What have you done with your regrets?

 

We can’t go back and undo bad decisions and failures but, if we’re wise, we learned from them and made positive changes.

 

And here’s good news: Your memoir can help others deal with both success and with failure.

 

That means it’s important to write stories about getting life right and blowing it, about succeeding and falling short.

 

 

If we share our stories, maybe our kids, grandkids,

and great-grands

won’t make the same mistakes.

Your story is important.

 

Someone once asked on Facebook, “What do you regret?” The question got some lighthearted and groan-worthy replies:

 

Cooking with margarine

Using artificial sweeteners

That perm I got in the ‘70s

That orange body suit

EVERYTHING about high school

Reading Jonathan Livingston Seagull and thinking it was profound

 

It’s good—valuable, recommended—to include funny, entertaining stuff. Humor connects you and your readers. It endears you to them and makes them keep reading. (More on humor in future blog posts.)

 

So include some humor, but don’t stop there.

Write your way into more consequential failures.

 

Think back: What do you regret?

 

• Maybe you lament getting into a bad habit or addiction.
• Or losing contact with a friend or relative.
• Not saying “I love you” often enough.
• Spending too much time on your career and not enough time with your children.
• Family feuds.
• Telling a lie.
• Cheating.
• Hating someone.
• Abusing someone.

 

Such things hurt, don’t they? Sometimes painful regrets can endure for years.

 

But I have more good news. . . .

 

One of the beauties of writing a memoir is the pondering, examining, and reflecting it requires. The process can prompt us to ask God and others for forgiveness and to turn our lives in a different direction.

 

And it gets even better:

 

“That God still chooses to use us flawed human beings

is both astonishing and encouraging.”

(Richard Stearns)

 

Yes, God can and does use us, flawed as we are:

By telling our stories,

 those who come after us can learn from our mistakes

and gain wisdom for living life well—

 

but only if they know our stories.

 

So we’re back to this question: What do you regret?

 

• What was God doing in the event, as you see it now, in retrospect?
• What deeper lessons did God have for you in the experience?
• What did you learn about yourself?
• What did you learn about God? His forgiveness?
• How did the experience change your life? What new person did you become?

 

What stories can you write about doing things differently in the future? About getting a second chance? About making a new start?

 

Never doubt this: Your story is important.

“For God to use your painful experiences,

you must be willing to share them with others.

You have to stop covering them up,

and you must honestly admit your faults,

failures, and fears.

Doing this will probably be your most effective ministry.

People are always more encouraged when we

share how God's grace helped us in weakness

than when we brag about our strengths.”

(Pastor Rick Warren, Facebook, November 1, 2021)

 

Write your stories!

Others need to hear them!

 

 

About getting life right, about messing it up

Your stories can help others deal with success and with failure.

That means it’s important to write about getting life right and messing it up, about succeeding and falling short.

You can’t go back and undo bad decisions and failures but, if you’re wise, you’ve learned from them and made positive changes.

And, here’s a bonus: If you share your stories, maybe kids, grandkids, great-grands, and other readers won’t make the same mistakes you did.

Someone on Facebook asked, “What do you regret?” The question got some lighthearted and groan-worthy replies:

• cooking with margarine
• using artificial sweeteners
• that perm I got in the ‘70s
• that orange bodysuit
• EVERYTHING about high school
• Reading Jonathan Livingston Seagull and thinking it was profound

NOTE: When you write about the hard stuff, the ugly stuff, it’s good—valuable—recommended—to include upbeat stuff, too—maybe even a little humor. Make ‘em laugh (click on that link). Humor connects people. It endears you to your readers and makes them keep reading.

That’s important.

But if humor isn’t appropriate, give readers something a little positive—something that will give them a smile or that will tug at their hearts, maybe something charming. Give them occasional relief from the painful stuff.

So include something positive in your vignettes. (Don’t miss Like a sneak attack; it’s one of the most powerful techniques a memoirist can use.)

What do you regret?

Maybe you lament:

• getting into a bad habit or addiction,
• losing contact with a friend or relative,
• not saying “I love you” often enough,
• spending too much time with your career/cell phone/computer and not enough time with your children and spouse,
• family feuds,
• telling a lie,
• cheating.

One of my biggest regrets is walking around a dying refugee on a sidewalk in Nairobi, Kenya. I pretended to ignore her. How could I have been so cold-hearted? I still reel over the long list of other ways I have failed.

Ah, such things hurt, don’t they? Sometimes regrets can endure for years. But I have good news.

One of the beauties of writing memoir is the pondering, examining, and reflecting it requires. The process can prompt us to ask God and others for forgiveness and then turn our lives in a different direction.

And here’s what’s just staggering:

“That God still chooses to use us 

flawed human beings

is both astonishing and encouraging.”

Richard Stearns, World Vision

Yes, God can and does use us, flawed as we are: By telling our stories, those who come after us can learn from our mistakes and gain wisdom for living life well—but that means you must tell your stories.

So, what do you regret?

What was God doing in the event, as you see it now, in retrospect?

What deeper lessons did God have for you in the experience?

What did you learn about yourself?

What did you learn about God?

How did the experience change your life? What new person did you become?

What stories can you write about doing things differently in the future? About getting a second chance? About making a new start?

Write your stories!