

something bigger than themselves….

The bottom line:

if you want a happier family,

create, refine and retell the story

of your family’s positive moments

and your ability to bounce back

from the difficult ones.

That act alone may increase the odds

that your family will thrive

for many generations to come.”

(emphasis mine; 

click on The stories that bind us

to read the whole article.)

Write your stories!

A memoir is so much more than spinning yarns and passing on tales

Often when people hear the word “memoir,” they don’t know exactly what a memoir is.

At a sign-up for one of my memoir classes, one woman said, “A memoir class! Good—I love journaling!”

But memoir is not journaling. A journal is private—for your eyes only—but you write a memoir for others to read.

A memoir is not an autobiography. An autobiography documents your whole life beginning with the day you were born, but a memoir focuses on one segment of your life—a specific theme or time period, a slice of life.

Let’s look at that more closely:

You can write a memoir based on a theme—for example, the theme of working as a missionary pilot, or an emergency room nurse, or the mother of quintuplets.  You focus on only that theme, leaving out other topics—such as the fact that you directed an award-winning movie or served as mayor of your town. (Those topics could be the stuff of another memoir.)

Or a person can write a memoir based on a time period. My memoir, Grandma’s Letters from Africa, covers a time period—my first four years in Africa. Your time period might be grad school, your years in the Marines, or as a mother of toddlers. You focus only on that slice of your life and leave out other topics—such as an experience you had in middle school or a camping trip with the Boy Scouts.

Include only those details that pertain to your chosen window of time or your memoir’s theme.

Writing is so much more than just telling stories,

spinning yarns,

and passing on tales from the past:

Reflecting, examining, unraveling,

pondering, and musing

are requirements for writing a memoir—

as are untangling, mulling over, sifting through,

analyzing, and sorting out.

Here at SM 101, our memoirs are based on Deuteronomy 4:9, “Always remember what you’ve seen God do for you, and be sure to tell your children and grandchildren!”

With that purpose in mind, ask yourself what God was doing as you see it now, in retrospect. 

Think about turning points, 

defining moments, 

key people, 

disappointments, 

successes, 

failures, 

surprises, 

setbacks, 

achievements, 

detours, 

honors, 

and victories.

Look back on a time God or someone significant 

shook you to your core, 

melted your heart, 

knocked you to your knees, 

changed your mind, 

took your breath away, 

stretched you to the breaking point, 

revised your goals, 

opened your eyes, 

made you cry buckets of tears, 

gave you new perspectives.

Look for deeper lessons and meanings God had for you in the events of your life. (Writing a spiritual memoir does not require that you have supernatural, astonishing stories that would make the evening news and get tweeted around the world.)

Peel back the layers: What did you learn about yourself? How did the experience change your life? What new person did you become?

What patterns in your faith did you discover that you hadn’t noticed before?

What did you learn about God? Do you now have a better understanding of His purpose for your life? How did your experience strengthen your faith for future challenges?

Dig deeply to discover what God has done for you, in you, through you—every day, every step of the way, through the best of times and the worst of times.

Your life’s story is much deeper and higher and wider than the story that’s on the surface. Probing and questioning and reflecting and unraveling will help you discover significance you probably missed earlier—and discovering that can be life-changing for you as well as for your readers.

Jesus said, “Go tell your family everything God has done for you” (Luke 8:39). That means writing a memoir is a holy work. It is a ministry.

Your job is to notice God in the midst of your gatherings and activities and responsibilities and relationships and homes.

As a memoirist, you have the privilege of working with sacred stories—stories which are for the most part stories of day by day events and average people—but nevertheless it’s a holy calling to tell the next generations about God’s involvement in their lives and their families’ lives (Psalm 145:4).

Such stories need not be dry and boring.

They can and should include charm

and humor and adventure and intrigue.

Write stories that are winsome and fascinating to read.

Related posts:

“Look where you have not had the heart to look before”

“Questions we have to ask ourselves…as we write”  

“Who is your Mr. Romero?”   

Tuesday Tidbit: Tell somebody!

Here's your 15 seconds of inspiration,

your Tuesday Tidbit:

"Don't miss the surprises in life.

Pay attention to the little things God does...

especially those for which you've never asked.

Then thank Him

and tell somebody what He's done."

Luci Swindoll

(emphasis mine)

What are you doing with the time you have left?

How are we using the waking hours of our days?

Are we spending time doing something that will last longer than just a few months or years?

Are we investing our hours and talents in something that can outlive us?

Some people drift through life—

without pondering deep questions, 

without wondering about life’s purposes.

It’s easy to get caught up in the here and now: getting to work on time, paying bills, putting money in savings, keeping up with housework and yard work, following our favorite sports teams, and exercising.

And we must do grocery shopping, laundry, meal prep, dishes, and car maintenance.

And we make efforts to raise good kids, and we drive them to soccer games and baseball practices, and maybe we even help coach those teams.

Some of us take Bible studies and volunteer at church and in the community.

And we keep up with friends—Facebook, texting, email, hanging out.

Now, those are good and important things, but living life well is so much more.

Deep down we really want to make a difference. We want to be a blessing, to make a lasting impact that leaves our corner of the world a better place for our family and friends.

We can do that only if we are intentional. And committed. And tenacious.

We must take seriously what Jesus said: “Go back to your family and tell them everything God has done for you” (Luke 8:39).

The Old Testament tells us, “Let each generation tell its children of [God’s] mighty acts; let them proclaim [His] power” (Psalm 145:4).

And of course there’s our theme verse here at SM 101, “Always remember what you’ve seen God do for you and be sure to tell your children and grandchildren!” (Deuteronomy 4:9).

You don’t know how much longer you’ll have to write your stories. I don’t know how much longer I’ll have.

Writing stories for families should be on everyone’s bucket list.

We must to give priority to writing our stories because when we do, we’re investing in the eternal for the sake of our families. There’s no better way to spend our time!

Tony Evans says,

“When you invest your time, talent,

and treasure in the eternal,

your investments have a Divine return.”

That’s our goal—that Divine return. We might not live long enough to see the goal fulfilled, but it’s a worthy goal nevertheless: writing a memoir that will have a Divine return in our family members’ lives.

Love the Lord your God with all

your heart

and your soul

and your strength.

Commit wholeheartedly to

these commands that I give you today.

Impress them upon your children.

Talk about them when you’re at home

and when you’re traveling,

when you’re lying down and when you’re getting up.

Tie them as reminders on your hands

and bind them to your foreheads.

Write them on the doorframes of your houses

and on your gates—so that

you and your children may flourish.

Deuteronomy 6:5-9, Deuteronomy 11:18-20

You are part of a story much bigger than yourself, and God has entrusted you with stories only you can write.

Don’t drift through life.

Writing your memoir will require you to ponder deep questions,

examine God and His Word,

connect the holy dots in your life,

grapple with God’s purposes for your life,

and recognize, maybe for the first time, just how involved God has been—sometimes in miraculous ways, but mostly in everyday ways.

Your stories are important.

Writing your memoir, and what you uncover in the process, will be among the richest experiences of your life. It can fortify your faith. Writing your memoir is one way to honor God and it will shower blessings upon your readers. It’s a win-win situation!

Brooke Warner observed that “… before a memoir can become a memoir, it’s a seed of an idea—planted into the writer who is available and ready.”

Are you available? Are you ready?

Write your stories!

Each generation

Some mindboggling events have happened in the past few months.

(You can read the newest blog post about this here: 
Sometimes God changes the desires of our heart.)

Because of these changes,

 my next few blog posts will be brief but, I hope,

meaningful to you personally as well as in writing your memoir.

(This is a scene from Port Angeles, Washington, a place we called home for 14 years.)