“Count your blessings backward”

Sandra Clifton was desperately in need. In her discouragement, she cried out to God, “Are You there?”

 

Sandra seemed to hear God answer, “Count your blessings—backward!”

 

Think about that! Count your blessings—backward!

 

And so she did—Sandra began to examine her past, to remember what God had done.

 

In doing so, she discovered God had been guiding and providing for her even though she hadn’t detected it.

 

“I realized what God wanted me to understand: that He had been at work all along, setting up circumstances to bring His will to pass in my life. Recalling previous blessings and answered prayers reminded me of this truth. It is what David meant by ‘encouraging himself in the Lord.’

 

Sandra continues, “Tracing our blessings backward shows us the ‘pattern’ of God’s involvement in our lives. It allows us to see that the very obstacles we face today could be the things that set us up for His blessings tomorrow.”

 

“Today’s blessings are a result of the Father’s masterful orchestration of people and events,” she points out.

 

Sandra’s message is a glorious one, 

and it’s also what writing a spiritual memoir is all about.

 

We memoirists devote ourselves to remembering what God has done in the past. “‘Remember’ is the most frequent command in the Old Testament,” writes Mike Metzger.

 

We examine what happened in the past, we ponder, we take a broader, wider, deeper, higher look.

 

We search for God’s fingerprints.

 

We look for patterns in our lives.

 

We reflect in a deliberate way.

 

We connect the dots.

 

We trace our blessings backward. 

What a superb, blessed experience that can be!

 

What do you need to remember today?

 

Think back on your conversations with God—and write about them.

 

Remember how He confirmed His direction for your life—and write about it.

 

Remember what you committed to Him, remember the Bible verses that inspired you to make that commitment—and write about all that.

 

Remember your joy in setting out—and write about it.

 

Remember all the ways God walked hand in hand with you when you stumbled through rough spots, through dread-filled times, through your anguish—and write about it.

 

Remember raising your hands in surrender to God, trusting Him for His best outcome for your life—and write about it.

 

Remember the ways He brought you to a new and good place—and write about all of that.

 

And take joy in your writing!

 

Stewardship of stories: Mental illness and Sparks of Redemptive Grace

“There have been many times when our family has found itself in the midst of an adventure . . . like the time we were in rural Africa and the rugged airstrip where our tiny plane had just landed was actually too short for the return takeoff,” writes Catherine P. Downing, author of Sparks of Redemptive Grace.

 

“It was a bit scary as we watched the pilot work through various plans to extend the length of the runway. He concocted a number of configurations for adjustments and finally we were able to leave.

 

“It’s a story I love to tell (and in more detail), and there are many, many more.

 

“In fact, for all of us, our lives are composed of a series of stories that string together and provide markers for our memories and moments.

 

“We have stories of childhood pranks (like when my older brother dared me to sit in my second birthday cake, and I did), teenage dramas and vacation fiascos.

 

“For families with loved ones dealing with mental illness, our stories are of a different nature. We are hesitant to tell them for many reasons. Some are too painful, and we just don’t want to remember them.

 

“Others are too personal for ourselves or our family member. Then there is always the fear of stigma, or the dangers of self-pity.

 

“But there is value in our stories,” Catherine says. “They help others get a truthful picture of the realities of mental health difficulties that can tear down stigma.

 

“They comfort and counsel other families going through similar situations.

“And, if faith and prayer are running themes, then many of our stories tell of the goodness of God’s love, provision and protection.

 

“In Acts 1:8 Jesus tells His disciples, ‘You will be my witnesses.’

 

Catherine asks: “How have we seen God at work in our lives as we care for our loved one? Have we watched Him, like we saw the pilot in Africa, take an impossible situation and orchestrate a number of configurations for adjustments that lead to a brilliant solution? How have we witnessed His care, presence and power?

 

“Your stories . . . may give other families hope and direction,” says Catherine. “Opening up . . . may garner much-needed prayer. Being willing to talk about the realities of life in the midst of mental illness is a first step in becoming an advocate for new and better health care and legislation.

 

“As believers, we have been given the privilege and responsibility of being stewards of our stories. Let’s be aware of opportunities God gives us to tell of His goodness in the land of the living (Psalm 27:13) and to declare His steadfast love in the morning and His faithfulness by night (Psalm 92:2).”

 

 

Catherine P. Downing’s book, Sparks of Redemptive Grace, provides 14 brief chapters sharing one family’s challenges with mental illness. Each chapter overflows with insight, hope, Scriptures and prayers. It’s for sale as an e-book or in paperback. Order copies for your pastor, church library, friend, family, and mental health providers.

 

Click here to read what others say about Sparks of Redemptive Grace.

 

“Say it,” not as a hobby but as a ministry

Grandmas with Heart has a message that pertains to everyone here at SM 101, not just grandparents! “There is more to being a grandparent than fun and games—there is the handing down of confident faith . . . by being the link between the past and the future.”

 

“We . . . share with them the history of their family” such as when an ancestor “gave food from his grocery store to families who could not buy food in the depression and saved their lives.”

 

Stories such as when an ancestor “was hit over the head, thrown on a boat, taken to America and sold as an indentured servant.”

 

Grandma’s With Heart continues, “We are blessed to share how God worked in the lives of family in the distant past, in our own lives, and help them learn to watch for what He does in their own lives. . . .” 

 

Family histories “are a way they connect to the past, learn to pay attention to the present, while looking forward to the future.

 

“They give us a way to help the generations who come behind us trace God’s hands through the lives of their ancestors and know what it looks like to see His hand in their own lives. . . .

 

“Be the link in His chain of love which connects the past with the future.” (Read more at “Be the Link in the Chain.”)

 

Now, some of you might think

writing a memoir is for other people.

Some of you might question

whether you should write a memoir

for your kids and grandkids.

Some of you wonder

if your life’s stories are important.

 

At times we all have nagging uncertainties:

 

Do I have anything important to say?

 

Haven’t other writers already penned everything significant?

 

To counter those doubts, hear this:

 

You’re part of a story much bigger than yourself:

Your story is important.

It’s part of God’s story, and God’s story is part of yours.

 

Today, to reiterate your stories’ importance, I’m pleased to share words that have stuck in my mind for several years now, words of Edward Paz. Take Edward’s message to heart because it’s true!

 

“Say it.

Because no one else has said it with your style.

Because no one has said it with your energy.

Because no one has said it with your passion.

Say it.

Because no one has said it to your tribe.

Because no one has said it to your audience.

Because no one has said it to your followers.

Say it.

Who cares if someone else talked about it?

Who cares if someone else blogged about it?

Who cares if someone else wrote about it?

Say it anyways.

The truth is,

if you haven’t said it, it has yet to be said.”

(Edward Paz)

 

Friends! Wonder no more whether your stories are important.

 

You have lived stories only you can share.

Your history—your experiences, your insights,

your lessons learned—are not your own.

They have been entrusted to you by God.

 

Connect your stories with God’s story—

not as a hobby,

but as an important ministry to your family.

 

 

For you: Writing tips from memoirist Jessica Cherie Errico

Last week I promised you an inspiring message from Jessica Cherie Errico, author of The Mother Gap: A Daughter’s Search for Connection, the story of her longing for a close relationship with her “driven, classy, alcoholic mother” and the ways God helped Jessica forgive and love her.

 

Jessica wrote her memoir to help others who have an empty spot, a gap, where love should be. With that in mind, so many of you writers will recognize what Cynthia R. Wallace says:

 

“Storytelling [and] recalling triumphs of justice and goodness

grows our sense of what could be. . . .

Storytelling can feed not just our healing

but our imaginations of what is possible,

strengthening us for the long road together

as we join in God’s project of restoration.”

Cynthia R. Wallace

 

While writing The Mother Gap, Jessica ran into several challenges—as all memoirists do—and she wants to encourage you to persevere as you write your memoir.

 

So, let’s welcome Jessica!

 

Hi, Y’all!

 

I’m writing to you from beautiful Southeast Coastal Georgia, where God transplanted me back in 2011. Yes, He sent this sixty-five-year-old northerner to the south over twenty-two years ago, first to Florida and then to Georgia. I never saw it coming!

 

Yet, it’s in this land of pelicans, ’gators and curvy marshes that my writing efforts truly launched. What season of life are you in right now? Is God making a way for you to invest time into outlining and crafting a memoir?

 

Folks often approach me with a desire to write their whole life’s story. I can’t help but think, now that would be a very long tale! When I wrote The Mother Gap several years ago, I started by narrowing my focus to just the relationship between me and my mom.

 

So, when other people ask for my advice, I challenge them to do the same—to think specifically about what God would have them share. What life lessons, failures and triumphs from their experiences can bless others with encouragement and instruction? A narrow focus is not only critical in the writing stage, but for our reader’s enjoyment as well. Pinpointing your focus is extremely important.

 

Next, I began writing short chapters of selected memories I had of life with my mother. Writing them chronologically helped me break my topic into smaller sections. Still, I had freedom to change their order as desired.

 

Some of you might be wondering if you’ll feel overwhelmed by pain and hurt while dredging up past negative experiences. That’s a valid question and a very good reason to be in prayer.

 

As I wrote, I let raw emotion wash over me. I attempted to “paint” each scene, welcoming my readers into my experience. God loves us so much and is able to guide us by His Holy Spirit in granting and receiving forgiveness. Lean on His grace and trust His desire to bring healing to you.

 

In my case, much time had elapsed between my difficult childhood and my memoir writing (nearly five decades), so I wasn’t overwhelmed by the pain I shared. In fact, by repeatedly remembering the goodness of God displayed at the end of my story, I felt grounded and hopeful. What joy it was to write the latter chapters and boast about the healing Love of Christ!

 

The biggest takeaway from attending numerous writers’ workshops is this: to show and not tell. In other words, draw your readers in with descriptive wording that conveys the activity and emotions you’re portraying (using colors, temperature, weather, etc.), rather than merely summarizing the event or scene.

 

Another challenge in memoir writing is deciding how to format your story so it flows well. Does your story divide easily into sections? Is there a “theme” to bring cohesion to your chapters? This takes much time and reflection, as does selecting a title. Don’t be afraid to reach out to other writers or trusted friends. Share a bit of your story and get their opinions. I did.

 

If you feel called to write a memoir, you’ll have to overcome obstacles. Knowing this is critical as you begin. It is a big undertaking. However, staying with it, taking your time, and praying for God’s leading will surely result in great blessing. 

 

I remember my father’s words to me as I was neck-deep in the project, “You know, by writing all this down, you’ll probably feel much better.” 

 

At the time, I considered his remark very glib. I wanted to respond, “Sure Dad, you try writing a book about your experiences!”

 

But, you know, he was right. Once I finished the final draft, I sensed a sweet release and increased hopefulness. Indeed, in writing my book, I discovered many more ways God had shown His love for both me and my mom.

 

Stay true to your reason for writing your memoir. From the start, my prayer has been that through my memoir, readers will also experience the great blessing of forgiveness in their lives.

 

A spiritual memoir is a priceless treasure, a gift of wisdom, hope and encouragement. In sharing your life experiences and lessons, you invite readers to consider not only God’s faithfulness, but their own need to know and follow Him.

 

When we share our stories, we declare the truth of Romans 8:28 – “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

 

Shalom. 

 

Many thanks, Jessica, 

for sharing your experience with us. 

Your words of wisdom and advice 

will help us all to write the stories God has given us.

 

Jessica Errico is an artist and author. She’s published four books, several articles, and writes a bi-monthly column for the Religion Section of her local newspaper. Visit her website, Jessica Cherie Errico: Author/Artist, as well as her blog of the same name.

 

Memoirist Jessica Cherie Errico: When there’s a gap where love should be

We read books to find ways to fill the gaps we have in our hearts and minds and souls.

 

We look for stories by those  

who have journeyed down life’s road ahead of us.

Why?

Because we can catch a glimpse of ourselves

in other people’s stories,

and by their example and their words,

they offer us answers, guidance, and inspiration.

 

With that in mind, I’m pleased to recommend Jessica Cherie Errico’s memoir, The Mother Gap: A Daughter’s Search for Connection, the story of her longing for a close relationship with her alcoholic mother.

 

“When a daughter feels disconnected from her mother, her heart hurts. There is an empty spot, a gap, where love should be. Her heart cries out, ‘Mom, I need you! . . . Aren’t I good enough?’”

 

Perhaps you know Jessica’s pain, you know what it’s like to feel a disconnect with your mother—or father. Or maybe you know others who suffer such pain. Reverend Roland Coffee writes that The Mother Gap “. . . should help anyone struggling with  memories of the lack of parental love.”

 

Jessica says, “Because of God’s forgiveness in my life, I have learned to extend forgiveness to those who’ve hurt me.”

 

She saw how bitterness consumed her mother and says, “I realized I didn’t want that for my life. . . . I had been accumulating her pain in my heart and . . . I needed to be free of that, so God showed me how to be willing to forgive her.

 

“I wanted to share that with others because many women have conflicts with their moms or other close relatives. We’re all in the process of learning how to forgive and let go.”

 

One reviewer of Jessica’s memoir said that her “moving transparent story . . . awakened buried pain” of her childhood relationship with her own parents and helped her to see them in a new light. “My heightened forgiveness of both of them has freed me to shine my light for Jesus much brighter now. This was an excellent healing balm for me.”

Another reviewer wrote: “Jessica’s story about her troubled relationship with her mother is written openly and honestly. It can help anyone suffering with . . . a handicapped relationship. . . . Jessica does not skip over the difficulties or the pain, but openly confesses that it is by the power of God that such a turn-about and personal growth can be experienced.”

 

Another reviewer wrote: “Thank you, Jessica, for opening my eyes to my own mom’s experience. In reading this beautiful testimony of love and forgiveness, I was helped to resolve the residual pain in my own heart!”

As Joe Rigney writes, "Stories are powerful. Stories are soul food. . . . and they can help us in soul care.

 

“Stories can help us gain perspective, to step outside of our own lives in order to reflect on reality. Stories can point us to The Story, so that we can find ourselves in God’s narrative when we’re lost and adrift.

 

“Stories can direct us to the truth, helping us to remember and to connect with God and with each other.

 

“And stories can direct us to action, to remind us of God’s call upon us, so that we might walk in the light as he is in the light” (Joe Rigney, “Weep, But Also Rejoice”).

 

I encourage you to read and share The Mother Gap: A Daughter’s Search for Connection. Within its pages you’ll find rich blessings for yourself and your family members—because all of us have gaps, those empty spots where love should be.

 

 

Jessica’s words and heart

have blessed us already so much today,

but here’s more!

Here are a couple of bonuses for you:

 

Click on Forgiveness Heals Relationships to watch her interview with Lisa Buldo.

Click on Forgiveness and Connection: The Search, to watch Jessica’s interview with Dr. Sheila Sapp. 

Come back next week for Jessica’s special message

for those writing their own memoirs.

 

Jessica Errico is an artist and author. She’s published four books, several articles, and writes a bi-monthly column for the Religion Section of her local newspaper. Visit her website, Jessica  Cherie Errico: Author/Artist,  as well as her blog of the same name.