Growing old: the silly side

Old people’s stories, I suspect, proffer more oomph than young people’s stories.  

They share richer wisdom.

Send more potent messages.

Tug stronger on hearts.

They offer valuable lessons for all of us—stories that would bless our kids and grandkids and great-grandkids—if we’d just write them.

What stories can you write about becoming elderly?

Keep in mind that growing old is a touchy subject.

Kenny Rogers nailed it when he said, 

“Growing older is not upsetting; 

being perceived as old is.”

If you’re my age, you know the surprise—the dismay, hurt, sadness—of being perceived as “old.” I guess there are two reasons for that. (1) Young people assume being an old-timer is a negative thing, and (2) you don’t consider yourself an old-timer anyway.

Harsh words, these: old as Methuselah, old as the hills, older than dirt, old fogy, past one’s prime, aged, antiquated, hoary, tottering, feeble of mind and foot….

But we are so much more than those words! Oh, yes, we are.

So, shake up your readers a little. Challenge their preconceived notions of being old. 

Plan on writing several vignettes and remember to do this for your readers: “Make ‘em cry, make ‘em laugh, make ‘em wait” (Wilkie Collins). But start with something funny.

Humor endears you to your reader.

Funniness makes you seem real. You are no longer a vague author lurking in shadows. Instead, your reader has spent a happy time with you and, as a result, she likes you. He wants to know you better.

Laughter is a universal language, a common connector, a shared experience.

Somehow, laughing together earns you a right to be heard later, when you and your readers need to consider the serious stuff.

Humor can lighten the mood when writing about heavy topics—and old age has its heartaches. Humor can provide much-needed perspective and balance.

So, start with something funny, or at least amusing, about growing old. Make ‘em laugh.

Perhaps your grandkids think of you as an important businessman or a dignified pastor or a very proper little old lady. But do they know about your funny side? Practical jokes you pulled? Outrageous hilarity?

Here are a few smile-worthy quotes I’ve collected over the years. Perhaps they’ll give you ideas for your “old fogy” vignettes.

“I believe you should live every day as if it’s your last. That is why I don’t have any clean laundry—because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of her life?!”  (Cathy Ladman)

“‘Old’ is when your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.” (Phyllis Diller)

“I got my doctor's permission to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotard on, the class was over.” (author unknown)

“Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, ‘Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.’ Her friend glared at her.  For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.  Finally she said, ‘How soon do you need to know?’” (author unknown)

“You know you’re getting old when someone tells you your pantyhose are wrinkled and you aren’t wearing any.”  (author unknown)

“I had to give up jogging for my health. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire.”  (Roseanne Barr)

“Mid-life women no longer have upper arms; we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts; we are flying squirrels….” (author unknown)

“Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.” (author unknown)

Surprise your readers. Give them a chuckle. Maybe you need to shake them up and change how they view elderly people those enjoying their golden years.

Write your stories on old age and, in at least one vignette, make ‘em laugh.

If you’re still a young ’un, what have you learned by watching friends, colleagues, or loved ones get on in years? Have they surprised you? How have they role-modeled for you that old people can still be young at heart, even comical?

Your stories are important. They can be anchors for your kids, grandkids, and great-grands as they help loved ones through old age—and as they face aging themselves someday.

Celebrating Jessica's memoir, Part Two

Today we continue celebrating with Jessica Errico on the release of her memoir, 

The Mother Gap.

(Click this link for Part One of our Q & A with Jessica.)

How long have you been writing? What kinds of training did you receive?

Writing has always been in my DNA.  Since elementary school, I have dabbled in writing stories, mostly drawing from personal experience. In sixth grade, when I desperately wanted my ears pierced and was waiting on my parents’ permission, I wrote an essay about a caterpillar that wanted the same.

Later, in college, I concentrated on art and psychology. It wasn’t until I was a mother of two young children that I got serious about studying the craft of writing. It seemed the perfect creative outlet for me while the kids were napping, and my “creative juices” didn’t involve making a mess!

Have you attended writers’ conferences? Do you belong to a critique group? If so, what do you find most helpful about them?

Back in the mid-eighties, my husband encouraged me to invest in my writing. I was invited to join a Christian critique group on Bainbridge Island, Washington, that provided accountability for me. What a privilege to share my writing with other sisters in Christ! Due to my association with Elaine Colvin and Kay Stewart, I learned of opportunities to submit my writing and had a couple of devotionals published.

During those years, I attended writers’ conferences in Warm Beach, Washington, and even traveled to California to attend one at Biola University. Those were enjoyable, intense events, where I assimilated lots of information and attended workshops to learn about writing as a craft.

Tell us about your published devotionals.

I was fortunate to have wonderful contacts in the local writing community. For example, I learned that Mary Beckwith was compiling an anthology of devotionals geared to women contracted by Regal Books. I submitted devotionals that were published in the first and second anthologies: Still Moments and Songs from the Heart. My humble writings were printed alongside others by Shirley Dobson, Edith Schaeffer, and Gloria Gaither. I was thrilled! Payment was in the form of free books and a sense of accomplishment. These may be out of print, but they are on my bookshelf!

Jessica, you’ll be glad to know I found both devotionals for sale through Amazon. For our friends here at SM 101, I’ve included titles and links for both:

Sing a New Song: Inspirations from the Heart

Still Moments: Practical Devotions for Today’s Busy Women

Do you have a writing routine?

Now that my book is finished, I don’t have a fixed routine. Yet, while writing my memoir, it took precedence along with my commitment to Bible Study Fellowship. I forced myself to invest several hours a day typing at the computer.

What were the hardest parts of getting your memoir to publication? Did you ever want to give up? If so, what kept you going?

The sheer discipline of writing it was the most difficult part for me. Yes, there were times I wanted to give up, months when I didn’t write a word. But I knew God had called me to write my story, and I always came back to it. Plugging away at one chapter at a time helped me not to be discouraged by the enormity of the project. And I think it’s essential to have a couple of encouragers who will pray for you along the way.

I also struggled with how to format my story—whether to break it into sections for readability—and what kind of theme would pull it together for the reader. These were big unknowns and I really wrestled with them. I committed to listening for God to show me how to do it. He used unsolicited comments, the books of others, and even a movie to give me little nudges.

Then I had to decide whether to pursue the traditional publishing route, or to self-publish. After much hand wringing, I opted to assume the financial risk of self-publishing in order to get my message out more quickly.

If you had it to do over again, what would you do differently about writing and/or publishing your memoir?

Not to beat myself up for being inconsistent with a writing schedule.

What hope can you offer memoirists struggling to finish their stories?

Don’t give up! If you need some encouragement to stick with it, share a section with a trusted friend, or another committed memoirist. Sometimes it just takes a quick pat on the back, or nod of approval, to keep going. Remember, our stories can bring glory to God and hope to others.

Tell our SM 101 group about specific activities you’re doing to market/publicize your book. What advice can you give to those who have not yet published?

The fun has just begun! I need to remind myself, as well as your readers, that we can meet the challenges of marketing with an upbeat attitude, perseverance, and grace. I’m currently sending off samples to chain bookstores in hopes they’ll carry it in their inventories, and I’m looking forward to scheduling author book signings as well. It was a surprise to hear of so many folks purchasing my book in an E-book format!

Would you like to write another book?

I’m thinking about writing another memoir about how, in answer to my neediness, God gave me the sweet unconditional love of my husband.

How can we buy The Mother Gap: A Daughter’s Search for Connection?

The softcover is available through me (jcerrico72@gmail.com) for $15 (which includes shipping), and you can use Paypal; or on Amazon. Kindle and Nook versions are also available.

Thanks, Jessica, for your interview, and again, congratulations on publishing your memoir. Flannery O’Connor said, “When the book leaves your hands, it belongs to God,” and I know you’re eager to see all He will do to hearten and heal others through your story. Bless you for the hard work you put into it.

Bionic and bilingual, author Jessica Errico is passionate about people, art and writing. Her travels throughout the United States, Europe, and parts of Mexico, have given her a rich appreciation for natural beauty, cultural traditions, and spiritual heritage. Educated at Dickinson College in Carlisle, PA., she has worn many hats: art gallery manager, full-time mom, newspaper columnist, worship leader, and director of a pregnancy care center, to name a few. Her favorite titles are: wife, mother and grandmother! 

When not preparing for her Bible Study class, Jessica loves to read, write, scrapbook and spend time with friends.  An avid Qwirkle player, she enjoys sweet fellowship with those who also cherish the Lord!

Be sure to check out Jessica’s blog, Mother Daughter Tango.

Congrats to Jessica Errico on publishing The Mother Gap

Congratulations to Jessica Errico on publishing her memoir, The Mother Gap, her story of trying to connect with her alcoholic mother.

“All of my life, I yearned for a loving relationship with my mother,” Jessica told me recently.

“When there is a lack of maternal affirmation and approval, a daughter can grow up emotionally needy. Add the inevitable fall-out of alcoholism in a family, and the ensuing emotional scares can seem overwhelming.”

Here’s what Jessica shared with me in a recent Q & A:

At what point did you realize you needed to tell your story?

Decades passed before I knew I had to write my story. The first urges to write were driven by pain and anger. Thankfully, I didn’t embark on this memoir until I had experienced healing in our relationship. The hard work started after Mom passed into heaven; that’s when I felt I had something significant to say.

Who is your reading audience?

The Mother Gap will appeal to daughters and mothers, ages 18 to 89, who experience pain and discord in their relationships; and to the family and friends who love them.

What can readers expect to find in your memoir? What’s the most important message you want to leave with them?

In The Mother Gap, readers will experience my journey as I attempt to forge a bridge to my mother. They will discover how the love of God was able to heal one daughter’s battered heart, and be encouraged to trust Christ for reconciliation in their own relationships.

I’m calling my book a “ministry memoir” because I’ve included “Bridging the GAP” questions (at the end of each chapter), to be used for personal reflection or group study. Truly, Jesus is able to heal hearts that open up to Him. By choosing to forgive, as He has forgiven us, we can finally lay hold of peace and contentment.

What did you learn about yourself from reflecting on the past, something you hadn’t realized before?

           

I realized anew just how much I need a Savior! It was sobering to remember just how much resentment and bitterness I carried for decades. I needed forgiveness just as much as I needed to forgive.

What did you discover about others and about God that you wouldn’t have recognized if you hadn’t taken time to look back and to write your memoir?

In the process of writing, I had the opportunity to truly reflect on the tangible ways God loves us! In reviewing my mother’s life, and my relationship with her, I was able to clearly see God’s Hand of provision and protection. I realized how many times He wove good things into our lives, and I am able to worship Him with increased thankfulness!

How has writing your memoir changed you? What different person are you today after having written your memoir?

Finishing my memoir brought an inner release I cannot adequately describe. Perhaps it was the task of honestly assessing the past, coupled with my goal to encourage others, that led me to let go of what I couldn’t fix, and better depend on my Redeemer.

How can we buy The Mother Gap?

The softcover is available through me (jcerrico72@gmail.com) for $15 (which includes shipping, and you can use Paypal), or on Amazon. Kindle and Nook versions are also available.

Next week: More about Jessica’s training, her writing practices, the publication process, marketing, and encouragement to others writing memoirs.

Bionic and bilingual, author Jessica Errico is passionate about people, art, and writing. Her travels throughout the United States, Europe, and Mexico have given her a rich appreciation for natural beauty, cultural traditions, and spiritual heritage. Educated at Dickinson College in Carlisle, PA, she has worn many hats: art gallery manager, full-time mom, newspaper columnist, worship leader, and director of a pregnancy care center, to name a few. Her favorite titles are: wife, mother and grandmother!

When not preparing for her Bible Study class, Jessica loves to read, write, scrapbook, and spend time with friends. An avid Qwirkle player, she enjoys sweet fellowship with those who also cherish the Lord!

Be sure to check out Jessica’s blog, Mother Daughter Tango.

Writing your memoir: a way to worship

“Our present enjoyment of God’s grace

tends to be lessened

by the memory of yesterday’s sins and blunders.

But God is the God of our yesterdays,

and He allows the memory of them

to turn the past into a

ministry of spiritual growth for our future.”

(Oswald Chambers; emphasis mine)

I would add to that, “and a ministry for those who hear our stories.”

Your stories might be more important than you realize. They can help others know and experience that God, in his elaborate grace,

heals the brokenhearted,

proclaims freedom for captives,

releases prisoners from darkness,

comforts all who mourn,

provides for those who grieve,

bestows a crown of beauty instead of ashes,

gladness instead of mourning,

praise instead of despair,

for the display of His splendor. 

(Isaiah 61:1-3)

Write your stories: 

Tell others how God has done such things for you. 

He can use your words to bless and encourage others.

Use your writing and your memoir 

to honor God. 

Offer them up to Him as a fragrant offering.

Sprinkle gold coins in the middle

Your stories are important. But will anyone read them? All the way through? A few gold nuggets could make it happen.

Your potential readers have countless distractions and they all compete with your memoir.

Just think of it: the Internet, iPhones, movies, athletics, TV, hobbies, texting, exercising, magazines, Twitter, Facebook, friends, chores, other people’s books—and more.

Twenty-some years ago, I read one brief sentence I’ve always remembered:

“No story has a divine right to be read.”

(Peter Jacobi)

You cannot force anyone to read your stories, no matter how important they are. 

You know what it’s like to sit down with a book or magazine anticipating—even craving—a good read, only to be bored.

And you know very well that story does not have a divine right to be read. You feel no hesitation in dropping it and looking for something better to read.

You don’t want readers to do that with your stories. What can you do?

First, hook them with a killer lead.

Throughout your manuscript, make ‘em laugh, cry, and wait.

Your stories are important. To keep readers reading, pay special attention to the middle of your stories.

Keep them reading by “placing gold coins along the path.”

Don Fry coined that phrase. It goes something like this:

Picture yourself making your way down a narrow path in a thick forest. (I’m picturing one with tangled, soggy underbrush in western Washington’s rain forest.) You’ve been hiking a mile when you spot a gold coin on the ground. You snatch it up and put it in your pocket. You trek a mile deeper into the woods, find another gold coin, and slip it into your pocket. Think about it: Would you keep traipsing through the forest, hoping for another gold coin? Sure! Most of us would hike another mile for another gold coin. (from Writing Tools, Roy Peter Clark)

“Think of a gold coin as any bit that rewards the reader,” says Roy Peter Clark, a master teacher of writing and one of my favorite mentors for decades.

“With no gold coins for motivation, the reader may drift out of the forest.”

Don’t let them drift out of your forest!

Don’t let their interest fade! Scatter gold coins especially in the middle of your stories!

Even the old Bard himself, Shakespeare, gave out gold coins in the middle of his plays.

Clark offers these ideas for developing “dramatic and comic high points,” gold coins to drop within your stories:

• a small scene (the setting)
• a relevant anecdote
• a startling fact
• a significant quotation

I can think of other ideas:

• a quirky anecdote
• a little-known fact
• an intriguing historical fact
• foreshadowing an important twist or turning point or crossroads in your story
• raising a question
• Can you think of others? Leave your ideas in the comments section below.

In his Writing Tools: 50 essential strategies for every writer, Clark offers practical recommendations:

• Study other people’s writing and movies for strategic placement of gold coins.
• If you’re doing research for your stories, recognize gold coins when you stumble upon them and be sure to use them in your stories.
• Examine one of your rough drafts and notice gold coins—“any story element that shines”—and mark them with a star. Note their placement. Are they in the best place?
• Study the middle of your story. Does it include significant gold coins—rewards for your readers? If not, write in some nuggets or move them from other parts of your manuscript.

Related posts:

Jesus replied with a story

Inspiration to keep you writing

Your stories are important

Leads

Leads, part 2 

Leads, part 3

Leads, part 4 

Make‘em wait

Our dysfunctional families 

The “secret sauce”

"Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished?"

“Someday, I will die, and all the [books] I dreamed of writing will die with me,” writes Joe Bunting.  

“Can anything be sadder than work left unfinished?”

Christina Rossetti

Sometimes we memoirists get stuck—distracted, uninspired—and we set aside our writing.

Nagging thoughts break through sometimes and remind us we should write, but we stall, we make excuses.

Is that where you are this week?

When you and I get into a slump, first we need to congratulate ourselves on what we have already written!

Next, we need to ask ourselves, Do I want to write my memoir? Do I want to do this for my kids and grandkids and great-grandkids?

If you do, get out one of your rough drafts. Read it aloud. That alone should motivate you to revise for clarity, to add, delete, rearrange, and polish.

Victoria Costello offers this advice for getting un-stuck:

Get off the Internet. Give yourself a time limit for checking email and Facebook and all those other enticing sites.

Post your deadline above your desk. Hold yourself accountable.

Small steps are better than no steps. “… Remember that a memoir is simply a string of personal vignettes. Take small steps and focus on finishing one sentence, one paragraph, and one vignette at a time.”

Borrow juice from other writers. Victoria suggest reading “anthologies of writerly inspiration.” She says, “Reading someone else’s excellent writing inspires the writer in me to get over myself and try some of my own.” (from The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Writing a Memoir, by Victoria Costello)

Joe Bunting asks himself, “…What books must I complete to die satisfied?”

He asks all of us, “What books do you want to write before you die? …”

The clock is ticking.

Focus.

Be intentional.

Be disciplined.

Resolve to make at least a little progress: Set daily or weekly goals.

Persevere.

Pray!

Finish!

Disclaimer: For review purposes, I received a free copy of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Writing a Memoir.

The power and potential of your words

Words are curious things—merely a series of sounds strung together.

Some words sound strange—even hilarious—words like shtick, onomatopoeia, and algorithm—but each has significance, meaning.

Other languages include weird sounds, too, like clicks and whistles.

In one language group (in Brazil, as I recall), the alphabet includes a sound people make by flinging their tongues out and touching their chins. (I can’t imagine dinnertime conversations! Yikes!)

No matter how odd, those sounds have significance, they mean something to those who speak them and those who hear them.

Have you ever considered how special it is to have the use of words?

Birds don’t have words. Dogs don’t have words. Whales don’t have words. They make a handful of sounds, but they can communicate only a few basic messages.

Humans, on the other hand, have thousands of words:

The Oxford English Dictionary includes a quarter of a million distinct words. And just think—they are ours to use! 

David Powlison estimates a person says around 20,000 words a day, give or take a few. (Speaking Truth In Love, from book description.)

We have more than spoken words: We have written words—merely shapes and scratches on a paper, or black squiggles on a computer screen.

In today’s world, there are 7,105 living languages—they’re still in use—and 696 of them have no written form. Did you know?

Just think how special it is that we have the use of written words. We mustn’t take for granted the impact, the power, the potential of those little black squiggles.

The words we chose, the way we string them together, the sounds they make—they matter, they  make a difference. 

Words, both spoken and written, express feelings, ideas, and concepts.

Words entertain, comfort, warn, charm, redirect, frighten, inspire, guide, inform, challenge, enlighten.

Words can roar. Words can whisper.

They create scenery, make a heart race, conjure up tastes, cause laughter—and tears, surround with fragrance, recreate textures and touches. 

Words are powerful. They can make a person swoon, melt: “I love you. Will you marry me?”

Words delight, thrill: “It’s a boy!” or “It’s a girl!” or “You won!” or “You’re hired!”

Words can destroy, cripple: “I hate you and I never want to see you again,” or “You’re a failure and you’ll never amount to anything.”

Words can discourage, humiliate and defeat, but words can also build up and heal and encourage.

Words can wound, but they can also restore and nurture.

Words matter. My words matter. Your words matter.

Words have a lasting impact.

Let’s use our words carefully.

Let’s use our words for good.