This is a big deal: “The world’s greatest wisdom passes through stories”

Do you worry about influences on your kids, grandkids, and great-grands?—influences that lure them away from your best hopes and dreams and prayers for them?

Less-than-stellar influencers bombard today’s young people, enticing them to live and believe in ways that could diminish them morally, spiritually, personally, mentally, and relationally.

Today’s kids are listening to the stories of movie stars, singers, comedians, the press, educators, athletes, politicians, authors, friends, and paranormal characters in books and movies.

If you worry about the stories your kids, grandkids, and great-grands listen to, how about telling them your stories?

There’s a good reason the Bible is full of stories. There’s a good reason Jesus told parables.

Never doubt the power of stories! Kathy Edens writes, “Research proves that stories and anecdotes help people retain information better. Forbes reported most people only remember about 5-10% of statistics you cite. But when you accompany your stats with a story, the retention rate bounces up to 65-70%.”

Wow! Did you know that? That’s impressive.

If you want to teach your grandkids the importance of telling the truth, for example, you can say to them, “It’s important to always tell the truth, and you can get yourself into tons of trouble if you lie,” but your words will probably go in one ear and out the other.

OR, you can tell them a story—a story of how you, or someone you know, learned the importance of honesty, and the consequences of dishonesty.

Your stories can teach your kids, grandkids, and great-grands so many important things—about keeping a commitment, being faithful, working hard, being kind.

Your stories can teach them to handle tragedies with tenacity and faith.

Your stories can help them choose courage over fear, generosity over stinginess, compassion over meanness, thankfulness over ingratitude, and so much more.   

 “The world’s greatest wisdom passes through stories,” writes Kathy Edens.

Think about this:

The world’s greatest wisdom

can flow through your stories!

If you’re still not convinced of your stories’ importance, here’s something else for you. It’s staggering, really.

In fact, this is a big deal.

In his New York Times article, “The Stories that Bind Us,” Bruce Feiler explores, from a secular perspective, what makes families healthy, resilient, happy, and functional.

He writes that Dr. Sara Duke, a psychologist working with children, discovered that while all families have struggles, “The [kids] who know a lot about their families tend to do better when they face challenges,” she says.

Fascinated with Dr. Sara’s findings, her husband, Marshall, also a psychologist, and his colleague, Robyn Fuvish, did their own research on how much individual kids knew stories of their family’s history and its members—parents and grandparents, for example—and how much they knew of their family’s struggles as well as its triumphs.

They came to what Feiler calls “an overwhelming conclusion: The more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their own lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned.”

Shortly after that research, the United States experienced the attack on September 11, 2001, and Dr. Duke and his team checked again on the children they’d studied. None was directly impacted by the terrorist attack yet each one, like the rest of us, still suffered trauma. Nevertheless, “Once again…,” Dr. Duke found, “the ones who knew more about their families proved to be more resilient, meaning they could moderate the effects of stress.”

Don’t miss the rest of Feiler’s article, “The Stories that Bind Us.” You’ll find that youngsters who felt the most connected to their families—through stories of both ups and downs, and of their determination to survive and thrive—were the kids who could handle challenges and overcome obstacles in healthy ways.

There’s a good reason Jesus said,

“Go tell your family everything God has done for you”

(Luke 8:39).

That means you need to tell your stories!

And this is important: Avoid writing stories that are dry. Or dreary. Or preachy—avoid a “holier-than-thou” attitude.

DO write stories that include humor, adventure, mystery, romance, pets, childhood escapades, teenage pranks, athletic competitions—the list could go on and on.

“We are storytellers,” writes Carolina Hinojosa-Cisneros. “With the help of God, it is up to us to steward our calling and steward it well.”

Think about this:

What stories have been entrusted to you? 

And perhaps even more important: Who has God entrusted to you?

And are you stewarding them—caring for them—to the very best of your ability?

“…Everyone needs writers—

every child, every woman, every man—

to bring out these hidden truths

that lie dormant in us and help them

live what truly matters in life.

Writers have all got to work hard

at this occupation—

for the glory of people

and our most cherished beliefs and ideas.

To fight to ignore all the distractions

and take the time to share our stories

and unpack their meaning and messages….

It’s the most important job in the world.”

Mick Silva

Be good stewards of your experiences and stories.

Do what Jesus said: Go tell your family all God has done for you.

Your stories could be life-changing for those who read them.

Tuesday Tidbit: Our responsibilities, our stories

There's a reason Jesus said, "Go tell your family everything God has done for you" (Luke 8:39).

What reason(s) come to mind?

And are you doing what he said?

“Questions we have to ask ourselves…as we write”

Here's your 15 seconds of inspiration,

your Tuesday Tidbit:

"What is it that makes a piece of writing

larger than its immediate story?

What is the inner purpose,

what connects this story

to something larger 

than the family being written about?

What is the compelling reason

for people to read this memoir?

Why are you writing it?

These are the questions

we have to ask ourselves

over and over

as we write."

Barbara Abercrombie

“Don’t Waste Your Trials,” a new way to look at our hurts

Heartaches and trials and hurts and tragedies: You and I experience them, and when we do, “we focus on why they happen and how,” son-in-law Brian said in his Sunday sermon, “and we want to solve them.”

True.

But Brian really caught my attention when he pointed out, gently, that in times of calamity, we become self-centered.

When the doctor says we have a terminal disease,

            when someone tries to destroy our reputation,

                        when we’re reeling in pain,

when we face financial ruin,

            when a loved one dies,

                        when the house burns down,

                                    when we’re wrongly accused,

we become self-centered, Brian said. Self-centered. And he’s right. His words made me think back to my past hardships and, sure enough, I became self-absorbed in seeking an end to my pain and a path back to normalcy.

Brian continued with compassionate words, with humble words full of grace: “We have wrong expectations if we think life shouldn’t have trials. When they happen, avoid self-centeredness.”

Instead, he said, think of this: “God might be doing something bigger than you.” Does that grab you like it did me?

Brian urged us to use our tragedies for good by looking to others.

“Don’t waste your trials,” he said. “God might allow something hard so you can encourage others.

“Use your problems as an opportunity,” Brian said—an opportunity, he said!—to encourage others as they endure their own difficulties:

Your life, your experiences,

and your stories

can serve as another set of eyes

for others

struggling through their own trials.

You can help them

negotiate through the dark

and find the light.

In the midst of heartbreak, when life sends us on a bumpy detour into the wilderness, let’s focus on trusting that God has good plans for each of us. He loves us and doesn’t forsake us. Even when we can’t sense it, “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28, NIV).

Let’s watch for the ways God takes bad things and works them out for good. Sometimes it takes years, even decades, to detect how He’s been working, often quietly—even silently—out of sight. But He’s been working nevertheless, and it’s our job to take time and make the effort to look back, connect the dots, and put all the puzzle pieces together.

And then let’s write our stories 

and share them with others. 

Our stories can’t help anyone unless we share them.

“Life is a steep climb,” wrote Mrs. Charles E. Cowman about a century ago,“… and it does the heart good to have somebody ‘call back’ and cheerily beckon us up the high hill.” (By call back Mrs. Cowman means cupping your hands around your mouth and hollering, as opposed to returning a phone call.)

“We are all climbers together, and we must help one another,” Mrs. Cowman wrote. “This mountain climbing is serious business, but glorious. It takes strength and a steady step to find the summits.… If anyone among us has found anything worthwhile, we ought to ‘call back.’” (From Mrs. Charles E. Cowman’s Streams in the Desert; emphasis mine)

That’s what memoir is all about: Those who have found something worthwhile—that’s all of us, isn’t it?—ought to share it with others.

Think of the times someone else’s story:

• turned your life in a new direction,
• convinced you to keep a promise,
• gave you hope,
• kept you from making a big mistake,
• inspired you to take a leap of faith,
• taught you how to love,
• helped you forgive,
• gave you courage to stand against evil,  
• solved a mystery,
• showed you how to give a soft answer,
• helped you make a hard decision,
• inspired a new goal.

Those are the people who “called back” to you.

Now it’s your turn

to “call back” to others.

Write—and share—your story.

Tuesday Tidbit: Now it’s your turn

Here's your 15 seconds of inspiration,

your Tuesday Tidbit:

Your stories are important.

Believe it.

Write.

Tuesday Tidbit – A key role: Storytelling

Here's today's 15 seconds of inspiration,

your Tuesday Tidbit:

"I believe with all my heart

that a key role grandparents are given in the family

is that of storyteller.

The power of story is undisputed when it comes to

impressing upon hearts and minds

the truths of God's world and work in our lives.

Stories stick in our mind.

They flesh out truth so that

it becomes more than information.

It is something we can visualize

and vicariously experience ...

and thus, it comes alive in us."

Cavin Harper, Executive Director

Christian Grandparenting Network

Tuesday Tidbit: The value of your stories

Here's this week's 15 seconds of inspiration,

your Tuesday Tidbit:

“Stories are the oldest 

and most valuable equipment 

we have as a human community 

and as people of faith.” 

Marilyn Chandler McEntyre

Caring for Words in a Culture of Lies

Stories are important.
Stories can change a person.
Stories can change a family,
and a village,
and a country.
Stories have even changed the world.

Your stories are important.
You might never know 
how many people your stories can touch.
Write your stories!

Memories: They help your memoir’s characters come to life

Have you ever forgotten something specific about a person dear to you? And then someone reminded you of that characteristic? That happened to me recently.

Mom and me, Mother's Day 2004

It was during my mother’s memorial service last Saturday. During the time for sharing stories, my brother Douglas told about Mom’s inflatable, life-sized woman’s body from the waist down. She would put pantyhose, shoes, and a skirt on it and slide it part way under our guests’ cars. Her prank always got squeals and guffaws.

One time she pushed it part way under our youth minister’s car. After Mark’s visit, he descended the dozen front stairs, only to burst through the front door a few seconds later, a blubbering, sobbing mess.

“I think I killed someone! Call an ambulance! Call the police!”

Mom explained it was just a prank, but he persisted.

“I don’t know how it happened,” he bawled, “but I ran over a woman in your driveway! I think she’s dead!”

Eventually Mom calmed him down and showed him they were fake legs. Poor dear guy. I wonder if he ever forgave her.

My brother’s story during Mom’s memorial service made me laughed out loud. I’d forgotten about that segment of her life.

I remember the time Mom, an elementary school teacher, sneaked into the principal’s office when he was out of the building, and into his private bathroom, and stretched plastic wrap over his toilet bowl. (I’ll leave the rest to your imagination.)

Don’t get me wrong: My mother was more than a prankster.

Washington State Teacher of the Year

She was named Washington State Teacher of the Year. She went on to become a finalist for National Teacher of the Year and enjoyed a reception on the White House lawn with First Lady Pat Nixon.

She was on a first-name basis with our governor and first lady.

She held state-wide and nation-wide positions on various boards and commissions.

She founded a museum.

But all that’s kind of dry, isn’t it?

If you were reading stories about my mother, wouldn’t you enjoy knowing that beyond her professional accomplishments, she was also a prankster? Doesn’t that information make her seem more real and alive? More fleshed out? (I’m pretty sure I know your answers.)

Mom visited us in the middle of nowhere in South America

Are you trying to flesh out one of your memoir’s key characters?

If so, strike up a conversation with someone who knew him or her well. Start telling stories to each other and see what memories come to mind.

Also, look over photos. Photos can trigger your memories, too.

Memories are crucial in the development of your memoir’s significant people. That’s important because you don’t want—and especially your readers don’t want—lifeless, “cardboard characters.” (Carly Sandifer)

Your readers will thank you for making your memoir’s significant people come to life.

Related posts:

Your memoir’s characters’ inner qualities

Write life into your memoir’s characters

Let no cardboard characters creep around in your memoir

Shallow, hollow, dull and bland are out

Your memoir and the power of photos

Start with something humorous

Make ‘em laugh

Your stories can do all that, and more

Your stories can have a profound impact—

on individuals,

on marriages,

on children,

friendships,

schools,

—maybe even on governments,

churches,

businesses,

communities,

and society.

Your stories can entertain,

guide,

energize,

motivate,

help solve problems,

open doors,

and help dreams come true.

Your stories can break down barriers,

fortify timid hearts,

and soften hard hearts.

Your stories can right wrongs,

stop prejudice and evil,

share wisdom,

and inspire hope.

Your stories can do all that— and more!

Write your stories!

“Blessed are they who...”

Many old-age issues make us uncomfortable and too often we avoid dealing with them—to everyone's loss. 

But I urge you to write your stories! Your memoir can change the way readers view old age and old people and you.

Your stories can also impact the way people care for your loved ones in their old age—and how others treat you when you’re old and feeble. (See links to related posts, below.) 

They can help them grasp that they, too, will someday become aged and wobbly and face the unknown of growing old and frail.

Sometimes the most effective way to deliver such messages is through someone else’s words, like we did last week with “The Wooden Bowl.”

This week we’ll look at “Crabby Old Man,” a piece many people claim to have written. (There’s also a version called “Crabby Old Woman.”)

Crabby Old Man
(author unknown)

What do you see nurses? What do you see?
What are you thinking when you're looking at me?
A crabby old man, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles his food and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice, "I do wish you'd try!"
Who seems not to notice the things that you do
And forever is losing a sock or shoe?
Who, resisting or not, lets you do as you will
With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill?
Is that what you're thinking? Is that what you see?

Then open your eyes, nurse you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am, as I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of ten, with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters who love one another.
A young boy of sixteen with wings on his feet,
Dreaming that soon now a lover he'll meet.
A groom soon at twenty, my heart gives a leap
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.
At twenty-five, now I have young of my own
Who need me to guide and a secure happy home.
A man of thirty, my young now grown fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last.
At forty, my young sons have grown and are gone,
But my woman's beside me to see I don't mourn.
At fifty, once more babies play 'round my knee.
Again, we know children, my loved one and me.

Dark days are upon me. My wife is now dead.
I look at the future and shudder with dread,
For my young are all rearing young of their own,
And I think of the years and the love that I've known.
I'm now an old man, and nature is cruel.
‘Tis jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles . Grace and vigor depart.
There is now a stone where I once had a heart,
But inside this old carcass, a young guy still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
And I'm loving and living life over again.
I think of the years, all too few, gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.

So open your eyes, people! Open and see
Not a crabby old man. Look closer: see ME!

Below is an elderly person’s poem of gratitude, a benediction, for those who treat old folks with grace and dignity:

Beatitudes for Friends of the Aged

(Esther Mary Walker)

Blessed are they who understand

My faltering step and palsied hand.

Blessed are they who know that my ears today

Must strain to catch the things they say.

Blessed are they who seem to know

That my eyes are dim and my wits are slow.

Blessed are they who looked away

When coffee spilled at the table today....

(Click here to read the rest of Beatitudes for Friends of the Aged.)

Write your stories! It’s okay to add other people’s poems and essays to your own collection of stories. They are important. Your stories can be anchors for your kids, grandkids, and great-grands as they help loved ones through old age—and as they face aging themselves someday.

You have this opportunity 

to educate younger generations about old-timers. 

Life for all generations can be better 

if you share your wisdom and insights.

Related posts:

Writing about the really tough stuff

Growing old: the silly side 

Growing old, humor, and the elephant in the room

Your memoir: Writing about the really tough stuff

Lately we’ve been writing vignettes about old age. Such stories can offer some of your most important messages to your kids, grandkids, and future generations.

Start this collection of stories with humor because:

• Humor connects your readers with you,
• when you make them laugh, or at least chuckle, they enjoy you,
• they might even think you’re an OK person despite your antiquarianishness,
• can lead your readers to accept you—or maybe even like you—and that’s important because:
• establishing rapport lets you address the tough stuff with them later.

In other words, it can “give you greater access to their hearts.” (Chuck Swindoll)

(Don’t miss Like a sneak attack. Starting with humor is one of the most effective, powerful techniques a memoirist can use.) 

Today, let’s think about that tough stuff, the sensitive issues, the difficult but important topics.

For example:

How do you want people to care for your loved ones in their old age?

How do you want people to treat you when you’re old and feeble?

Stories could impact the way you and your loved ones are treated in old age.

Take this story, for example:

The Wooden Bowl

(folktale)

A frail old man went to live with his son, daughter-in-law, and four-year-old grandson. The old man’s hands trembled, his eyesight was blurred, and his step faltered. The family ate together at the table. But the elderly grandfather’s shaky hands and failing sight made eating difficult. Peas rolled off his spoon onto the floor. When he grasped the glass, milk spilled on the tablecloth. The son and daughter-in-law became irritated.

“We must do something about Grandfather,” said the son. “I’ve had enough of his spilled milk, noisy eating and food on the floor.” So the husband and wife set a small table in the corner. There, Grandfather ate alone while the rest of the family enjoyed dinner. Since Grandfather had broken a dish or two, his food was served in a wooden bowl.

When the family glanced in Grandfather’s direction, sometimes he had a tear in his eye as he sat alone. Still, the only words the couple had for him were sharp admonitions when he dropped a fork or spilled food.

The four-year-old watched it all in silence. One evening before supper, the father noticed his son playing with wood scraps on the floor. He asked the child sweetly, “What are you making?”

Just as sweetly, the boy responded, “Oh, I am making a little bowl for you and mama to eat your food in when I grow up.” The four-year-old smiled and went back to work.

The words so struck the parents that they were speechless. Then tears started to stream down their cheeks. Though no word was spoken, both knew what had to be done.

That evening the husband took Grandfather’s hand and gently led him back to the family table. For the remainder of his days he ate every meal with the family.

And for some reason, neither husband nor wife seemed to care any longer when a fork was dropped, milk spilled, or the tablecloth soiled.

That is one version of an ancient folktale told in many cultures since around 1535.

Did it pierce your heart? It did mine.

Being elderly is often humiliating: feeble feet, unsteady hands, wispy voice, mixed-up memory, bungled hearing, blurred sight.  Being elderly is to be weak and vulnerable and insecure 24/7. 

Elder abuse, or at least insensitivity, has occurred for centuries. The stories you tell your kids and grandkids and great-grands can bring a halt to such neglect and hurt.  They can help keep elders' dignity intact.

As you compile your memoir, remember: You don't need to write of only your first-hand experiences. I've included "The Wooden Bowl" in stories for my grandchildren. You can, too.

Such stories are important. They can touch minds and hearts, restore humanity, inspire gentleness.

Stories can right wrongs. 

Stores can help all of us face the unknown of growing old and frail.

The stories you include in your memoir could change the way your readers view old age and old people and you. Maybe they'll realize that they, too, will someday become aged and wobbly.

Your stories could make someone's life, maybe even yours, better than it might have been.

Related posts:

Make ‘em laugh

Growing old: the silly side 

Growing old, humor, and the elephant in the room

Your words could take up residence in someone’s soul

"Someone needs to tell those tales….

For each and every ear it will be different,

and it will affect them in ways 

they can never predict. 

From the mundane to the PROFOUND. 

You may tell a tale that 

takes up residence in someone's soul, 

becomes their blood and self and purpose. 

That tale will move them and drive them 

and who knows what they might do because of it, 

because of your words. 

That is your role, your gift." 

Erin Morgenstern, The Night Circus