Tuesday Tidbit: Inviting others to the dance

Writing your memoir can help you step beyond your grief.

And when it does,

use your words 

to invite others to join in “the larger dance.”

“… As we dance, we realize that

we don’t have to stay on the little spot of our grief,

but we can step beyond it.

We stop centering our lives on ourselves.

We pull others along with us

and invite them into the larger dance.

We learn to make room for others—

and the Gracious Other in our midst.

And when we become present to God and God’s people,

we find ourselves richer.

We come to know that all the world is our dance floor.

Our step grows lighter because God has called others to dance as well….”

Henri Nouwen, Turn My Mourning into Dancing

May your step grow lighter because

“God has called out others to dance as well,”

and He has invited you to play a role in that.

Your stories about mothers and motherhood

What can you write—or should you write—about your mother? Or the mother of your children? Or about being a mother yourself?

All of us have stories about mothers and if we’ll make time to put them in writing, our families will be all the richer for them.

Yes, our families will be all the richer for them. Take in Bruce Feiler’s message:

“What is the secret sauce that holds a family together? What are the ingredients that make some families effective, resilient, happy?”

In researching those questions, Feiler says, “a surprising theme emerged. The single most important thing you can do for your family may be the simplest of all: develop a strong family narrative.”

His research showed that the more children know of their family’s stories, the more they demonstrate emotional health and happiness and the more resilient they are when faced with challenges.

If you’ve followed this blog for a while, you know that when I read those words I hollered, “Yessss! That’s why we write memoirs!” 

Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

Through research, Feiler discovered God was on the right track when He told us to tell our kids and grandkids what we’ve seen Him do for us (Deuteronomy 4:9; 6:5-9; 6:20-25). Their research verifies Jesus knew what he was talking about when he said, “Go tell your family what the Lord has done for you” (Mark 5:19). (Read more at The secret sauce)

Feiler concludes, “Bottom line: if you want a happier family, create, refine, and retell the story of your family’s positive moments and the ability to bounce back from the difficult ones. That act alone may increase the odds that your family will thrive for many generations to come.” (“The Stories That Bind Us,” New York Times)

So, since this is the week of Mother's Day, write stories about your mother or a mother you know or your own motherhood. Such stories are important.

I’ve assembled the following quotes to stir up memories from years ago, quotes to inspire you to get out a pen and paper, or sit down at your computer, and start writing:

“From my mother did I enter this world and from my loins did my children arrive and there is a bond between us mothers that holds generations and families together. There are recipes and stories and birthing and bathing and it’s more powerful than spider’s silk….” (Amanda Hill, “Ode to Mothers”)

“A mother is neither cocky, nor proud, because she knows the school principal may call at any minute to report that her child had just driven a motorcycle through the gymnasium.” (Mary Kay Blakely)

“I believe it is impossible to overestimate the power a boy feels and the influence it has in his life when he looks at his Mother and sees that she has seen him, has looked into his soul and found something there that makes her glow.” (Randall Wallace, Living the Braveheart Life)  

“All that I am, or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” (Abraham Lincoln)

“I am stretched and tired and fearful. I am wild and brave and broken. My closet has a sense of humor and clothes in every size. I have danced circles into the midnight carpet… rocked restless babies, cut baby curls, snipped fingernails…. I have tripped on Legos, stepped on scooters, slept on bottom bunks, and strung yards of white, twinkling lights above the heads of two blonde brothers afraid of the dark and their bad dreams…. I am overwhelmed, infatuated, love struck and completely unhinged. Especially on the nights they bring in wild flowers and all the every-loving mud in the world….” (Lisa-Jo Baker, “The (real life) dictionary definition of ‘Mother’”)  

“From the time they take their first step, it’s a battle of emotions… cheering them on as they move forward, taking a piece of you farther away with every step. The sleepless nights, the hours of school work at the kitchen table and the fevered afternoons, cool washrag pressed to hot forehead. Who can ever sum up the job description of ‘Mother?’ And all this, when they never belong to us in the first place. Ultimately, the job of a mother is to make herself obsolete.”  (E.P. Hale, “The Leadership Influence of Mothers”)

“The influence of a mother’s leadership may not earn worldly awards, accolades or prestige. But one thing we can be sure of … it makes a difference, maybe even all the difference.” ( E.P. Hale “The Leadership Influence of Mothers”)

“Behind all your stories is always your mother’s story, because hers is where yours began.” (Mitch Albom)

“A mother has a way of seeing through your ugly, and always bearing your burdens. She prays hard and makes you feel that there is love in the universe when you can’t see it and a beating heart when you can’t hear it and consistency in her acceptance even when you feel lost or thrown away…. And she reminds you that God redeems, and we must always forgive, and everything we do must be rooted in kindness.” (Amanda Hill, “Ode to Mothers”)   

“I know of no more permanent imprint on a life than the one made by mothers.... More than any statesman or teacher, more than any minister or physician, more than any film star, athlete, business person, author, scientist, civic leader, entertainer, or military hero ... you are the most influential person in your child's life.  

“There would never have been an Isaac without a Sarah, a Moses without a Jachobed, a Samuel without a Hannah.... 

“And so, mothers, don't ever forget the permanence of your imprint. The kids may seem ungrateful, they may act irresponsible, they may even ignore your reminders and forget your advice these days. But believe this: They cannot erase your influence.” (Chuck Swindoll, “The Greatest Influence”)

Happy Mother's Day! 

Tuesday Tidbit: Make something happen inside your readers

Here’s your Tuesday Tidbit,

your 15 seconds of inspiration:

While writing and rewriting and editing and polishing your memoir,

keep your readers in mind.

Write for them.

What do readers need from you?

Take in Annie Dillard’s words about what readers need:

“Why are we reading,

 if not in hope of beauty laid bare,

life heightened,

and its deepest mystery probed?...

Why are we reading

if not in hope that the writer will

magnify and dramatize our days,

will illuminate and inspire us with wisdom, courage,

and the possibility of meaning,

and will press upon our minds the deepest mysteries,

so we may feel again their majesty and power?” 

Annie Dillard

What do you want to make happen 

inside the people who read your memoir?

Your “Sacred Stories of the Ordinary”

“Invisible Lines of Connection: Sacred stories of the ordinary.”

Those words zing me, those “Aha!” words penned by Lawrence Kushner.

I marvel at those words combined that way. They stretch my awareness of God and of life—and of myself and my family.

I applaud their meaning.

Those words capture the purpose—the heart—of spiritual memoirs.

Writing a memoir includes looking back, pondering, sorting out, reflecting, mulling, examining, unraveling, looking for deeper meanings and patterns and threads.

In doing so, you discover that from one generation to the next to the next, God arranges “invisible lines of connection.” In your everyday moments, He writes “sacred stories of the ordinary.”

“Reverence before heaven. Amazing grace.” Kushner writes. “It is a way of understanding your place within Creation.… When viewed from a point of high enough vantage, everything is revealed to be in the hands of God…,” (Invisible Lines of Connection: Sacred Stories of the Ordinary; emphasis mine). 

God’s presence and His holy, invisible, connecting lines in your life have been there all along, since before your birth.

Try to take this in: God includes you in His sacred stories that span the centuries.

“You are a story,” writes Dan Allender. “You are not merely the possessor and teller of a number of stores; you are a well-written, intentional story that is authored by the greatest Writer of all time, and even before time and after time.

“The weight of these words,” Allender continues, “… will call you to a level of coauthorship that is staggering in its scope and meaning” (To Be Told).

You are part of God’s divine story.

You began with a plan God wrote:

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope” (Jeremiah 29:11, NLT).

“The Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forever more” (Psalm 121:8, NIV).

You discover sacred stories of the ordinary, Kushner says, “just beneath the surface.…”

You might think you live an inconspicuous, unremarkable life but, through the generations, God has been writing His sacred stories through you and your family’s ordinary events.

Grandpa, my cousins, and me.

Search for ways God has watched over your ancestors’ coming and going because through those people and events God was preparing for, and then shaping, you.

The beginning of our story on earth “seldom coincides with our birth. Our story begins,” says Allender, “with the characters who gave us birth, including their past relationships with their parents and issues such as success and shame; power and abuse; love, loss, and addiction; heartache and secrets.… We owe our existence to the generations that came before us. Our beginning, which took place before we were born, signals some of the themes that will play out in our life.”

So then, track sacred connections around you.

Look for broader, deeper significance hidden in everyday moments.

Ask God to give you glimpses of His hand-written, just-beneath-the-surface stories.

And then ponder this: 

You are the bridge God has placed between your family’s generations past and generations yet to come.

Your stories matter.

Your stories can make a difference.

Stories guide, inspire, encourage, influence, motivate, and empower.

Stories heal.

Stories shape lives.

Your stories can help mold the lives of children, nieces, nephews, grandchildren, and generations yet unborn.

“Sometimes a particular story, or version of a story, is so potent,” says Ayd Instone, and “becomes so interwoven in our lives that it defines the direction our life story takes and modifies behavior...” (emphasis mine).

Your stories are important. Write them for generations yet to come.

“Write what should not be forgotten.”

Isabel Allende

Adapted from a post of April 18, 2012

“Through us, with us, in spite of us”

Your Tuesday Tidbit, your 15 seconds of inspiration:

“For such a long time, I felt my story wasn’t important….

I didn’t know who my story had made me….

But exhuming it, the healing had been profound,

pulling from the ashes of charred memories….

And the things I’ve discovered have been treasures….

Through writing I’ve discovered that…

protecting and preserving our stories

is about discovering God’s story.

What he did through us, with us, in spite of us,

continually pursuing that story

is a matter of faithfulness and obedience,

to become aware and invest in this life he’s given.

To speak its life-affirming power

in proper words and context,

it can be the delight of our lives,

an endless source of inspiration.”

Mick Silva

“Look where you have not had the heart to look before”

“Every once in a while, life can be very eloquent. 

You go along from day to day

not noticing very much,

not seeing or hearing very much,

and then all of a sudden, when you least expect it,

very often something speaks to you 

with such power

that it catches you off guard,

makes you listen whether you want to or not.

Something speaks to you out of your own life

with such directness

that it is as if it calls you by name and forces you to look

where you have not had the heart to look before,

to hear something that maybe for years

you have not had the wit or the courage to hear.”

(Frederick Buechner, Secrets in the Dark, 

emphasis mine)

Writing your memoir can be like that: Within the reflecting and pondering and exploring and decoding, something pops up, something breaks you right open and “forces you to look where you have not had the heart to look before.” You can no longer ignore it, hoping it will disappear. You know in your heart of hearts that you can’t turn away. You’ve arrived at a defining moment.

If, in writing your memoir, you unexpectedly "hear something that maybe for years you have not had the wit or the courage to hear," recognize that God is doing something profound.

Set aside time and make a serious effort to listen for God’s still small voice. Be willing to do some soul-searching. God can help you make sense of it and make peace with it. He can give you a new outlook on life, new purpose, new opportunities.

Initially you might not welcome that process, but it can be good and valuable—if you give God your undivided attention for as long as it takes. 

By breaking you open, God can help you break through to a higher, wider, deeper place of faith and joy in Him.

God can open your eyes to see events and relationships in new ways. He can give you a more accurate understanding of His love for you: You are beloved and secure in Him (Deuteronomy 33:12), He takes great delight in you, quiets you in His love, and rejoices over you with singing (Zephaniah 3:17) .

Getting there can be a long and painful process, but if you stick with God and search Scriptures and listen and pray, He can shine light on your darkness, He can give you a new song to sing.

Listen to the words of dear David, the psalmist:

I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,

            and he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the pit of despair,

            out of the mud and the mire.

He set my feet on solid ground

            and steadied me as I walked along.

He has given me a new song to sing,

            a hymn of praise to our God. 
(Psalm 40:1-3, NLT)

When that happens—when God brings you to that good, new place—write the rest of your memoir. Consider it—your memoir—your new song of praise.

“It is through memory that we are able to reclaim much of our lives that we have long since written off by finding that in everything that has happened to us over the years God was offering us possibilities of new life and healing, which, though we may have missed them at the time, we can … be brought to life by and healed by all these years later.” (Frederick Buechner, Telling Secrets, emphasis mine.)

So, marvel at God’s goodness. Cherish His grace.

Use your memoir to:

Sing a new song to the Lord!...

Publish his glorious deeds….

Tell everyone about the amazing things he does.

(Psalm 96:1-3, NLT)

Tuesday Tidbit: Write now, fix later

“… [R]emember that whatever you have written 

is neither as good nor as bad as you think it is. 

Just keep going, 

and tell yourself that you will fix it later.” 

Jane Smiley

Pat yourself on the back for what you have already written.

But remember:

The clock is ticking.

Be intentional about writing your memoir.

Focus.

Resolve to finish writing your memoir.

Persevere.

And pray!

There you have it, your 15 seconds of inspiration,

your Tuesday Tidbit.