Part 2: What can you offer readers about mourning AND thanksgiving?

 

. . . . Continuing from last time: How can you write accounts in your memoir that embrace both mourning and thanksgiving?

 

For some of you, Thanksgiving brings back the pain of a heartbreak you endured in the past at this time of year.

• Every time Thanksgiving rolls around, you remember the first time you had to look at that empty seat at the Thanksgiving table. And it’s still empty this year.
• That special person’s favorite song keeps playing in your mind.
• Or Thanksgiving always reminds you of the time you miscarried . . . again.
• Or someone shot you, leaving you paralyzed from the waist down.
• Your boss fired you and you saw yourself as a total failure.
• You remember Thanksgiving as a time of enduring the unimaginable, when you were crushed in spirit, unable to shake the heaviness.

 

It was a situation you never could have predicted or would have chosen.

 

Since then, you’ve struggled

to find joy in the Thanksgiving season. . . .

 

And yet . . . . And yet . . . .

 

Now, looking back years later, you recognize that

there’s more to your story.

Something to be thankful for.

 

In some unexpected, surprising way,

not only did you survive, but now

you acknowledge the silver lining of your heartache.

 

You came out on the other side of your sorrow

thanking God for the blessings wrapped up in the hurts.

 

He brought beauty from your ashes:

He gave you the oil of joy—a joyous blessing—

instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

instead of heaviness and despair (Isaiah 61:3).

 

That’s what you want to put in writing

for your family and friends.

 

How did it happen?

 

If you haven’t sorted through that already, I encourage you to do so.

 

Take time—make time—to examine the past. Be deliberate.

 

Peel back layers and discover what you hadn’t noticed before.

 

How, specifically, did you travel from grief . . .

 to anger,

and then to hope . . .

and then to some degree of healing?

 

I say “some degree of healing” because most of us, despite the mending and restoring and rebuilding, still have an ache in our hearts.

 

You might be saying, “But I still have scars!”

 

I understand. I still have scars, too.

 

But a scar is not the same as a wound.

 

A wound is an injury, a laceration, a blow, a rip, a break.

 

But a scar is

“a mark left where a wound or injury or sore has healed.”

(Oxford American Dictionary)

 

A scar is what you have after you’ve mended.

The bleeding has stopped. The scab has fallen off.

 

Instead of thinking of a scar as something damaged,

defective, or disfigured,

isn’t it better to see the scar as something that has healed?

 

Think of your scar as an emblem declaring you survived, as evidence of healing.

 

 

Take a good hard look at the way God answered prayers. You might not have detected them at the time, but looking back, you can clearly identify God’s specific answers.

 

Notice the people God brought into your life to shine a little light in your darkness.

 

What Bible verses popped off the page and gave you hope for the future?

 

• Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted (Matthew 5:4).
• The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and He saves those whose spirits have been crushed (Psalm 34:18).
• Those who go to God Most High for safety will be protected by the Almighty (Psalm 91:1).
• He has put His angels in charge of you to watch over you wherever you go (Psalm 91:11).
• They will call upon Me and I will answer them. I will be with them in trouble; I will rescue them and honor them (Psalm 91:15).
• “I know what I am planning for you,” says the Lord. “I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future” (Jeremiah 29:11).
• “At the right time, I, the Lord, will act. . . .” (Isaiah 60:22)
• I give new life to those . . . whose hearts are broken (Isaiah 57:15b).
• He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3).
• Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning (Psalm 30:5b).
• How long, Lord, must I call for help . . . ?  I will stand like a guard to watch . . . . I will wait to see what He will say to me; I will wait to learn how God will answer my complaint (Habakkuk 1:2, 2:1).
• God knows where I am going. And when He tests me, I will come out as pure as gold (Job 23:10).

 

Note turning points or significant events.

 

During the early stages of what I call my personal 9/11, when I despaired of ever really living again, for some inexplicable reason I planted nasturtium seeds.

 

Shortly afterward, it occurred to me that that was a strange thing for a person to do who feared she might not survive. Would I live long enough to see those seeds sprout? Maybe even blossom?

 

Soon I was deeply moved by discovering that a seemingly insignificant activity—planting seeds—was an act of faith and hope for the future.

 

I clung to that tiny ray of hope day after day and, before long, nasturtiums began to bloom, and I was still alive, and the flowers were brilliant. Planting those seeds was a tiny but significant turning point for me—one of many.

 

Look at that green!

Let me tell you another beauty-from-ashes story. One day when my husband and I lived in eastern Washington, a wildfire raced through our part of the state, destroying mile after mile of crops, barns, farm equipment, and houses. In every direction, as far as we could see, the world was all ash.

 

But, to my surprise, a couple of days later I could see wee little green grasses sprouting up through the ruins. Mile after mile, I noted the lovely, hopeful green! My heart rejoiced! God had already begun the healing process. That, too, was a turning point for me.

 

What were your turning points, the pivotal moments?

Identify them as you write.

 

This next part is important:

Remember, your readers want to know

how you navigated

through your crisis

so they can do the same

when they go through their own unwelcome challenges.

 

They look to you as a role model.

 

You do that by including TAKEAWAYS for readers.

 

Do you remember what a takeaway is?

 

Next week we’ll cover takeaways. For now, work on your rough drafts, praying your way through the writing, and offering readers the gift of both mourning and thanksgiving.

 

Your story is going to be great! God is going to use it.

 

What can you offer readers about mourning AND thanksgiving?

 

Some of you remember a past Thanksgiving as a time of grieving. Heartache.

 

We tend to think of Thanksgiving as a joyous time, a warm time of enjoying loved ones and good food.

 

But memories of some Thanksgivings

might be just the opposite for you.

 

Perhaps a loved one was dying,

or you learned your cancer had returned.

Maybe someone dear to you committed suicide.

You lost your job.

Or your spouse left you.

Or an earthquake—

or hurricane or volcano or wildfire—

destroyed your town.

 

And now,

when Thanksgiving comes around each autumn,

you remember that season of sorrow.

And those memories hurt every time.

 

Five years ago this month, my daughter, son-in-law, and three grandkids somehow lived through an earth-shattering few weeks—along with hundreds of their friends and neighbors.

 

The Woolsey Fire started November 9, 2018, and burned for fourteen days, destroying almost 100,000 acres of the Santa Monica mountains and residential areas in Malibu along the Pacific Ocean. It would eventually destroy 1,643 structures.

 

Imagine them evacuating, driving away, fearing they’d never set eyes on their home again, wondering what could possibly remain of their close-knit community and of the church my son-in-law pastors. Imagine racing away, mile after mile, winds blowing flames out of control, and being overcome by enormous rolling clouds of smoke and ash.

 

No doubt you’ve experienced something

similarly destructive, emotionally or physically.

You know the ache, fear, alarm, hopelessness, panic.

 

And yet . . . And yet. . . .

 

Kaitlyn Bouchillon wrote of stepping into an unknown future, of having to “walk through what we never saw coming, walk among the ashes of what was or even, perhaps, will never be. . . .” (You know what that’s like.)

 

She wrote of shaky steps, unable to see more than one foot ahead, feet slipping. Of weariness, “slowly shuffling along for so long.”

 

And yet . . . looking back now,

Kaitlyn could see that was not the whole story.

 

Stacy L. Sanchez at Heartprints of God writes: “I have a question for you. What do you do when life doesn’t make sense? . . . When you are left with a million questions and not one single answer? What do you do?”

 

. . . “When we find ourself experiencing a trial or hardship, our humanness demands to know why. . . . Why me? . . . What did I do to deserve this? . . . Why would God allow this to happen? Why would a God of love let me suffer like this? Why didn’t God step in and do something to stop this?”

 

Stacy continues, “Our questioning only leads to feelings of confusion, anger, or despondency, not the answer we are so desperately seeking.

 

“. . . During a very low point in my life . . . day in and day out I kept pleading with [God] for an answer. I believed if I could just understand the ‘why’ behind what was happening, I would be able to deal with it, accept it, and move on.”

 

But, “God remained silent. For months I wrestled with my emotions and my God.”

 

What about you?

 

What do you remember

of being nearly paralyzed,

broken by an unwelcome blow?

You recognized life would never be the same again.

Wondered how you could live with the pain.

Feared the future.

Doubted you could keep placing one foot

in front of the other.

 

And God remained silent.

 

And yet, looking back now,

you recognize that was not the whole story.

 

Ponder that this week.

 

Your mind will be at work while you rake leaves

and bring woolens out of trunks

and stoke up the fireplace fire.

And while you plan your Thanksgiving menu.

Believe me, more and more details

will pop into your mind.

You still have time

before Thanksgiving’s hustle and bustle

to jot them down.

You’ll be glad you did,

and someday your friends and family

will thank you.

 

We’ll continue this next time—

because there’s so much more to your story.

 

For now,

be thinking about what you can offer your readers

about mourning—

 

but about more than that:

What can you also offer them

about thanksgiving—

about gratitude that eventually became

as life-changing

as the darkness?

Tuesday Tidbit: Your Thanksgiving memories for your memoir

 

Pay close attention to the smells of Thanksgiving: Turkey roasting in the oven. Stuffing, too. Logs burning in the fireplace. Pumpkin spice candles. Jot down those Thanksgiving smells now so you can include them later in your memoir.

 

What are the sounds of Thanksgiving? Guests visiting with one another. Your uncle sharpening the carving knife. Grandpa’s weak old voice blessing the food before the feast. Listen carefully and jot down Thanksgiving’s sounds now so you can include them later in your memoir.

 

What are the tastes of Thanksgiving? Cranberry sauce. Green bean casserole. Pumpkin pie. Mincemeat pie. Pay close attention and jot down Thanksgiving’s tastes now so you can include them later in your memoir.

 

What are the sights of Thanksgiving? Autumn leaves. Frost on the shrubs and trees outside. Aunt Sue with flour on her apron. Uncle John’s face lighting up when he walks in the door. Family members hugging each other. The way Grandma’s eyes light up when her great-grandchildren run in the front door. Pay close attention and jot down Thanksgiving sights now so you can include them later in your memoir.

 

What are the feels of Thanksgiving? The feel of your cousin’s coarse wool sweater when you give him a hug. The feel of Grandma’s fine linen napkins. The feel of a warm mug full of hot spiced cider. The feel of a full stomach. Pay close attention and jot down Thanksgiving textures and feels now so you can include them later in your memoir.

 

Sensory details: smell, sound, taste, sight, and touch. Take note of your Thanksgiving’s sensory details now so you can write them into your memoir later.

 

There you have it: Your Tuesday Tidbit.

 

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! And remember:

 

“Give God a standing ovation every day. . . . 

We won’t be happy until 

we can forget our problems long enough 

to look up to heaven and be stunned 

into heartfelt thanks 

for a life overflowing with goodness.”  

Mike Mason, Champagne for the Soul

 

Tuesday Tidbit: Praise and Thanksgiving

Write your memoir to carry out these verses: 

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!

His faithful love endures forever.

Who can list all the great things He has done?

Who can ever praise Him half enough?

Psalm 106:1-2

Thanksgiving memories: Who spurred you on?

Thanksgiving is a time to remember those who have encouraged you, believed in you, and spurred you on.

It’s a time to recognize people who trained you, challenged you, and influenced the direction of your life.

At this Thanksgiving time, think back: Who taught you about integrity and hard work and self-discipline?

Who inspired you spiritually and modeled what genuine faith looks like?

Who helped you find your way through the dark—took you by the hand, kept you moving forward, step by step, toward the light?

Who inspired you to become the very best you, to become all God intended for you to be?

Look back over the years

and recognize that

God Himself placed those people in your life.

When they touched you,

they were reaching out in God’s name,

extending His hand,

smiling His smile,

speaking His words of hope and peace.

That’s one of the ways that He,

in His unfailing love,

leads His own.

(Exodus 15:13)

Who comes to mind when you read these words?

You have stories about those key people in your life,

and only you can write them.

Those stories are important.

Someone else needs to read those stories.

Through them,

God can use you to touch others,

to reach out in His name,

extend His hand,

smile His smile,

speak His words of hope and peace.

That’s one of the ways that He,

in His unfailing love,

leads His own.

(Exodus 15:13)

Connect your story with God’s story—

not as a hobby,

but as a ministry.

Tuesday Tidbit: “Mourning and thanksgiving together”

Some of you are grieving this Thanksgiving season: This post is for you.

I pray Michelle Cushatt’s words will comfort you:

“Your grief doesn’t lessen your gratitude.

It transforms it.

Tears turn an ordinary, two-dimensional Thanksgiving table

into a complex and glorious altar.

Dying and living,

mourning and thanksgiving, together.

Holy, fragile, beautiful.”

Michelle Cushatt

And while you process all of the above during this Thanksgiving season, and when the time is right, consider writing your stories. Use your words, your thoughts, your discoveries—your memoir—to do what MaxLucado says:

On giving thanks: A remedy if you find yourself among the nine

If you find yourself among “the nine,” you can become “the one” by writing your memoir.

Confused? Read on.

On his way to Jerusalem, Jesus crossed paths with ten lepers—despised, cut off from society and loved ones, lonely, suffering, and desperate for healing.

They cried to him, “Have mercy on us!”

And he did. He healed them.

Then they all took off—we can imagine their joy!—but one man turned around, fell on his knees, and said thank you.

No doubt the man’s gratitude touched Jesus’ heart, but he couldn’t help but wonder, aloud, “Ten men were healed. Where are the nine others? Where is their thanks?”

Jesus seemed hurt, disappointed, maybe even stunned by their ingratitude.

Ouch!

How many times have you and I failed to thank God for what He has done for us? So often, when we get through something difficult or scary, we simply wheeze, “Whew!” and get on with life. Where’s our gratitude?

Could it be that we crush God’s heart when we fail to thank Him? That He’s disappointed at our ingratitude? Maybe even stunned?

Don’t be “one of the nine.” Be “the one” who deliberately says thanks.

How?

By writing your memoir. Write it as a book full of falling on your knees in gratitude.

Your memoir can include all kinds of interesting, entertaining, humorous, and even wild and crazy stories about everyday stuff—

childhood escapades,

dating,

friendship,

family times,

schooling,

athletics,

adventures,

travel,

falling in love,

raising kids,

homemaking,

careers,

finances,

hobbies,

ministries,

practical jokes,

health (or poor health),

setbacks,

surprises,

death of loved ones,

answered prayers,

—and in all those stories, you can include gratitude and thanksgiving to God.

So, gather your memories and write your stories!

Tuesday Tidbit: Your Thanksgiving stories

What stories come to mind when you read this verse?

Have you written them into your memoir?

If not, jot down a few notes to yourself

and think about them for a day or so.

Your mind will work on your stories while you rake leaves

and bring woolens out of trunks

and stoke up the fireplace fire.

Believe me, more and more details will pop into your mind.

Jot them down in your rough draft.

You still have time before Thanksgiving’s busyness begins

to write a rough draft of your stories.  

You’ll be glad you did,

and your friends and family will thank you.

Tuesday Tidbit: Remembering and thanking

This past week we all focused on 

the many reasons we have to give thanks, 

so think about this:

Writing your God-and-you stories 

is one way to thank Him 

for all He has done for you and your family.

Extend and expand your gratitude:

Write your stories!

Your stories: An act of worship

Have you read 1 Chronicles 16 lately? If not, take a few minutes to read it below—you’ll be glad you did!

Notice how you can almost hear trumpets sounding and bells ringing and angels singing.

In this chapter, David gave Asaph and his fellow Levites a song of thanksgiving to God. He said:

Give thanks to the Lord, call upon his name;

make known…what he has done.

Sing to him, sing praise to him; tell of all his wonderful acts….

Remember the wonders he has done….

Declare his glory...his marvelous deeds….

For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise….

Splendor and majesty are before him;

strength and joy in his dwelling place.

Ascribe to the Lord...the glory due his name.

Bring an offering before him;

worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness....

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;

his love endures forever.

                                                                          

And when David finished, “Then all the people shouted ‘Amen’ and ‘Praise the Lord.’” What a worship service! I wish I could have stood among that congregation.

And as if that’s not enough—what’s even more exciting

is that we are doing the same things in our memoirs! 

In our stories,

we are telling others the wonders God has done

and his marvelous deeds on our behalf.

In our memoir stories, we are declaring his glory.

In the process, we are “singing” praise to him,

“Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise!”

One sentence grabbed hold of my heart: “Bring an offering before him; worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness.”

I encourage you to lift up to God (1) your process of writing and (2) your finished stories—lift them up to God as your offering to him.

And hand your stories to your readers as an offering to the Lord, too. Do it as an act of worshiping him in the splendor of his holiness. What a privilege we have to honor God in this way.

And we, the writers, together with our readers, 

shout, Amen! And Praise the Lord!

Thanksgiving memories for your memoir

What stories come to mind when you read this verse?

Have you written them into your memoir?

If not, jot down a few notes to yourself

and set them aside for now.

Promise yourself

you'll come back when you have time

and put those stories into writing.

Your family and friends

will thank you.

Thanksgiving memories: Who spurred you on?

Thanksgiving is a time to remember those who have encouraged you, believed in you, and spurred you on.

It’s a time to recognize people who trained you, challenged you, and influenced the direction of your life.

Who taught you about integrity and hard work and self-discipline?

At this Thanksgiving time, think back: Who inspired you spiritually and modeled what a genuine faith looks like?

Who helped you find your way through the dark—took you by the hand, kept you moving forward, step by step, toward the light?

Who inspired you to become the very best you, to become all God intended for you to be?

This is important:

Look back over the years

and recognize that

God Himself placed those people in your life.

When they touched you,

they were reaching out in God’s name,

extending His hand,

smiling His smile,

speaking His words of hope and peace.

That's one of the ways that He,

in His unfailing love,

leads His own.

Who comes to mind when you read these words?

You have stories about key people in your life,

and only you can write them.

They are important.

Someone needs to read those stories.

Through your stories,

God can use you to touch others,

to reach out in His name,

extend His hand,

smile His smile,

speak His words of hope and peace.

That's one of the ways that He,

in His unfailing love,

leads His own.

Connect your story with God’s story—

not as a hobby but as a ministry.

Related posts:

Who are the key people in your life?  

On fluttering flames and rekindling sparks