Reflection and the words we use

Reflection is a key part of every memoir—a key part of your memoir.

“Without reflection,” writes Amber Lea Starfire, “you do not have a memoir—you have a vignette or series of vignettes that describes events, but does not imbue the events with meaning and relevance. Meaning and relevance come from reflection.”

So, you, the memoirist, reflect on the past:

The first part of reflecting is the kind you do privately: introspection.

• You set aside time to take a new look at what happened in the past—to search for something you missed that was hiding just under the surface, or something that went over your head.
• See with older, wiser, more mature eyes.
• Unravel, analyze, look for meaning, and piece together.
• Make sense of the event.

The second part of reflecting is sharing with readers what you’ve discovered.

How do you communicate to your readers

that you’re interrupting the flow of your story

to reflect on the past?

These phrases help readers know you're pausing to reflect:

• Reflecting on this now...
• I couldn't have put it into words back then, but now...
• It occurs to me now that...
• Back then I didn't understand that...
• Though I didn't understand it forty years ago, now I see that...
• It would be years before I understood that...
• I didn't notice it at the time, but...
• Looking back now, I see that...
• Now I see that I...
• Remembering those days/weeks/years, I...
• When I remember those events, I...
• I had never known that...
• If I had known then...
• I wish I had known then that...
• Little did I know back then that...
• If only I'd known back then that...
• We couldn't have known at the time that...
• I never realized...
• I came to realize...
• It took me many years to realize...
• While it happened three decades ago, I realize now that...
• I have come to realize, over the years, that...
• If we could've looked into the future, we'd have seen...
• It didn't occur to me back then...
• Ten years later I would ask myself...
• Years later I discovered...
• Over the years I've come to accept...

A word of caution from Brooke Warner and Dr. Linda Joy Myers: 

“Some critics of memoir believe that reflection is the navel-gazing part of memoir, and it is possible to be overly reflective. In an article called ‘Writing the Z-Axis,’ Sean Ironman refers [to] overly reflective writing as the ‘bar essay.’ This kind of writing, he says, ‘reads as if the writer is on the barstool next to you rambling about their life over a Guinness.’” 

So, consider your reader:  Reflection is a must for memoir, but avoid navel-gazing and rambling. Discern how much reflection is just right.

Be sure to come back next Thursday when we’ll look at the connection between reflection and takeaway.