Tips for using dialogue in your memoir

Dialogue, written well, can accomplish your most important goals: It can bring readers into your stories.

Dialogue, written well, can acquaint readers with your memoir’s key people. It can entice readers to keep reading. 

Dialogue can enhance emotions within a scene. It can add spark and pizzazz—or grief, or terror.

Dialogue can keep stories going—it can provide momentum.

Dialogue can share information readers need to know.

In journalism, writers must compose dialogue that’s true and accurate: It must be what a person really said. Readers count on true reporting.

In memoir, however, readers understand that conversations took place decades ago and that now, all these years later, you can’t write dialogue with complete accuracy, and that’s OK.

"Most readers are smart enough to figure out that

dialogue isn't word-for-word accuracy;

however, they assume the author

strives to be as close to the truth as possible."

Cecil Murphey

As a memoirist, your job is to reconstruct past conversations with integrity. Avoid distortions. Instead, write dialogue that makes your characters convey correct messages. Create dialogue that represents your characters truthfully.

Honest, accurate dialogue is important because your readers need to trust you. If they can’t trust your dialogue, how can they trust the rest of your message?

Create dialogue that sounds like the person speaking. Each of us has our own unique speaking style. Take time to pin down the distinct speaking style of each of your key characters.

Recently I read Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet about a Chinese family in 1940s Seattle. Author Jamie Ford created well-defined speaking styles for his characters.

The oldest generation in this story, Henry’s parents, spoke like this:

“No more. Only speak you American.” 

“...You one big smile this morning, Henry.…”

“...You liking you school now? Hah?”

“...I send you to school. I negotiate your way—into a special school. I do this for you. A top white school. And what happens? Instead of studying you're making eyes with this Japanese girl. Japanese!"

“...You must. You have no choice. This is decided.”

Henry and his wife always imagined their son Marty would marry a Chinese girl, but….

“‘Dad, I’m engaged.… She’s inside, Pops. I want you to meet her.’

“… [Henry] heard a click as the door opened behind him. A young woman poked her head out, then stepped out smiling. She had long blond hair, and cool blue eyes—the kind Henry called Irish eyes.

“‘You must be Marty’s father! … I’m Samantha, I’ve been dying to meet you.’ She stepped past his hand and threw her arms around him.…”

Here’s a later conversation:

“‘But what about afterwards?’ she asked. ‘After you were grown up—after he passed away? Did you feel like all bets were off and you could run wild if you wanted to? Man, I would. Being told I can’t have something would just drive me crazy, even if I didn’t know what to do with it in the first place.’”

The characters’ speaking styles are distinct.

As you draft your memoir, identify the speaking style of each key character:

If you’re writing a story about a cowboy from Texas, make him sound like a cowboy from Texas.

How would an orphan from Uganda speak? An introverted pathologist? An idealistic, energetic first-year teacher? A person whose mother just died?

If your character is grumpy, make her sound grumpy.

How would a charming lady speak? A surfer with a dry sense of humor? A shy teenager? A domineering car salesman?

How would a spinster from Boston speak? A man from Waco? A woman from Toronto? A person with only an eighth-grade education? A CEO with PhD after her name?

Experiment with dialogue in your memoir’s stories. Set your manuscript aside for a few days, then read it again.

Does it convey the speaker’s intended message?

Read your dialogue aloud. Is it stiff? Too formal or informal? Or does it sound natural?

Tuesday Tidbit: Partnering

Here is today's 15 seconds of inspiration,

your Tuesday Tidbit.

The truth of Diana's words fills me with wonder. How about you?

dianatrautwein.com/2014/08/living-with-the-truth

Remember!

This is one of the saddest passages in the Bible:

They believed His words;

They sang His praises.

They soon forgot His works.

 Psalm 106:12-13

God has told us many times to remember all we’ve seen Him do and to tell our children and grandchildren (Deuteronomy 4:9), and yet:

“Many churches have forgotten

the premium that the historic Judeo-Christian tradition

placed on remembrance …

and recalling the right things.

The ‘great sin’ of the Old Testament

was forgetfulness

(at least it is the most recurrent offense).

‘Remember’ is the most frequent command

in the Old Testament.”

(Clapham Memo, January 19, 2007,

“Back and Forth,” by Mike Metzger; emphasis mine)

Memoirists have a great honor, a high privilege: We get to “Remember His marvelous works which He has done (Psalm 105:5).

Memoirists have the joy of putting into words what we’ve seen God do. I’m not talking about supernatural events that would get tweeted around the world—though such noteworthy things happen sometimes. No, mostly we write about everyday events because most of us are ordinary people living ordinary lives—yet God is in the midst of our everyday lives, working out His best for us, blessing us, working out His ultimate purposes.

“Almighty God,

You are a very present help in trouble.

Today, I want to remember all the times

You have helped me in trouble.

I am quick to cry out to You for help,

but I am slow to remember the countless times

You intervened to meet my deepest needs.

Especially I remember _______ and _______.

Thank You, Lord.”  

(Lloyd John Ogilvie, Quiet Moments with God; 

emphasis mine)

Remembering takes time. Remembering requires commitment. Be intentional. Carve out times and quiet places that will give you opportunities to remember, and be sure to have pencil and paper with you.

Remembering, rediscovering, what God has done—and connecting the dots—will knock your socks off. You’ll be more blessed than you can imagine.

Related post: Gathering Up your memories

Tuesday Tidbit: Autumn!

Here’s your Tuesday Tidbit, 15 seconds of inspiration:

Autumn is here!

What does autumn sound like?

Taste like?

Feel like?

Smell like?

Look like?

If some of your memoir’s stories took place in the autumn, be sure to include a few sensory details.

Sensory details invite readers to more fully experience your story with you.

“From where does that thrilling and terrifying insight come upon us?”

"Every now and then (from where does that thrilling and terrifying insight come upon us?), we feel compelled to act. Each one of us are (sic) messengers on a sacred mission.…

Each lifetime is the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

For some there are more pieces.

For others the puzzle is more difficult to assemble.

Some seem to be born with a nearly completed puzzle.

… You do not have within yourself

All the pieces to your puzzle.…

Everyone carries with them at least one and probably

Many pieces to someone else’s puzzle.…

And when you present your piece…

To another, whether you know it or not,

Whether they know it or not,

You are a messenger from the Most High."

~Lawrence Kushner, Eyes Remade for Wonder; emphasis mine)

In writing your memoir, think of yourself as a “messenger on a sacred mission.”

Someone, likely several people, helped supply missing pieces to your own puzzle.

Now it’s your turn to pass on the blessing.

Recognize this: You carry within yourself, and therefore within your story, “at least one and probably many pieces to someone else’s puzzle.…”

Starting today, believe that writing your stories for others makes you “a messenger from the Most High.”

You stand on holy ground.

Your story is important. Believe it!

Write!

What's your memoir's ultimate purpose?

Here's today's 15 seconds of inspiration,

this week's Tuesday Tidbit:

What is your memoir's ultimate purpose? Have you given it any serious thought?

Here at SM 101, Deuteronomy 4:9 is our focus:

“Always remember what you’ve seen God do for you

and be sure to tell your children and grandchildren!”

With that in mind, please read What is Your Memoir’s Ultimate Purpose?

May those words help you focus 

and organize 

and write 

and finish 

your memoir!

P.S. The photo at that link is of my sweet daughter and my second grandson!  :)

Evidence! Shouldn't you be writing about it?

Have you ever held in your hands a chunk of God's love?

Silly question, I know.

You and I can't hold in our hands a chunk of God's love.

We can't take a photo of Him or His promises, but when we live each day by faith, God gives us evidence of who He is and evidence that He's involved in our lives.

He gives us tangible evidence of His love, His power to help, His creation, His protection, guidance, forgiveness, and answers to prayer.

"God has blessed his people—just look at the evidence!" (2 Chronicles 31:10b, The Message).

Shouldn't you be writing your stories about all this?

“ … But he never left them without evidence of himself and his goodness. For instance, he sends you rain and good crops and gives you food and joyful hearts” (Acts 14:17 NLT).

“There's no end to what has happened in you—it's beyond speech, beyond knowledge. The evidence of Christ has been clearly verified in your lives” (1 Corinthians 1:4, The Message).

 The poor and homeless are desperate for water,
   their tongues parched and no water to be found.
But I'm there to be found, I'm there for them,
   and I, God of Israel, will not leave them thirsty.
I'll open up rivers for them on the barren hills,
   spout fountains in the valleys.
I'll turn the baked-clay badlands into a cool pond,
   the waterless waste into splashing creeks.
I'll plant the red cedar in that treeless wasteland,
   also acacia, myrtle, and olive.
I'll place the cypress in the desert,
   with plenty of oaks and pines.
Everyone will see this. No one can miss it—
   unavoidable, indisputable evidence
That I, God, personally did this.
   It's created and signed by The Holy of Israel (Isaiah 41:17-20, The Message).

What “unavoidable, indisputable evidence” do you have that God has acted on your behalf?

Perhaps He provided for you in a time of financial crisis.

Maybe He caused someone to notice you were in danger and call for help.

Maybe someone prayed for you and sat with you when you were desperately ill, or brokenhearted—as if God Himself had sat beside you with His arm around you. 

Perhaps there was a time you were "desperate for water, ... tongues parched and no water to be found," maybe literally, maybe figuratively, and yet you experienced God's assurance, "But I'm there to be found, I'm there for them, and I, God of Israel, will not leave them thirsty" (Isaiah 41:17-20, The Message).

What do those verses symbolize in your life? 

In what specific ways were your "hills barren" and what "rivers" did God open up for you?

What were your "baked-clay badlands" and what was the "cool pond" God created for you?

What caused your "treeless wasteland" and what were the "cedar, acacia, myrtle, and olive trees" God planted in it?

When did you find yourself in the "desert" but God provided "cypress, oaks, and pines"?

You have all this evidence confirmed by your own eyes and ears. Shouldn't you be talking about it...? (Isaiah 48:6, The Message).

Write your stories of the "unavoidable, indisputable evidence that...God personally did this."

Writing your stories of God's involvement in your life will strengthen your faith—for today and for the future, whatever it holds.

Writing your stories will also strengthen your readers' faith.

Who knows what they'll face in their lives?

God can use your stories to prepare them 

and mature them

and use them 

and bless them

in the future.