On wordiness and “little timidities”

When you finish the first draft of your memoir, you might feel like celebrating—and you should! Go ahead and celebrate!

But don’t think you’ll be publishing that memoir soon. First you have a lot of editing and revising to do, and part of that process is having critique partners give you feedback. They can help you notice and correct many boo-boos. (Click on Critiques Make Your Writing Better.)

But before you involve critique partners, do everything you can to make your manuscript as perfect as possible.  Part of that includes fixing all types of wordiness:

Henry was overweight at that point in time.

I took a boat to get me to the open-air market.

I drove to the hardware to buy some nails.

She  managed to call called the salon and made an appointment.

She headed into the market to try and buy some chicken to eat for supper.

He packed up the car.

His beat included some of the nearby neighborhoods.

She worried about the dogs that came and barked at her toddler.

Grandma tried to calm her down so the rest of us could settle down for the night.

He wanted to spend some time learning learn about the Clallam Indian culture.

It involved negotiation on several different levels.

Professor Smith will make a decision decide Friday about Ken’s oral exam.

Often (but not always) you can cut “that” from a sentence. Here’s an example: “I know that you are busy but I think that this is information that you need to know.” Here’s another example: “He was afraid that I’d spoil his birthday surprise.”

William Zinsser offers this advice: “Prune out all the small words that qualify how you feel and how you think and what you saw: ‘a bit,’ ‘a little,’ ‘sort of,’ ‘kind of,’ ‘rather,’ ‘quite,’ ‘very,’ ‘too,’ ‘pretty much,’ ‘in a sense,’ and dozens more. They dilute both your style and your persuasiveness.

“Don’t say you were a bit confused,” Zinsser continues, “and sort of tired and a little depressed and somewhat annoyed. Be confused. Be tired. Be depressed. Be annoyed. Don’t hedge your prose with little timidities. Good writing is lean and confident.” (On Writing Well)

This type of Editing can be tedious, 

but think of it as polishing and perfecting a gem. 

Invest time in making your memoir sparkle.

Tuesday Tidbit: Simplify

Fix redundancies in your manuscript. For example:

Josh repeated again.

Adam read each and every book.

The witness gave true and accurate facts.

Grandma sent me various different recipes.

Remember: Write tight!

De-clutter

Is your manuscript cluttered? Too wordy?

If so, you’re not ready to publish your memoir.

I thought of de-cluttering the other day when I took a look at the top of my desk—I mean really took a look at the top of my desk. I see it a dozen times a day but I am so accustomed to seeing the clutter on it that I don’t really see it.

But I made time to look: I saw an African table game, a gray plastic gizmo, my husband’s collection of FDR books, a pad of sticky notes with my husband’s list on it, a pen, a plastic totem pole our neighbor brought back from Alaska, my coffee cup on a coaster, a photo, Medicare booklets, my granddaughter’s pink hair band, and a little game in a tube which, I think, also belongs to her. Some of that is clutter—clutter that can and should be removed.

We need to notice clutter in our writing, too. For example, look at a revision of the third paragraph (above):

I thought of de-cluttering the other day when I took a look  looked at the top of my desk—I mean, really look looked at the top of the desk. I see it a dozen times a day but I am so accustomed to seeing the clutter on it that I don’t really see it. 

That’s what “write tight”  means—to cut extra words.

Avoid wordiness.

Economize.

Streamline.

“Vigorous writing is concise,” says William Strunk, Jr. “A sentence should contain no unnecessary words, a paragraph no unnecessary sentences, for the same reason that a drawing should have no unnecessary lines and a machine no unnecessary parts.”

Joseph  M. Williams says, “Some words are verbal tics that we use as unconsciously as we clear our throats,” words like actually, particularly, certain, virtually, individual, basically, generally, and practically.”

Williams gives this before-and-after example:

“Productivity actually depends on certain factors that basically involve psychology more than any particular technology.”

He offers this revision: “Productivity depends more on psychology than on technology.” (Style:Ten Lessons in Clarity and Grace)

If I remove my desk’s clutter, it will function better—it can serve its purpose. In the same way, if we de-clutter our manuscripts, our stories will more likely accomplish their purposes and benefit our readers.

And if I clean up my desk, the antique oak’s beauty shines. Similarly, if we clean up our manuscripts, the beauty of our messages can shine.

Look over your manuscript.

Read it aloud.

De-clutter.

You’ll be happier with your condensed version,

and your readers will thank you.

Tuesday Tidbit: “Unnecessary, superfluous, gratuitous content”

Here’s 15 seconds of inspiration,

your Tuesday Tidbit for this week:

Remember what Write Tight is?

"Keep it concise and

don't stuff your sentence with unnecessary,

superfluous, gratuitous content

that smothers your prose,

muddies your intentions,

confuses the reader,

clogs up the page with excess text,

pads out the work with inelegant drivels,

irritates the eye,

examines giraffes,

and renders your point unclear."

~ James Thomas

www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/write-sentence

Check out my earlier post, Write Tight! Enjoy!