Memoirist Jessica Cherie Errico: When there’s a gap where love should be

We read books to find ways to fill the gaps we have in our hearts and minds and souls.

 

We look for stories by those  

who have journeyed down life’s road ahead of us.

Why?

Because we can catch a glimpse of ourselves

in other people’s stories,

and by their example and their words,

they offer us answers, guidance, and inspiration.

 

With that in mind, I’m pleased to recommend Jessica Cherie Errico’s memoir, The Mother Gap: A Daughter’s Search for Connection, the story of her longing for a close relationship with her alcoholic mother.

 

“When a daughter feels disconnected from her mother, her heart hurts. There is an empty spot, a gap, where love should be. Her heart cries out, ‘Mom, I need you! . . . Aren’t I good enough?’”

 

Perhaps you know Jessica’s pain, you know what it’s like to feel a disconnect with your mother—or father. Or maybe you know others who suffer such pain. Reverend Roland Coffee writes that The Mother Gap “. . . should help anyone struggling with  memories of the lack of parental love.”

 

Jessica says, “Because of God’s forgiveness in my life, I have learned to extend forgiveness to those who’ve hurt me.”

 

She saw how bitterness consumed her mother and says, “I realized I didn’t want that for my life. . . . I had been accumulating her pain in my heart and . . . I needed to be free of that, so God showed me how to be willing to forgive her.

 

“I wanted to share that with others because many women have conflicts with their moms or other close relatives. We’re all in the process of learning how to forgive and let go.”

 

One reviewer of Jessica’s memoir said that her “moving transparent story . . . awakened buried pain” of her childhood relationship with her own parents and helped her to see them in a new light. “My heightened forgiveness of both of them has freed me to shine my light for Jesus much brighter now. This was an excellent healing balm for me.”

Another reviewer wrote: “Jessica’s story about her troubled relationship with her mother is written openly and honestly. It can help anyone suffering with . . . a handicapped relationship. . . . Jessica does not skip over the difficulties or the pain, but openly confesses that it is by the power of God that such a turn-about and personal growth can be experienced.”

 

Another reviewer wrote: “Thank you, Jessica, for opening my eyes to my own mom’s experience. In reading this beautiful testimony of love and forgiveness, I was helped to resolve the residual pain in my own heart!”

As Joe Rigney writes, "Stories are powerful. Stories are soul food. . . . and they can help us in soul care.

 

“Stories can help us gain perspective, to step outside of our own lives in order to reflect on reality. Stories can point us to The Story, so that we can find ourselves in God’s narrative when we’re lost and adrift.

 

“Stories can direct us to the truth, helping us to remember and to connect with God and with each other.

 

“And stories can direct us to action, to remind us of God’s call upon us, so that we might walk in the light as he is in the light” (Joe Rigney, “Weep, But Also Rejoice”).

 

I encourage you to read and share The Mother Gap: A Daughter’s Search for Connection. Within its pages you’ll find rich blessings for yourself and your family members—because all of us have gaps, those empty spots where love should be.

 

 

Jessica’s words and heart

have blessed us already so much today,

but here’s more!

Here are a couple of bonuses for you:

 

Click on Forgiveness Heals Relationships to watch her interview with Lisa Buldo.

Click on Forgiveness and Connection: The Search, to watch Jessica’s interview with Dr. Sheila Sapp. 

Come back next week for Jessica’s special message

for those writing their own memoirs.

 

Jessica Errico is an artist and author. She’s published four books, several articles, and writes a bi-monthly column for the Religion Section of her local newspaper. Visit her website, Jessica  Cherie Errico: Author/Artist,  as well as her blog of the same name.

 

Celebrating Jessica's memoir, Part Two

Today we continue celebrating with Jessica Errico on the release of her memoir, 

The Mother Gap.

(Click this link for Part One of our Q & A with Jessica.)

How long have you been writing? What kinds of training did you receive?

Writing has always been in my DNA.  Since elementary school, I have dabbled in writing stories, mostly drawing from personal experience. In sixth grade, when I desperately wanted my ears pierced and was waiting on my parents’ permission, I wrote an essay about a caterpillar that wanted the same.

Later, in college, I concentrated on art and psychology. It wasn’t until I was a mother of two young children that I got serious about studying the craft of writing. It seemed the perfect creative outlet for me while the kids were napping, and my “creative juices” didn’t involve making a mess!

Have you attended writers’ conferences? Do you belong to a critique group? If so, what do you find most helpful about them?

Back in the mid-eighties, my husband encouraged me to invest in my writing. I was invited to join a Christian critique group on Bainbridge Island, Washington, that provided accountability for me. What a privilege to share my writing with other sisters in Christ! Due to my association with Elaine Colvin and Kay Stewart, I learned of opportunities to submit my writing and had a couple of devotionals published.

During those years, I attended writers’ conferences in Warm Beach, Washington, and even traveled to California to attend one at Biola University. Those were enjoyable, intense events, where I assimilated lots of information and attended workshops to learn about writing as a craft.

Tell us about your published devotionals.

I was fortunate to have wonderful contacts in the local writing community. For example, I learned that Mary Beckwith was compiling an anthology of devotionals geared to women contracted by Regal Books. I submitted devotionals that were published in the first and second anthologies: Still Moments and Songs from the Heart. My humble writings were printed alongside others by Shirley Dobson, Edith Schaeffer, and Gloria Gaither. I was thrilled! Payment was in the form of free books and a sense of accomplishment. These may be out of print, but they are on my bookshelf!

Jessica, you’ll be glad to know I found both devotionals for sale through Amazon. For our friends here at SM 101, I’ve included titles and links for both:

Sing a New Song: Inspirations from the Heart

Still Moments: Practical Devotions for Today’s Busy Women

Do you have a writing routine?

Now that my book is finished, I don’t have a fixed routine. Yet, while writing my memoir, it took precedence along with my commitment to Bible Study Fellowship. I forced myself to invest several hours a day typing at the computer.

What were the hardest parts of getting your memoir to publication? Did you ever want to give up? If so, what kept you going?

The sheer discipline of writing it was the most difficult part for me. Yes, there were times I wanted to give up, months when I didn’t write a word. But I knew God had called me to write my story, and I always came back to it. Plugging away at one chapter at a time helped me not to be discouraged by the enormity of the project. And I think it’s essential to have a couple of encouragers who will pray for you along the way.

I also struggled with how to format my story—whether to break it into sections for readability—and what kind of theme would pull it together for the reader. These were big unknowns and I really wrestled with them. I committed to listening for God to show me how to do it. He used unsolicited comments, the books of others, and even a movie to give me little nudges.

Then I had to decide whether to pursue the traditional publishing route, or to self-publish. After much hand wringing, I opted to assume the financial risk of self-publishing in order to get my message out more quickly.

If you had it to do over again, what would you do differently about writing and/or publishing your memoir?

Not to beat myself up for being inconsistent with a writing schedule.

What hope can you offer memoirists struggling to finish their stories?

Don’t give up! If you need some encouragement to stick with it, share a section with a trusted friend, or another committed memoirist. Sometimes it just takes a quick pat on the back, or nod of approval, to keep going. Remember, our stories can bring glory to God and hope to others.

Tell our SM 101 group about specific activities you’re doing to market/publicize your book. What advice can you give to those who have not yet published?

The fun has just begun! I need to remind myself, as well as your readers, that we can meet the challenges of marketing with an upbeat attitude, perseverance, and grace. I’m currently sending off samples to chain bookstores in hopes they’ll carry it in their inventories, and I’m looking forward to scheduling author book signings as well. It was a surprise to hear of so many folks purchasing my book in an E-book format!

Would you like to write another book?

I’m thinking about writing another memoir about how, in answer to my neediness, God gave me the sweet unconditional love of my husband.

How can we buy The Mother Gap: A Daughter’s Search for Connection?

The softcover is available through me (jcerrico72@gmail.com) for $15 (which includes shipping), and you can use Paypal; or on Amazon. Kindle and Nook versions are also available.

Thanks, Jessica, for your interview, and again, congratulations on publishing your memoir. Flannery O’Connor said, “When the book leaves your hands, it belongs to God,” and I know you’re eager to see all He will do to hearten and heal others through your story. Bless you for the hard work you put into it.

Bionic and bilingual, author Jessica Errico is passionate about people, art and writing. Her travels throughout the United States, Europe, and parts of Mexico, have given her a rich appreciation for natural beauty, cultural traditions, and spiritual heritage. Educated at Dickinson College in Carlisle, PA., she has worn many hats: art gallery manager, full-time mom, newspaper columnist, worship leader, and director of a pregnancy care center, to name a few. Her favorite titles are: wife, mother and grandmother! 

When not preparing for her Bible Study class, Jessica loves to read, write, scrapbook and spend time with friends.  An avid Qwirkle player, she enjoys sweet fellowship with those who also cherish the Lord!

Be sure to check out Jessica’s blog, Mother Daughter Tango.

Congrats to Jessica Errico on publishing The Mother Gap

Congratulations to Jessica Errico on publishing her memoir, The Mother Gap, her story of trying to connect with her alcoholic mother.

“All of my life, I yearned for a loving relationship with my mother,” Jessica told me recently.

“When there is a lack of maternal affirmation and approval, a daughter can grow up emotionally needy. Add the inevitable fall-out of alcoholism in a family, and the ensuing emotional scares can seem overwhelming.”

Here’s what Jessica shared with me in a recent Q & A:

At what point did you realize you needed to tell your story?

Decades passed before I knew I had to write my story. The first urges to write were driven by pain and anger. Thankfully, I didn’t embark on this memoir until I had experienced healing in our relationship. The hard work started after Mom passed into heaven; that’s when I felt I had something significant to say.

Who is your reading audience?

The Mother Gap will appeal to daughters and mothers, ages 18 to 89, who experience pain and discord in their relationships; and to the family and friends who love them.

What can readers expect to find in your memoir? What’s the most important message you want to leave with them?

In The Mother Gap, readers will experience my journey as I attempt to forge a bridge to my mother. They will discover how the love of God was able to heal one daughter’s battered heart, and be encouraged to trust Christ for reconciliation in their own relationships.

I’m calling my book a “ministry memoir” because I’ve included “Bridging the GAP” questions (at the end of each chapter), to be used for personal reflection or group study. Truly, Jesus is able to heal hearts that open up to Him. By choosing to forgive, as He has forgiven us, we can finally lay hold of peace and contentment.

What did you learn about yourself from reflecting on the past, something you hadn’t realized before?

           

I realized anew just how much I need a Savior! It was sobering to remember just how much resentment and bitterness I carried for decades. I needed forgiveness just as much as I needed to forgive.

What did you discover about others and about God that you wouldn’t have recognized if you hadn’t taken time to look back and to write your memoir?

In the process of writing, I had the opportunity to truly reflect on the tangible ways God loves us! In reviewing my mother’s life, and my relationship with her, I was able to clearly see God’s Hand of provision and protection. I realized how many times He wove good things into our lives, and I am able to worship Him with increased thankfulness!

How has writing your memoir changed you? What different person are you today after having written your memoir?

Finishing my memoir brought an inner release I cannot adequately describe. Perhaps it was the task of honestly assessing the past, coupled with my goal to encourage others, that led me to let go of what I couldn’t fix, and better depend on my Redeemer.

How can we buy The Mother Gap?

The softcover is available through me (jcerrico72@gmail.com) for $15 (which includes shipping, and you can use Paypal), or on Amazon. Kindle and Nook versions are also available.

Next week: More about Jessica’s training, her writing practices, the publication process, marketing, and encouragement to others writing memoirs.

Bionic and bilingual, author Jessica Errico is passionate about people, art, and writing. Her travels throughout the United States, Europe, and Mexico have given her a rich appreciation for natural beauty, cultural traditions, and spiritual heritage. Educated at Dickinson College in Carlisle, PA, she has worn many hats: art gallery manager, full-time mom, newspaper columnist, worship leader, and director of a pregnancy care center, to name a few. Her favorite titles are: wife, mother and grandmother!

When not preparing for her Bible Study class, Jessica loves to read, write, scrapbook, and spend time with friends. An avid Qwirkle player, she enjoys sweet fellowship with those who also cherish the Lord!

Be sure to check out Jessica’s blog, Mother Daughter Tango.