YOUR WORST CHRISTMAS

 

We’re going to take a mini-break from our Back to Basics for newcomers and instead, we’ll discuss CHRISTMAS! But with a twist. . . .

 

Maybe you recall a Christmas that was simply awful—a time you were heartbroken, or homeless, or broke, or far from home, or jilted, or frightened, or sick—and your future looked bleak.

 

You remember it as the worst Christmas ever.

 

But I invite you to think again.

 

Writing a memoir can be such a blessed project. Memoir requires taking long, deep looks at the past. Memoir involves pondering, rethinking, unearthing, and finding gems we might not have known were there.

 

Sometimes what seems to be our biggest disaster

can turn out to be a blessing—

one we couldn’t have received without the difficulty.

 

Sometimes we think a calamity will destroy us, but God works in the midst of our situations and, in the way only He can do it, He turns everything inside out and upside down and—instead of destroying us—it makes us stronger and better.

 

Failures. Tangled messes. Catastrophes. Tragedies. Conflicts. Blows. Adversity. Upheavals. Disasters. Setbacks. Unwelcome surprises.

 

God can use our deep disappointments to

• get our attention,
• shake us up a little,
• clear our heads,
• help us see we were putting our hope in something we shouldn’t,
• open new doors for us,
• give us new perspectives,
• tenderize our souls,
• give us fresh starts.

 

God can do all that.

 

That’s what Romans 8:28 is about:  “God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purposes for them” (NLT).

 

A long, long time ago, H.C. Trumbull told this story:

 

“The floods washed away home and mill, all the poor man had in the world. But as he stood on the scene of his loss, after the water had subsided, brokenhearted and discouraged, he saw something shining in the bank which the waters had washed bare. ‘It looks like gold,’ he said. It was gold. The flood which had beggared him made him rich. So it is ofttimes in life.” (Quoted by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman, Streams in the Desert, January 20 selection.)

 

When turn-arounds and relief and solutions

eventually come our way, it’s so easy to snatch them,

run with them, and never look back.

 

We too easily fail to recognize God’s intervention

on our behalf, and we pay too little attention

to the good He has brought to us

out of our hardships.

 

Take time—make time—to dig through the dirt and ashes

of what you thought was your most disastrous Christmas,

and mine those bits of gold.

 

Search for evidence of God’s healing, new directions He offered you, new friends, and new hope.

 

Pinpoint the ways He strengthened your faith for the future.

 

Recognize these were all part of God’s unique plan for you and your life.

 

Gather those discoveries 

and write stories in your memoir 

that detail the ways God was with you 

n the midst of your worst Christmas ever.

 

Write stories about the way He took a disaster and turned it into something good—blessings you couldn’t have received without that difficulty. Instead of destroying you, it made you stronger and better.

 

If you’ll make time to do that, you can receive heaps of blessings.

 

But it doesn’t end there. Your readers can benefit, too.

 

Take in what Jeff Goins said,

 

“At times, you will hold the keys to another’s prison. . . . 

when you write from the heart, 

your pain will become someone else’s healing balm.”

 

Key women: What differences have they made in your life?

In honor of Women’s History Month (whether you’re a man or a woman), let’s think about those women who have gone before us, lighting the way, setting our hearts afire, showing us how to live and love and make a difference—Mother Teresa, Erma Bombeck, Rosa Parks, Elisabeth Elliot, Harriet Beecher Stowe, Esther (of the Old Testament), Helen Keller, Anne Frank, Eleanor Roosevelt, Malala Yousafzai, and so many others.

They might not have been prominent or famous—women like your mother, sister, professor, babysitter, choir director, doctor, neighbor, colleague, best friend, employee, caregiver, pastor, or maybe even a stranger—those who were the role models, visionaries, trailblazers, inspiration-givers, change-makers, and hope-creators.

Pause and think about the way God brought them into your life. Spend a minute thanking Him!

And, you know me—you know what I’m going to say next! You could write an entire memoir based on the women who shaped you, taught you, nurtured you.

With that in mind, here are a few quotes to get your memories and ideas buzzing:

“A woman is like a tea bag—you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.” (Eleanor Roosevelt)

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.’” (Erma Bombeck)

“If you don’t speak up now to help right wrongs, someone else will—but you and your family won’t survive. Who knows? Maybe you are in your position for just such a time as this.” (Esther 4:14-15, paraphrased)

“‘There, it does seem so pleasant to talk with an old acquaintance that knows what you know. . . . Conversation’s got to have some root in the past, or else you’ve got to explain every remark you make, and it wears a person out.’ Mrs. Todd gave a funny little laugh. ‘Yes’m, old friends is always best, ’less you can catch a new one that’s fit to make an old one out of,’ she said.” (Sarah Orne Jewett, The Country of the Pointed Firs)

“The will of God is never exactly what you expect it to be. It may seem to be much worse, but in the end it’s going to be a lot better and a lot bigger.” (Elisabeth Elliot)

“Let us pick up our books and pens. They are our most powerful weapons. One child, one teacher, one book, and one pen can change the world.”  (Malala Yousafzai)

“Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.” (Erma Bombeck)

“All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” (Abraham Lincoln)

“I believe a strong woman may be stronger than a man, particularly if she happens to have love in her heart. I guess a loving woman is indestructible.” (John Steinbeck, East of Eden)

“You must never be fearful about what you are doing when it is right.” (Rosa Parks)

“A strong woman looks a challenge in the eye and gives it a wink.” (Gina Carey)

“I remember my mother’s prayers and they have always followed me. They have clung to me all my life.” (Abraham Lincoln)

“I don’t know exactly what’s next but I’m stepping forward with grit anchored in grace.” (Julie Graham)

“If your goal is purity of heart, be prepared to be thought very odd.” (Elisabeth Elliot)

“It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness.” (Eleanor Roosevelt)

“A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.” (Max Lucado)

“The fact that I’m a woman doesn’t make me a different kind of Christian, but the fact that I’m a Christian does make me a different kind of woman.” (Elisabeth Elliot)

“She is clothed with strength and dignity.” (Proverbs 31:25a, NIV)

“She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.” (Proverbs 31:26, NIV)

“Blessed is she who believes that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished.” (Luke 1:45, NIV)

“…wherever the Good News is preached in all the world, what this woman has done will be told, and people will remember her.” (Mark 14:9, NCV)

“How blessed . . . the woman you instruct in your Word, providing a circle of quiet within the clamor of evil.” (Psalm 94:12, The Message).

“God proves to be good . . . to the woman who diligently seeks. It’s a good thing to quietly hope for help from God.” (Lamentations 3:25-26, The Message)

Did several women come to mind when you read those quotes? I hope so!

The most instrumental women in my life were my mother, grandmother, mother-in-law, and aunts.

Elizabeth, the Kenyan lady who worked with us during our eight years in Africa, was and still is a major role model. (You can read about her in my memoir, Grandma’s Letters from Africa.)

Amy Carmichael, too, influenced me through her devotional, Edges of His Ways, as did Mrs. Charles E. Cowman and her devotional, Streams in the Desert.

Recently I was talking with my husband about my best friend in high school, Cindy, who, in her soft-spoken way, changed the trajectory of my life. Without even realizing it, with one short question she changed the way I studied and took tests. On another occasion, she modeled how to stand up to peer pressure. Many decades later, her examples still inspire me.

Who are or were the noteworthy women in your life?

What stories can you write about them?

Choose two or three and get started writing vignettes.

Soon, give serious thought to writing even more such stories

and compiling them into a memoir.

Just think:

Your stories could have a far-reaching—

maybe even life-changing—

impact on your readers.

To paraphrase Mother Teresa,

your memoir might not change vast numbers around the world,

but it could be like a stone cast into the water—

it could create many ripples.

And who knows how far those ripples might reach?

Your memoir could be someone’s much-needed

“word spoken at the right moment” (Proverbs 15:23).

(If you missed Tuesday’s post, click on that link.)

Tuesday Tidbit: Your suffering and ashes—and gold and pearls

Consider including a story in your memoir about suffering through something horrific, only to find a good outcome.

Think back to a time you experienced the weight Richter wrote of, a burden that threatened to undo you—but in the end, it led you to “pearls.”

Job knew about such suffering. He wrote that God “knows where I am going. And when he tests me, I will come out as pure as gold” (Job 23:10 NLT). 

A long time ago, in Streams in the Desert, Mrs. Charles E. Cowman said of that verse, “When the fire is hottest, hold still, for there will be a blessed ‘afterward;’ and with Job we may be able to say, ‘. . . I shall come forth as gold.’”

She also says “It takes eleven tons of pressure on a piano to tune it. God will tune you to harmonize with Heaven’s key-note if you stand the strain.”   

And God said, “I will give them a crown [of beauty] to replace their ashes, and the oil of gladness to replace their sorrow, and clothes of praise to replace their spirit of sadness” (Isaiah 61:3, NCV).

What experiences come to mind when you read these verses?

Someone needs to know your story.

Someone needs to learn how you endured

and found that blessed afterward.

Someone needs to know specifics

about how you came to possess

your gold and pearls, beauty, gladness, and praise.

Write your stories!

There you have it, your Tuesday Tidbit.

Your Worst Christmas

Maybe you recall a Christmas that was simply awful—a time you were heartbroken, or homeless, or broke, or far from home, or jilted, or frightened, or sick—and your future looked bleak.

You remember it as the worst Christmas ever.

But I invite you to think again.

Writing a memoir can be such a blessed project. Memoir requires taking long, deep looks at the past. Memoir involves pondering, re-thinking, unearthing, and finding gems we might not have known were there.

Sometimes what seems to be our biggest disaster

turns out to be a blessing—

one we couldn’t have received without the difficulty.

Sometimes we think a calamity will destroy us, but God works in the midst of our situations and, in the way only He can do it, He turns everything inside out and upside down and—instead of destroying us—it makes us stronger and better.

Failures. Tangled messes. Catastrophes, Tragedies. Conflicts. Blows. Adversity. Upheavals. Disasters. Setbacks. Unwelcome surprises.

God can use our deep disappointments to get our attention,

shake us up a little,

clear our heads,

help us see we were putting our hope in something we shouldn’t,

open new doors for us,

give us new perspectives,

tenderize our souls,

give us fresh starts.

God can do all that.

That’s what Romans 8:28 is about:  “…God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purposes for them.”  (NLT)

A long time ago, H.C. Trumbull told this story:

“The floods washed away home and mill, all the poor man had in the world. But as he stood on the scene of his loss, after the water had subsided, brokenhearted and discouraged, he saw something shining in the bank which the waters had washed bare. ‘It looks like gold,’ he said. It was gold. The flood which had beggared him made him rich. So it is ofttimes in life.” (Quoted by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman, Streams in the Desert, January 20 selection.)

When turnarounds and relief and solutions eventually come our way, it’s so easy to snatch them, run with them, and never look back. We too easily fail to recognize God’s intervention on our behalf, and we pay too little attention to the good He has brought to us out of the midst of our hardships.

Take time—make time—to dig through the dirt and ashes of what you thought was your most disastrous Christmas, and mine those bits of gold.

Search for evidence of God’s healing, new directions He offered you, new friends, and new hope.

Pinpoint the ways He strengthened your faith for the future.

Recognize these were all part of God’s unique plan for you and your life.

Gather those discoveries and write stories in your memoir that detail the ways God was with you in the midst of your worst Christmas ever.

Write stories about the way He took a disaster and turned it into something good—blessings you couldn’t have received without that difficulty. Instead of destroying you, it made you stronger and better.

If you’ll make time to do that, you can receive heaps of blessings.

But it doesn’t end there. Your readers can benefit, too.

Like Jeff Goins said:

“Don’t Waste Your Trials,” a new way to look at our hurts

Heartaches and trials and hurts and tragedies: You and I experience them, and when we do, “we focus on why they happen and how,” son-in-law Brian said in his Sunday sermon, “and we want to solve them.”

True.

But Brian really caught my attention when he pointed out, gently, that in times of calamity, we become self-centered.

When the doctor says we have a terminal disease,

            when someone tries to destroy our reputation,

                        when we’re reeling in pain,

when we face financial ruin,

            when a loved one dies,

                        when the house burns down,

                                    when we’re wrongly accused,

we become self-centered, Brian said. Self-centered. And he’s right. His words made me think back to my past hardships and, sure enough, I became self-absorbed in seeking an end to my pain and a path back to normalcy.

Brian continued with compassionate words, with humble words full of grace: “We have wrong expectations if we think life shouldn’t have trials. When they happen, avoid self-centeredness.”

Instead, he said, think of this: “God might be doing something bigger than you.” Does that grab you like it did me?

Brian urged us to use our tragedies for good by looking to others.

“Don’t waste your trials,” he said. “God might allow something hard so you can encourage others.

“Use your problems as an opportunity,” Brian said—an opportunity, he said!—to encourage others as they endure their own difficulties:

Your life, your experiences,

and your stories

can serve as another set of eyes

for others

struggling through their own trials.

You can help them

negotiate through the dark

and find the light.

In the midst of heartbreak, when life sends us on a bumpy detour into the wilderness, let’s focus on trusting that God has good plans for each of us. He loves us and doesn’t forsake us. Even when we can’t sense it, “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28, NIV).

Let’s watch for the ways God takes bad things and works them out for good. Sometimes it takes years, even decades, to detect how He’s been working, often quietly—even silently—out of sight. But He’s been working nevertheless, and it’s our job to take time and make the effort to look back, connect the dots, and put all the puzzle pieces together.

And then let’s write our stories 

and share them with others. 

Our stories can’t help anyone unless we share them.

“Life is a steep climb,” wrote Mrs. Charles E. Cowman about a century ago,“… and it does the heart good to have somebody ‘call back’ and cheerily beckon us up the high hill.” (By call back Mrs. Cowman means cupping your hands around your mouth and hollering, as opposed to returning a phone call.)

“We are all climbers together, and we must help one another,” Mrs. Cowman wrote. “This mountain climbing is serious business, but glorious. It takes strength and a steady step to find the summits.… If anyone among us has found anything worthwhile, we ought to ‘call back.’” (From Mrs. Charles E. Cowman’s Streams in the Desert; emphasis mine)

That’s what memoir is all about: Those who have found something worthwhile—that’s all of us, isn’t it?—ought to share it with others.

Think of the times someone else’s story:

• turned your life in a new direction,
• convinced you to keep a promise,
• gave you hope,
• kept you from making a big mistake,
• inspired you to take a leap of faith,
• taught you how to love,
• helped you forgive,
• gave you courage to stand against evil,  
• solved a mystery,
• showed you how to give a soft answer,
• helped you make a hard decision,
• inspired a new goal.

Those are the people who “called back” to you.

Now it’s your turn

to “call back” to others.

Write—and share—your story.

Your worst Christmas

Maybe you recall a Christmas that was simply awful—a time you were heartbroken, or homeless, or broke, or far from home, or jilted, or frightened, or sick—a time of anguish and sorrow, and life looked bleak.

You remember it as the worst Christmas ever.

But I’d like to ask you to think again.

Writing a memoir can be such a blessed project: Memoir requires taking long, deep looks at the past. Memoir involves pondering, examining, re-thinking, digging deep and finding gems we might not have known were there.

illustration in public domain

Sometimes what seems to be our biggest disaster or heartache turns out to be a blessing—one we couldn’t have received without the difficulty.

Sometimes we think a calamity will destroy us but God is in the midst of our situations and, in the way only He can do it, He turns everything inside out and upside down and—instead of destroying us—it makes us stronger and better.

Failures. Tangled messes. Catastrophes. Tragedies. Conflicts. Blows. Adversity. Upheavals. Disasters. Setbacks. Unwelcome surprises.

God can use our deep disappointments to get our attention,

shake us up a little,

clear our heads,

help us see we were putting our hope in something we shouldn’t,

open new doors for us,

give us new perspectives,

tenderize our souls,

and give us fresh starts.

God can do all that.

That’s what Romans 8:28 is all about: 

“…God causes everything to work together 

for the good of those who love God 

and are called according to his purpose for them.” 

(NLT)

A long time ago, H.C. Trumbull told this story:

“The floods washed away home and mill, all the poor man had in the world. But as he stood on the scene of his loss, after the water had subsided, brokenhearted and discouraged, he saw something shining in the bank which the waters had washed bare. ‘It looks like gold,’ he said. It was gold. The flood which had beggared him made him rich. So it is ofttimes in life.” (Quoted by Mrs. Charles E. Cowman, Streams in the Desert, January 20 selection.)

When turn-arounds and relief and solutions eventually come our way, it’s so easy to snatch them, run with them, and never look back. We too easily fail to recognize God’s loving intervention on our behalf, and we fail to recognize the good He has brought to us out of the midst of our hardships.

Take time—make time—to dig through the dirt and ashes of what you thought was your most disastrous Christmas, and mine those bits of gold.  

Search for evidence of God’s healing, new directions He provided for your life, new friends, and new hope.

Pinpoint the ways He strengthened your faith for the future.

Recognize these were all part of God’s unique plan for you and your life.

Gather all those discoveries and write memoir vignettes detailing the ways God was in the midst of your worst Christmas ever.

Write stories about the way He took a disaster or heartache and turned it inside out and upside down and turned it into something good—blessings you couldn’t have received without that difficulty. Instead of destroying you, it made you stronger and better.

If you’ll make time to do that, 

you can receive heaps of blessings.

Give it a try!

Related post:

What is memoir?

Evidence: Write about it! 

My mother and “Things unseen and eternal”

My sweet little mother died a few days ago and my family and I are grieving her loss. (See pictures of her at A pause.)

Professionally, Mom was extraordinarily accomplished, but everyone knew the most important things were her family, God, and her church.

I am deeply thankful to her for teaching us how to know, serve, and love God and others.

Mom showed us how to live well, how to grow old with dignity and grace and, in the end, how to die well—to die in peace.

King David, too, lived well and died well, in peace. In the Bible he is commended for carrying out his duties with integrity of heart and with skillful hands, and then, when David had accomplished God’s purpose in his own generation, he died (Psalm 78:70-72, Acts 13:36). 

When David breathed his last breath, what a sense of peace he must have held, knowing he had accomplished God’s unique purposes for him. What a sense of satisfaction (the right kind)!

I am confident my little mother, too, lived with integrity of heart and with skillful hands—that she accomplished God’s purposes for her generation, and died in peace. Hers was a life well-lived.

Dying. Death. What are they?

Here’s what Henry Van Dyke wrote:

A Parable of Immortality

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side

spreads her white sails to the morning breeze

and starts for the blue ocean.

She is an object of beauty and strength, and I stand and watch

until at last she hangs like a speck of white cloud

just where the sun and sky come down to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says,

‘There she goes!’

Gone where? Gone from my sight—that is all.

She is just as large in mast and hull and spar

as she was when she left my side

and just as able to bear her load of living freight

to the places of destination.

Her diminished size is in me, not her.

And just at the moment when someone at my side says,

‘There she goes!’

there are other eyes watching her coming

and other voices ready to take up the glad shout,

‘Here she comes!’ 

(Henry Van Dyke)

I know Mom heard, loud and clear, “Welcome! Well done, good and faithful servant!” (Matthew 25:21).

I can only begin to imagine what she’s experiencing now.

She is seeing God face to face.

Eternal life is no longer something she only partially grasps.

Mysteries suddenly make sense.

Heavenly, unseen things are perfectly clear.

All the pieces have fallen into place.

Everything that puzzled her now makes sense.

She’s now involved in a “…contemplation of things unseen and eternal” (A Diary of Private Prayer, John Baillie).

How about you?

What are your thoughts about dying?

What do you think heaven will be like?

At the end of your time on earth,

what will it be like to stand before God

face to face, one on one?

What stories can you write for your kids, grandkids, and great-grands?

Dying and death and God and heaven seem elusive and mystifying and scary, especially for young people, so writing about them can benefit both you and your readers. Your stories can quiet fears. They can help others live with courage as they face the unknown.

Your stories can make readers think. Examine. Refine their stances. Take a fresh look. Maybe change the way they live, especially when their time on earth draws to an end.

“There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die…”

(Ecclesiastes 3:1-2).

In writing your memoir, teach your readers how to live,

but do more than that: Teach them about that “time to die.”

God can use your stories to bless your readers. Really!

Stories are among God’s most powerful tools.

They can fortify timid hearts,

help people make important decisions

and find their way,

and inspire readers to find God’s purposes for their lives.

Your stories can change lives forever.

Related posts:

A time to be born and a tie to die

A pause

“Life is a steep climb … and we must help one another”

“Life is a steep climb,” she wrote almost a century ago, “and it does the heart good to have somebody ‘call back’ and cheerily beckon us up the high hill.”

In the past hundred years, tens of thousands of us have received blessing upon blessing because Mrs. Charles E. Cowman called back—in writing.

“We are all climbers together,” she continued in Streams in the Desert, “and we must help one another. This mountain climbing is serious business, but glorious. It takes strength and a steady step to find the summits.… If anyone among us has found anything worthwhile, we ought to ‘call back.’”

How long ago did I first read those words? Over 30 years ago. And they became an important theme in my life—a goal, a focus.

Below is a poem she wrote and, despite sounding old-fashioned, it contains precious gems of wisdom and inspiration for even the youngest among us:

If you have gone a little way ahead of me, call back—

‘Twill cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track;

And if, perchance, Faith’s light is dim, because the oil is low,

Your call will guide my lagging course as wearily I go.

Call back, and tell me that He went with you into the storm;

Call back, and say He kept you when the forest’s roots were torn;

That, when the heavens thunder and the earthquake shook the hill,

He bore you up and held you where the very air was still.

Oh, friend, call back, and tell me for I cannot see your face;

They say it glows with triumph, and your feet bound in the race;

But there are mists between us and my spirit eyes are dim,

And I cannot see the glory, though I long for word of Him.

But if you’ll say He heard you when your prayer was but a cry,

And if you’ll say He saw you through the night’s sin-darkened sky—

If you have gone a little way ahead, oh, friend, call back—

‘Twill cheer my heart and help my feet along the stony track.

(from Mrs. Charles E. Cowman’s Streams in the Desert; emphasis mine)

Little did I know that Mrs. Cowman’s message would live so long in my heart and lead me to the word “memoir” and it all means, and the ways memoirs can bless others.

The point of her post echoes in this:

“ … The God of all comfort … comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

“Any grief we have gone through ourselves

and given over to the Lord’s healing

is preparation for comforting others.…

As one who has received comfort from Christ,

I will think of myself as a communicator of comfort.”

(Lloyd John Ogilvie, Silent Strength for My Life; emphasis mine)

Was there a time when your world fell apart, when your faith was at a low point, when you longed for God to heal your broken heart?

If so, it was “preparation for comforting others.” You “have gone a little way ahead” of others. Let God use your experience and your words to comfort others.

If you have experienced the death of a dream, or if you have endured devastating illness, write for those just beginning their own long, discouraging battle: “Call back, and tell [readers] that He went with you into the storm.”

If you’ve faced financial ruin, or if you’ve survived abuse or infidelity or betrayal, “call back” to encourage readers in the midst of their own heartache—those dear ones reeling while “the heavens thunder and the earthquake shakes.” Tell them the ways God “bore you up and held you.”

You cannot know who will read your words, but your stories are important. No one else can write them the way you can, and God can and will use them. 

Someone needs to read your God-and-you stories.

“Say He heard you!”

“Say He saw you!”

“God gave us the gift of language to express something extraordinary. Well chosen words launched intentionally from one heart to another … soothe, heal, edify, build, and bring comfort.” (Birdie Courtright)  

Write stories for your memoir that will call back:

Be a communicator of comfort.