Back to Basics: Make ‘em laugh

 

“Laughter is a universal language,” writes Chuck Swindoll. “The power of humor to build rapport is . . .  profound. . . . When handled with care, humor will also endear you to your audiences [readers], who will then give you greater access to their hearts.” (Saying it Well: Touching Others with Your Words)

 

You know Chuck’s right. Think back to a time when an author or speaker made you laugh. Charmed you. Beguiled you.

 

The two of you might never have met. Perhaps it was a performer, an athlete, an author, or a conference speaker—but after laughing you felt admiration, maybe even a link. His personality shined through. You enjoyed him. You liked him. You felt like you knew her, approved of her, and would like to spend time with her.

 

Laughter is a bonder, a connector.

Humor offers readers a shared experience.

 

That’s why the “laugh” part of  “Make ‘em cry, make ‘em laugh, make ‘em wait” is important for writers to grasp.

 

Wilkie Collins gets credit for that advice, and writers and speakers follow that for obvious reasons: It keeps audiences engaged.

 

Here’s an example of how humor can endear you to your reader.

 

I once read an article about what could have been a boring subject—a winter squash soup. But the article was no yawner. See for yourself:

 

“I found myself under a misty night sky, the brick patio glistening with rain under the light of the crescent moon. 

 

“I raised a giant Kabocha [squash] over my head, gave out a shriek for good measure and hurled it into the brick. It was primal. . . .

 

“The husk broke loose, and I gathered the sweet orange chunks and returned to my warm kitchen. . . .

 

“There was something exhilarating about starting a pot of autumn soup by howling in the moonlight.” (Betsy Wharton, The Peninsula Daily News)

 

You smiled. I know you did. Some of you even chuckled.

 

You feel you know Betsy, at least a little,

after catching a glimpse of her shrieking

and howling in the moonlight.

 

Humor makes you, the author, feel real to readers.

 

Humor can also lighten the mood during stressful segments of your memoir. When writing about heavy topics—heartbreak, tragedy—humor can give readers a break.

 

Laughter lets readers catch their breath and regroup.

Humor can provide much-needed perspective and balance.

 

In composing my memoir, Grandma’s Letters from Africa, I’d been writing about witnessing (from a distance) inconceivable massacres that raged for months in neighboring African nations.

 

I continued writing about many colleagues who evacuated to Nairobi, Kenya, where my husband and I lived. For months we had prayed for those dear people, housed one of them, and welcomed a couple of them to join us for Christmas.

 

We listened to their stories, wept with them, and welcomed their children to our school.

 

Even though our missionary colleagues evacuated, we agonized over continuing bloodbaths Africans were inflicting upon each other.

 

The daily relentlessness left me numb.

 

Then things got worse.

Violent protests began near our office

and home in Nairobi.

 

Our world was spinning out of control.

 

And right there in the middle of it, I wrote a light-hearted vignette about my midnight fights with mosquitoes—about holding my own mock-violent protest over those most irritating insects in our apartment.

 

My silly little drama didn’t seem out of place in my memoir because that was how real life was happening at the time: In the midst of danger and chaos, wacky incidents popped up. (And I was thankful to laugh about something. Ya can’t cry all the time!) The mosquito vignetted offered a breather to both me, the writer, and my readers.

 

Antoinette Truglio-Martin captured the idea well when she said,

 

“Storytellers need to find  a chuckle

in between the drama and the sobs.”

 

Search for ways to make readers laugh—or giggle, or maybe snicker, or at least smile—in your memoir.

 

• Humor can add much-needed balance, respite from intense chapters in your story. (Click on Lisa Romeo’s post, “How to Add Humor to a Sad Memoir.”)
• It can enliven what could be a less-than-riveting topic, like Betsy Wharton’s cooking squash.
• And it can shine light on your personality and help readers feel connected with you. And that means they’ll be more likely to grasp your memoir’s important lessons and messages.

 

Refuse to take the lazy route

 

Chuck Swindoll writes about “people who go through life with their eyes closed. They look but don’t really ‘see’ . . . they observe the surface but omit the underneath . . . they focus on images but not issues . . . vision is present but perception is absent. . . .

 

“Remove insight,” Chuck continues, “and you suddenly reduce life to existence with frequent flashes of boredom and indifference. . . . Please understand, I do not mean to be critical of those who cannot go deeper . . . but of those who can but will not.”

 

Chuck concludes: “Open your eyes! Think! Apply! Dig! Listen!” (Charles R. Swindoll, Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life)

 

Chuck’s message is perfect for those who write memoirs.

 

Many a time you’ve heard me emphasize the importance of introspection and reflection when it comes to writing a memoir. Of digging deeply.

 

But it’s hard work to make time for all that contemplating and assessing.

 

And all too often we’re in a hurry to get our stories in print.

 

However, I urge you to do what Chuck says: “Open your eyes! Think! Apply! Dig! Listen!” so that you can write multi-layered stories based on not only what happened, but what it all means—what you learned and where it all led.

 

What do you recognize now that you overlooked in the past?

What do you know now that you didn’t know before?

 

And this is so important: What was God doing?

 

What new places did God take you—

emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually?

In hindsight, what new opportunities did He give you?

What lessons did He teach you?

How is your relationship with Him different now?

 

Sit quietly with your story and imagine God sitting there beside you. He’s eager to help you dissect your past and make sense of it.

 

Listen for what He might tell you. Watch for what He might show you.

 

Often He surprises us with what He helps us piece together. What new person are you now as a result of your past experiences and your examination of them?

 

If you want to uncover the profound parts of your story,

you need to invest in reflection and introspection.

Go deep. Refuse to stay in the shallow end.

 

“Oftentimes insight into what all has transpired comes later and in layers,” writes Beth Moore. “One of the many gifts of aging in a walk with God is that you can look over your shoulder and see that some pieces of the puzzle really did end up fitting. Yep,” she says, “this makes sense. Surely didn’t at the time.”

 

As a memoirist, then, your job is to recollect, reminisce, identify, contemplate, review. And snap puzzle pieces together.

 

Beth Barthelemy asks herself, 

and we memoirists would do well to ask ourselves: 

“Am I willing to sit in silence—

highly uncomfortable for those of us who are new to it—

in order to hear the voice of God?”

 

Your memoir: Finding beauty in your broken pieces

“Lord, make me a godly man. Lord, mold me into a woman after your own heart. . . . But don’t let it hurt too much.”

Have you ever prayed such prayers?

I do. All the time. Every day I pray for God to give me and my husband and kids and grandkids a soft, easy life. A life protected from difficulties.

 But Chuck’s words zing me: They tell me I’m shortsighted in my thinking and my yearning and my praying.

Chuck continues: “‘Lord, make me stable, long-suffering, and gracious,’ but don’t remove too many of my creature comforts.”

“‘Lord, teach me faith, make me strong,’ but don’t let me suffer.”

Chuck points out, “We want instant maturity, not the kind that requires sacrifice or emotional pain of hardship. ‘Lord, give me patience . . . and I want it right now!’” (Charles R. Swindoll, Great Days with the Great Lives)

You, like me, probably ask God to remove roadblocks and pot-holes.

We ask him to give us stress-free lives. We want carefree, peaceful days.

We want happiness and joy, not sadness.

We beg God to prevent heartbreaks and detours and setbacks.

But loved ones die. Health fades. Pandemics wreak havoc in countless ongoing ways. Finances dry up. Marriages fail. Children rebel. We do stupid things that hurt others and ruin our relationships. Careers crumble.

We cry out in pain when our plans collapse and our dreams die.

We feel broken and worry we’ll never be whole again—that in a sense we are dying. We’ll never return to “normal.”

But our perspective can change if we realize that every life has its sorrows and losses and disasters and failures and that if we cooperate with Him, God can use them for our good.

That’s what Romans 8:28 means: “We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love him” (NCV).

But does God really do that? And if He does bring good from bad, how?

Chuck Swindoll continues, likening our experiences to a training course: “God’s spiritual boot camp . . . is designed for our development toward maturity. . . .”

Development, he said. Maturity. Like boot camps, our challenges—our road to maturity—can require self-discipline and hard work. A tenacious faith.

All the hard stuff God allows is designed to make us better, stronger. It’s a fine-tuning process, a way of encouraging us to change. With His help, we can leave behind what’s not so good and replace it with what’s better.

Because, let’s admit it. Each of us has rough edges, hard chips and slivers in our hearts, blind spots. Each of us is selectively hard of hearing. Each of us hangs on to some childishness. Selfishness.

But Bill Gaither’sold song offers us hope for the future: “All I had to offer Him was brokenness and strife, but He made something beautiful out of my life.”

Read that again: “He made something beautiful out of my life.”

While writing your memoir,

look for the ways God has taken your heartbreaks,

your ragged edges, your tragedies, your regrets,

and made something beautiful of your life.

Look at this photo. 

Those delightful tiles were bludgeoned, seemingly destroyed. But within the ruins, someone saw worth and usefulness. Someone made something beautiful out of it—and gave it a lovely reason to exist, a way to serve a good purpose as a serving tray.

Examine your life. The Bible says God bestows on broken ones “a crown of beauty instead of ashes. . . .” (Isaiah 61:3) Even within the poundings and the breakings that you’ve experienced, God sees you as a child of great worth to Him, beloved and useful for His good purposes.

He has made and continues to make you increasingly beautiful in His sight.

He has given you a lovely reason to exist, ways to serve His good purposes while on this earth.

Take all the time you need to discover

the specific ways God has put together all your broken pieces

and made you beautiful and useful—useful to Him and to others.

In the process, ask yourself:

What, specifically, is the grout between my pieces?

What kinds of grace and mercy and love are represented by the grout?

Write your stories!

God can use your memoir to help others discover

how beloved and beautiful they are in God’s sight.

Your story can help others live loved.

“It won’t be painless. It won’t be quick.

But God will use your mess for good.”

(Max Lucado, You’ll Get Through This)

How can you speak the truth in love in your memoir?

Sometimes God calls us to take a stand, to take a risk, to confront the elephant in the room. What needs to change in your family? your workplace? your community? your church? your city? your nation? your world?

Dear Chuck Swindoll writes, “All over this world, around us every day, are people who are looking for the truth to be lived out. . . . There are people watching you. . . . Remember, you are here by God's appointment, you are in His keeping, you are under His training, for His time.” 

Chuck's words remind me of a recent blog post in which I suggested that we memoirists can—sometimes we must—use our voices to make a difference. I wrote about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and of the Old Testament woman, Esther, and of a young boy named Hayden. (To read that post, click on On authoring change: Break the silence with your memoir.)

And in the memoir class I’ve been leading, we talked about speaking the truth in love, speaking truth to power, and the correct way to go about it.

Then on Sunday, my son-in-law’s sermon touched on the same topic. Brian said that when Jesus spoke, sometimes he stirred up animosity and resentment, even among his disciples once in a while. (See Mark 6:1-3 and Luke 4:28-29.)

Brian also pointed out that despite the tension Jesus created when he spoke the truth, he also was a man who attracted others, who offered healing and life. He sent his disciples to speak the truth but also to be appealing to others and bring restoration and hope.

Jesus and his disciples lived out that tension, and you and I are called to do the same. He calls us to tell the truth and at the same time serve others in love.

Here’s the hard part: We need to resist being obnoxious and abrasive. We’re to offer others a message of encouragement, to share the truth thoughtfully, gently, compassionately, and winsomely. And we need to extend grace to others because we all need to grow and change and mature. Nobody's perfect. 

“As a change agent, how do you

turn your dream of making a positive

and meaningful difference in the world into a reality?

You author change.

You write and publish a book

that inspires positive action or change

in individuals, communities,

organizations, or the world at large.

The world needs change agents.

It’s your time to make a positive and meaningful impact

with your words.”

(Nina Amir)

Perhaps you’ve cracked open an issue and sorted through it and have come to a clarity others haven’t yet. Take action. Speak up. WRITE.

Make a difference.

Invite others to re-think

their assumptions and conclusions.

Your memoir could help right a wrong.

It could trigger much-needed change and healing.

God could use your story

to give hope and courage to others—

perhaps it could even

make all the difference in one person’s life.

Lloyd Ogilvie penned this perfect prayer for memoirists and those who sense a need to speak up:

“Father . . . bless me with Your Spirit so that

I may disagree without being disagreeable,

share my convictions without being contentious,

and lift up truth without putting others down.

Help me to seek to convince without coercion,

persuade without power moves,

motivate without manipulation.”

(Lloyd John Ogilvie, Quiet Moments with God)

On authoring change: Break the silence with your memoir

This week, as we remember Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., and take inspiration from him, we must ask ourselves: How can we—how must we—use our voices to make a difference?

Our memoirs could spark changes that impact others—not just today but long after our days on earth are no more.

What is God calling you to write in your memoir? What needs to change in your life? your family? your workplace? your community? your church? your city? your nation? your world?

When you think about taking a stand, sticking your neck out, and speaking up, it's easy to come up with a long list of reasons to remain silent.

But Dr. King, who lived out and spoke up about principles the Bible teaches, didn’t choose the easy, safe, comfortable, convenient path. My friend Brian Carroll said this yesterday of Dr. King: “He was a statesman, a leader, a servant of the people, precisely because he radically spoke the whole truth.”

“The ultimate measure of a man,” Dr. King said, “is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at moments of challenge and controversy. The true neighbor will risk his position, his prestige, and even his life for the welfare of others. In dangerous valleys and hazardous pathways, he will lift some bruised and beaten brother to a higher and more noble life.”

Chuck Swindoll writes about a few people who took a stand and changed history: “Only one missionary invests his whole life in a remote area, and an entire tribe is ultimately evangelized. Only one statesman stands for right, and a country is saved. Only one strong-willed and determined citizen says, 'I stand against this evil,' and a community ramps up morally and changes its direction.”

And then Swindoll writes of another who perhaps served as a role model for Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., a woman who knew that doing the right thing might result in her death:

“And only one woman decided it was worth the risk to break with protocol and speak her mind, and a nation was preserved . . . [from] the worst kind of holocaust. . . . In [God's] sovereign plan, He determined that one person could make the difference. One individual would stand in the gap. Her name is Esther [in the Old Testament].” (Great Days with the Great Lives, Chuck Swindoll) 

Sabina Nawaz, in her post, “Rethink Courageous Leadership,” writes this about Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. “For me, King is synonymous with courage. Which got me to thinking: yes, it takes courage to inspire others, but we often misunderstand the kind of courage it takes to lead. The courage to lead does not just involve a bold, public-facing bravery, but also a quieter, more introspective kind of courage.”

Nawaz writes of “a thousand smaller acts of bravery” Dr. King took which enabled him to later carry out his huge, history-making acts of courage.

You and I will not go down in history as exceptional leaders, but that’s no reason to remain silent. We can stand up to what’s wrong by carrying out our own small acts of bravery—in our memoirs, for example.

Nawaz suggests that as we gain inspiration from people like MLK, we should look at them “from a fresh perspective and think not about the grand, daring acts but about the small heroic moments” of those courageous leaders. When we do, we can gain courage to carry out our own small, heroic acts of courage.

You’ll enjoy this example of just such a small, heroic moment:

It’s the story of a young high school boy named Hayden who took a stand.

It was See You at the Pole day, an annual student-led event, a gathering around the flag before school when students pray for their families, friends, schools, teachers, and country.

Hayden was the first to arrive, but he knew other students would soon arrive, so he stood there alone. Praying.

Before long, he realized no one else was coming. But he stayed there anyway and prayed, asking God to use his aloneness to reach those passing by.

And the community noticed. The kid’s story went viral on Facebook. People who didn’t know Hayden or his family, even people who professed no faith, praised the young man for standing there alone.

At home after school, Hayden and his mom scrolled through hundreds of comments people left, evidence that God had answered his prayers that morning. “It’s crazy,” Hayden said, laughing, “because it’s like he answered in this big way!”

In “The Boy Who Stood at the Flag Pole Alone,” Hayden’s mom, Stacey Philpot, wrote these bracing words to people like you and me:

“So to you, wherever it is in your life you stand alone, be it a flag pole or a marriage, a place of work or a seemingly impossible situation, I believe my son would like to remind you God can do big things with your standing alone. Perhaps, for now, you are praying until someone else shows up or takes notice. God sees, he knows, and he can do big things.”

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., said:

“Our lives begin to end the day

we become silent about things that matter.”

He also said:

“The time is always right to do what is right.”

Nina Amir asks:

“As a change agent, how do you

turn your dream of making a positive

and meaningful difference in the world into a reality?

You author change.

You write and publish a book

that inspires positive action or change

in individuals, communities,

organizations, or the world at large.

The world needs change agents.

It’s your time to make a positive and meaningful impact

with your words.”

(Nina Amir)

Perhaps you’ve cracked open an issue and sorted through it

and have come to a clarity others haven’t yet.

Take action. Speak up. WRITE.

Make a difference.

Invite others to re-think

their assumptions and conclusions.

Your memoir could help right a wrong.

It could trigger much-needed change and healing.

God could use your story

to give hope and courage to others—

perhaps it could even

make all the difference in one person’s life.