Mother Goes Gaga

You’ll get a kick out of Sharon Lippincott’s essay about her mother. Perhaps it will stir up your own memories of infatuation and heartthrob.

Sharon is a lady you should know. She describes herself as being “hooked on all forms of life writing,” which includes what we’re all about here at SM 101: memoir.

For years Sharon has taught life writing classes and workshops, in person and online, and authored The Heart and Craft of Lifestory Writing, which I highly recommend—it’s one of my go-to books. And you will find oodles of help at her blog, The Heart and Craft of Life Writing.

So, settle in and take a minute or two to enjoy this fun read. Sharon sent it to us after our recent post, Send us your stories about mothers and motherhood. You'll be impressed with her delightful descriptions. We all can learn from her skills.

Mother Goes Gaga

“Let’s go down to Southcenter this morning,” Mother suggests at breakfast. I leap at the idea. I have come over from Richland with two of the kids to pick up our third, who has spent the past week with Mother and Daddy at their new house in Seattle. Trying to keep the kids occupied at her new house is no easy task. They don’t know where things are and don’t have anything to do. They are bored. When they’re bored, they fight. When they fight, Mother gets crazy, and I get a headache from it all. Tomorrow we’ll go home, but today we need to keep busy. A thirty-minute drive down to this major mall should at least kill the morning.

We don’t stay at Southcenter long. The kids each want to run off in a different direction, and shopping for things Mother and I would enjoy is just out of the question.

“Let’s go home,” she announces after about twenty minutes. This isn’t a suggestion or request. It’s an order. We head out to the car and climb in. While the kids squabble over who sits where this time, Mother digs in her purse for her keys. Suddenly she looks up and her head moves forward as she peers intently out the windshield. Her lips are parted. I follow her gaze and notice two men getting in the car parked diagonally in front of us, to the right. The driver is a nicely dressed young man, and an elegantly attractive older man with wavy, snow-white hair opens the door on the passenger side.

Noticing that their headlights are on, I roll my window down and call out to the younger man. “If your car won’t start, it’s because you left the lights on.”

“Oh! Thanks. Could you wait a minute while I check?” he asks, lowering himself into his seat.

I look over at Mother. Her eyes are practically bulging out of their sockets. Her mouth hangs slack, and her knuckles are white from her death grip on the wheel. She gives a weak nod. Sure enough, their car won’t start. The older man lazily unfolds his trim body from the car and saunters in Mother’s direction. She fumbles with the crank in a frenzied attempt to roll the window down. He bends down, leaning his arm casually on the door.

“Do you happen to have any jumper cables we could use?” The words rumble forth, slow sweet, and mellow as well-aged sherry, giving ample exposure to a full set of perfect pearly whites in the process.

“Oh, yes! . . . I’m sure . . . we . . . always carry them!” Mother is stammering. What’s with her? I’ve never seen her in such a state. I get out when she does and walk around to the trunk. She has trouble getting the key in the lock. Again, I’m baffled by her behavior. She’s always had great hand-eye coordination. She finally gets the trunk open and rummages in the contents. She tosses a blanket aside, and moves a couple of small boxes and a mini-cooler. No jumper cables appear. She goes through them all again.

“I . . . I guess I don’t have them today,” she stammers in dismay. “I can’t imagine why they aren’t here. We always carry them.” She’s repeating herself. That’s not like her. Neither is the shrilly quavering voice. She’s acting like a moonstruck teenager, I think. Who is this man, and what has he done to my mother?

“No problem. Thank you so much for checking.” Mystery Man flashes another yard of smile directly at Mother and bows slightly toward her. I half expect him to kiss her hand, but he turns to leave. “Oh! No trouble at all. My pleasure,” she squeaks at his back.

“Try Mall Security. They should be able to help,” I suggest. I don’t want this stranger to think I’m as ditzy as my mother!

“Thank you. Thank you so much. We’ll do that.” He smiles and waves over the top of the door as he slides back into his seat. I watch for a blown kiss, but the moment passes.

Mother sits quietly for a minute, breathing deeply. She’s only a little shaky as she puts the key in the ignition, starts the car and backs out. At this point, I’m relieved that she can manage to drive at all!

“That was Caesar Romero!” she finally gasps as she reaches the end of the lane. “I’ll never wash my car door again!” Her voice has a distinctly misty tone. Now things make sense. I recognize the name of the classic movie star, but wouldn’t have been able to pick him out in a police line-up — unless the others were women. She said she knew he was in town, but of course she never expected to actually meet him.

“Wow, no kidding? He really is a hunk! Good thing I noticed the lights,” I observe with a grin. He hasn’t lost the magic that makes women swoon, I think, especially when they know who he is.

She just nods, lost in a euphoric daze as she heads up the ramp onto I-5. I’m a little awestruck myself. I wonder if I would have been quite so nonchalant if I’d known who he was sooner. I’d like to think so, but in my inner core of truth, I doubt it. I’m glad I didn’t. I decide that only in ignorance could I have given her this gift.

One morning a few months later, Mother is back in Richland for a visit. I’m busy fixing lunches, and she doesn’t say much as she sips coffee, staring out the sliding glass door.

“It really was him!” she announces out of the blue.

“Who? What are you talking about?” I’m lost.

“Him! Caesar Romero!”

“I thought you were sure back then.”

“I was. But he was in Seattle again at the Dinner Theater. We went and sat close to the stage. So now I’m really sure.”

“Wow, that’s great. Maybe someday I’ll run into Robert Redford or Sean Connery in a parking lot somewhere. I wonder if Susan will be with me?”

We both laugh at this happy thought. I turn to unload the dishwasher and she finishes her rice cake.

© 2014, Sharon Lippincott

Sharon has written more than 500 stories and several books including The Heart and Craft of Writing Compelling Description: Selected Blog Posts from The Heart and Craft of Life Writing, and two memoirs, Adventures of a Chilehead, and The Albuquerque Years: My Life as a Preschooler. She serves on the advisory board of National Association of Memoir Writers.

Send us your stories about mothers and motherhood

Have you written stories about your mother in your memoir? If she died young, did another woman step in to mother you—perhaps an older sister, aunt, stepmother, or grandparent? Do you have a special relationship with your mother-in-law?

Maybe your entire memoir is about that significant mother-figure, or possibly you include short vignettes about her here and there.

Or maybe you’ve written about your life as a new mother, empty-nest mother, stepmother, grandmother, or great-grandmother.

Sweet moments, 

     hilarious events, 

          personality quirks, 

               tragic loss, 

                    courageous decisions, 

                         integrity, 

                              tenacity, 

                                   or high adventure

                                        —all make for great reading.

Here’s an opportunity for you:

Send us one of your vignettes! I’ll share one or more here on SM 101.

For now, spiff up your rough draft. Strive for clarity, fix typos, and make your sentences sing.

Go deep. Go beyond mere memories. Reflect: Look under the surface. Search for overlooked significance. What was God doing at the time? Mine those gems!

“ … The author must impost a coherence

on events he chooses to include

that may not have been present as he lived them….

It’s that selectivity that transforms a memoir

from a report to a reflection

which gives meaning to the events

which might not have been evident to the author

as she lived them.”

(The Author’s Dual Role in Memoir, Biff Barnes)

Write about your delights as well as your doubts. Ask questions even if you have no answers. Include your thoughts—even your struggles—concerning your mother, yourself, and what was happening.

Explore. Untangle. What did you learn about yourself? About mothers? Motherhood? God?

“As memoir writers,” Dr. Linda Joy Myers writes, “we are trying to find a perspective, even forgiveness and compassion, for ourselves and others as we write our stories.”

Helpful Tips:

Click here to review the definition of memoir.

Character development

Each person is complex. Develop your character’s shortcomings, redeeming qualities, beliefs, prejudices, body language, tone of voice, attitudes, and quirks.

Was she sentimental or no-nonsense? Hilarious or dour? Consistent or inconsistent? Gentle or gruff? Did she stand tall or did she slouch? Was she optimistic or pessimistic? Did she stress the importance of table manners? What else was important to her?

Emotions

Incorporate emotions—about both happy, joyful events as well as scary things and grief—not all stories have happy endings.

Bring in adventure and humor where you can. Click on How to Add Humor to a Sad Memoir, Lisa Romeo’s post about how, why, and where to include humor in a sad memoir.

Our earlier post, Method Writing, is a must-read for writing about emotions.

Sensory details

If you want readers to enjoy your stories, you must include sensory details. Invite them to see, hear, feel, taste, and smell what you experienced so they can enter your experience with you.

Don’t miss our earlier post, Details: A must for your memoir. It’s packed with resources for you.

Your opening

A story’s beginning can make it or break it. It can invite readers in—or send them away. Most writers experiment with many openings before they get just the right one. Some don’t even try to write it until they’ve finished the main body of the story.

Helpful links:

Leads, Part 1

Leads, Part 2

Leads, Part 3

Leads, Part 4

Your ending

Pay attention to your story's or your vignette’s conclusion. A weak ending can make a story fall short of its potential impact, but a strong one makes a memoir shine.

Helpful links:

The beauty of memoir: Your vignettes’ strong endings

Maximize the power of your vignettes’ endings

Ready, set, go!

Polish one of your vignettes (let’s say up to 1000 words in length) and send it to us. We’ll publish one or more soon. We’ll give you our email address if you leave a comment below, or on SM 101’s Facebook Page, or send a private message.

Happy writing!

Jessica’s vignette for Mother’s Day: An Unusual Keepsake

Continuing with our Mother’s Day vignettes

here is “An Unusual Keepsake” by Jessica Cherie Errico.

You’ll also enjoy Jess’s two blogs, Jewels for the Journey 

and Mother Daughter Tango.

If you missed the first in our Mother’s Day series,

click here to read Ellie O’Malley’s

“Mom’s First, (and Last), Sled Ride,”

and our second in the series,

Julie Miller’s “Good Direction.”

An Unusual Keepsake

by Jessica Cherie Errico

Keepsakes come in all shapes and sizes. Some sparkle with market value, others appear ordinary and hardly worth a moment's notice. But don't dismiss an "everyday" heirloom too quickly, for its legacy may be priceless!

As I lift the hope chest lid and survey the cherished items carefully packed within, one object in particular stands out. Once shiny, it is dulled by use. The rounded dome is still sturdy and its perforations form a fanciful pattern. This is the aluminum colander my mother passed on to me when I ventured out into the world over a quarter-century ago.

Since then, how many cans of tuna fish have been drained by its capable bowl? Surely thousands of servings of pasta have been prepared with its straining effect. Fruit salads and kidney bean salads have been lovingly prepared with its aid. Children have been nourished and my sweet husband blessed with the use of this colander.

Turning it over in my hands, I observe its sturdy form and my fingers trace some random dimples in the metal. These evidences of hard use murmur to me of surviving in a complex world. Just as the colander drained away impurities and unwanted oil, so too, my mother survived loneliness and disappointment, cancer and osteoporosis, only to forge ahead with a smile.

Bound up in this keepsake are her examples of endurance and a positive attitude, characteristics I've put to the test and have proven to sustain me. How grateful I am for the gift of Mother's colander, and the courage and perseverance it represents. As I pass it to my daughter for use in her kitchen, may the inevitable trials of life be strained away to reveal the same joy and strength of those who used it before her. Bon apetit!

copyright © 2012 Jessica Cherie Errico

“The Story Woman,” Lynn Henriksen, encourages sons and daughters to write compelling stories about their mothers and, if interested, to submit them to her.

Recently she published TellTale Souls Writing the Mother Memoir, a writing guide that also includes 40 bio-vignettes submitted to her by people just like you.

Interested? Click here to read Lynn’s blog post, How The Mother Memoir Came To Life. 

Also click here to read Sharon Lippincott’s related blog post, Mother Memoir.  

Good Direction: Julie Miller’s Mother’s Day vignette

Continuing with our Mother’s Day vignettes

in honor of all mothers everywhere,

here is Julie Miller’s Good Direction.

Be sure to look over Julie’s blog, “Burst of Salt.”

[burstofsalt.blogspot.com]

(If you missed the first in our Mother’s Day series,

click here to read Ellie O’Malley’s

Mom’s First, (and Last), Sled Ride.)

GOOD DIRECTION

I learned something long ago from my mother, something it took me quite some time to appreciate. I've known for years that if you're looking for a compliment from my mother, you're probably wasting your time.

She is a lady of more understanding and insight than anyone I've ever known, and she loves God, she walks with Christ, she cares about others, but she's just not someone to spout off words of glowing praise for others, not even her children.

I think it's good. Honestly, I do. It took some time for me to realize she's done me a great favor by not allowing me to see myself as more than what I am. I know she loves me and is proud to be my mother. I have no doubt of that. And she's taught me so much by example: The praise and glory goes to God, rather than to us.

Scripture does teach us to resist pride and teaches us it's better to receive instruction and wisdom than praise. I think the culture we live in doesn't always subscribe to that viewpoint as the world day by day becomes more secular, but it seems a shame in the way that we're missing out on one of the great truths God would like us to see.

To raise a child, feeding and building endlessly on their sense of self-pride really can handicap them, in my opinion, unless they are naturally of a disposition that will keep that idea at bay. It can be a harmful thing in a couple of ways, one being that it can make it very hard for them in life to follow God's path.

Are you loved? Are you valued greatly? Yes, always, because your life and your very spirit and soul are treasured by God.

God is concerned about the condition our spirit is in because that affects our whole life. I don't doubt He's happy if we've excelled in life at various things—academics, running, dancing—but He wants us to develop spiritually and that's the purpose of our lives that He has for us. That carries over, from this life to the next. Possibly everything else is left behind in the dust of memories.

And so, it's with gratitude and great love and respect in my heart that I offer thanks to God for the things I've learned from Him. And I thank Him for my mother—that He gave me her, and no other in the world—because she has offered me a viewpoint of life that has helped bring clarity of mind I might have otherwise spent a lifetime searching for.

copyright © 2012 Julie Miller

Send me your Mother’s Day vignettes, Part 2

.

Wednesday I invited you to submit a Mother’s Day vignette by April 30. (You can read that post here.)

Several of you are busily writing, and I’m enjoying everyone’s enthusiasm. I’ll select one vignette to publish here the week before Mother’s Day.

Helpful pointers:

Review Wednesday’s blog post and the definition of memoir.

Character Development:

Remember, every person is complex. Develop your character’s shortcomings, redeeming qualities, beliefs, relationships with others, prejudices, body language, tone of voice, attitudes, and quirks.

Was she sentimental or no-nonsense? Consistent or inconsistent? Gentle or gruff? Did she stand tall or did she slouch? Did she stress the importance of good table manners? What else was important to her?

Was she optimistic? Check out The Bookshelf Muse’s post today about describing an optimistic person. Angela and Becca aim their blog at fiction writers, but we nonfiction writers can discover gems for our writing, too. I hope you’ll take time to get acquainted with their rich resources. (You’ll also find an icon for The Bookshelf Muse here on my blog in the right sidebar.) 

For describing the people, you’ll find inspiration from a recent FaithWriters post, Four Dimensional Characterization, by Cate Russell-Cole.

Include emotions and sensory details:

You’ll find tips from Kathleen Pooler’s blog post, Evoking Emotions: The power of Sensory Detail in Storytelling, and from my earlier post, Method Writing.  (I can't get that link to work, so here it is: http://spiritualmemoirs101.blogspot.com/2011/06/method-writing-helps-your-memoir-come.html)

Polish your lead—your opening sentences:

A lead can make or break a story: It can lure readers into it or send them away. Remember, most writers craft the lead after they’ve written the main body of the vignette.

Here are links to earlier posts about leads:

Leads, Part 1    

Leads, Part 2 

Leads, Part 3   

Leads, Part 4 

Give special attention to your vignette’s conclusion:

A weak ending can make a vignette fall short of its potential impact, but a strong ending is where the beauty of memoir shines.

Here are links to earlier posts about crafting an ending:

The beauty of memoir: your vignettes’ strong endings

Maximize the power of your vignettes’ endings 

Links to mother-related pieces in the blogosphere:

While these are essays—not in memoir format—they will give you ideas:

Over at A Diamond in the Rough, Jessica writes This Holy Work on being a new young mother.   

In The Hum of Something Holy over at The High Calling, two of Emily Wierenga’s phrases zinged right to my heart because my mother’s eyes are almost all that remains of the dear mother I’ve always known. Emily says, “…She looks at me with the same eyes that she’s always had.… And her eyes, they tell me she’s still my mom.… ” 

I Remember My Mom, my green tea-cher, will help jog your memories.  

My favorite, Pease Please by Donna DeWeerd, was the Grand Prize Winner last December over at Women’s Memoirs. Donna’s subtlety—what she doesn’t say—is very effective. Her message is powerful, too.

You might be interested in the Sixth National Women’s Conference entitled “Pearls of Wisdom: Memoirs About Mothers” which takes place in Austin, Texas, April 13-15. I’ve never attended one of their conferences but it looks good.

When you’ve polished your Mother’s Day story, submit it by April 30 for consideration. I’ll be happy to edit it if you wish.

Your vignette should be 700 words or less in a Word document, sent as an attachment, to grandmaletters [at] aol [dot] com. (Replace [at] with @ and replace [dot] with a period, scrunch it all together, and that should reach me.) Please write “Mother’s Day Vignette for SM 101” in the subject line so I’ll know it’s not spam. Thanks.

I’ll choose one story to publish here the week before Mother’s Day.

Send me your Mother’s Day vignettes

.

Have you written a vignette about your mother for your memoir? Perhaps you’ve written a story about your own motherhood, or about someone who played an important mothering role in your life.

If so, e-mail me your Mother’s Day vignette by April 30 and I’ll select one to publish here the week before Mother’s Day.

Spiff up your rough draft (or start writing it), keeping in mind the definition of memoir.

In Spiritual Memoirs 101, we go beyond mere memories. Within our memories, we search for greater treasures: what God was doing in and for and through us, and others, at the time.

“… The author must impose a coherence

on events he chooses to include

that may not have been present as he lived them.…

It’s that selectivity that transforms a memoir

from a report to a reflection

which gives meaning to the events

which might not have been evident to the author

as she lived them.”

(The Author’s Dual Role in a Memoir, by Biff Barnes)

“Rather than simply telling a story from her life,

the memoirist both tells the story

and muses upon it,

trying to unravel what it means

in the light of her current knowledge.…

The contemporary memoir includes retrospection

as an essential part of the story.

Your reader [is] interested in how you now,

looking back on it,

understand it.”

(Judith Barrington, Writing the Memoir)

“As memoir writers

we are trying to find a perspective,

even forgiveness and compassion,

for ourselves and others as we write our stories.”

(Linda Joy Myers)

Write out your delights as well as your doubts. Ask questions even if you have no answers. Include your thoughts—even your struggles—concerning your mother, and yourself, and what was going on.

Mull over, sift through, analyze, explore, untangle, sort out.

Examine what God was doing as you see it now, in retrospect.

What did you learn about yourself? About mothers? About God?

When you’ve polished your Mother’s Day story, submit it for consideration by April 30. I’ll be happy to edit it if you wish.

Your vignette should be 700 words or less in a Word document, sent as an attachment, to grandmaletters [at] aol [dot] com (replace [at] with @ and replace [dot] with a period, scrunch it all together, and that should reach me). Please write “Mother’s Day Vignette for SM 101” in the subject line so I’ll know it’s not spam. Thanks.

I’ll choose one story to publish here the week before Mother’s Day. Happy writing!

Next time: more tips on writing a Mother’s Day vignette.

Links and resources:

What is a memoir,

http://spiritualmemoirs101.blogspot.com/2011/04/what-is-memoir.html

The beauty and bonuses of memoir,

http://spiritualmemoirs101.blogspot.com/2011/10/beauty-and-bonuses-of-memoir.html

The Author’s Dual Role in a Memoir, by Biff Barnes in About Memoirs and Personal History Books, The Author’s Craft, 

http://www.storiestotellbooks.com/blog/2011/11/2/the-authors-dual-role-in-a-memoir.html

Writing the Memoir Judith Barrington,

http://www.amazon.com/Writing-Memoir-From-Truth-Second/dp/0933377509/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1332811228&sr=1-1

Linda Joy Myers,

http://networkedblogs.com/puSwL