I never dreamed I'd be capable of doing that

We’ve all been there. We’ve chosen to do something selfish, mean, immoral—or maybe even illegal.

We’ve made willful decisions that hurt people and bring shame upon us. Deliberate actions that cause life-long consequences—for ourselves and others.

Sometimes it takes a long, long time to admit our transgression.

And when we do, the enormity of our offence hits right between the eyes.

The depth of our wrongdoing feels like a kick in the stomach and we take a new look at ourselves and say, “I never dreamed I could be capable of doing that.”

“Who am I? And what that kind of person am I, really?”

Yes, we’ve all been there.

Eventually we realize we couldn’t hide any of it from God. He knows every detail.

 

Like David, we cry out, 

Oh, God, don’t cast me away! 

Don’t reject me! 

(Psalm 51:11)

And we know deep down inside that we can do nothing—nothing—to undo what we’ve done. We can’t make our actions disappear. We are powerless to do anything to clean ourselves up.

All we can do is fall on our faces, confess our hard-hearted, selfish disobedience, and ask God’s forgiveness.

If our repentance is sincere, God is ready to forgive.

If we’re ready for “…a radical reconstruction of the heart,” (Max Lucado), God is ready to forgive.

Repentance:

“… a radical

and deliberate

turning or returning to God

that results in

moral

and ethical

change

and action.”

(from NIV Study Bible footnote for Matthew 4:17; 

emphasis mine)

Yes, God is eager to forgive.

Remember that symphony from last Thursday? Here it is again:

“God not only puts our sins out of sight

(Isaiah 38:17);

he also puts them out of reach

(Micah 7:19, Psalm 103:12),

out of mind

(Jeremiah 31:34)

and out of existence

(Isaiah 43:25; Isaiah 44:22; Psalm 51:1, 9; Acts 3:19).”

(NIV Study Bible’s comment for Isaiah 38:17; emphasis mine)

God’s forgiveness is complete.

His forgiveness is perfect.

We are undeserving, but “… Through forgiveness, [God] releases us from a debt we could never pay and assures us of His continuing love for us.” (Martin De Haan)

Our only response must be to accept His mindboggling forgiveness, grace, and mercy.

Fully accepting and grasping God’s forgiveness can take a long time, but after we do, can we forgive ourselves?

And after God forgives us, after God takes our sins from us—as far as the east is from the west!—should we forget our wrongdoings? Or should we remember our willful disobedience? Or should we do a little bit of both?

We’ll come back to this next week but, for now, think about these questions. Pray about these questions.

Listen to something important:

Your readers—

your kids, grandkids, great-grandkids,

generations yet unborn—

will struggle with their own failures

and weaknesses

and temptations

and sins.

God can use your life’s stories

to help them turn to Him

for forgiveness and restoration.

Your stories are important.

Spelling out every last detail

might not be appropriate

(more on that next week)

but with God’s help,

you can write stories to bless

entire families and generations.

What stories do you need to write?

(Revised from an earlier post)

Who is your Abigail?

Have you ever gotten yourself into a horrific mess that was dragging you toward certain ruin? Have you made an atrocious choice that would hurt other people?

Did you ever decide to carry out something you knew was wrong, something you could never undo—but it felt so good at the time?

Most of us have carried out—or tried to carry out—any number of vile things and now, when we look back, we’re sickened to recognize the appalling things we’re capable of doing! We’re horrified at how hard our hearts can become.

Well, we are not alone. Even David—yes, the David of the Bible, the guy God called a man after His own heart—committed despicable things.  

On one occasion, David decided to slaughter a bunch of people but God intervened: He sent Abigail to persuade David to change his mind (1 Samuel 25).

Let me tell you about Abigail. While you read, put yourself in David’s shoes.

David and his men moved to a wilderness where a wealthy man, Nabal, owned thousands of sheep and goats. Because Nabal and his flocks were vulnerable to thieves and other dangers, David and his men watched over them.

When David heard that Nabal was shearing his sheep—a time when Nabal would have had plenty of money from selling the wool—David sent ten men to Nabal on a feast day, a day most people showed extra generosity to others. 

David told his men to say to Nabal, “Long life to you! Good health to you and your household! And good health to all that is yours! ….When your shepherds were with us, we did not mistreat them, and the whole time they were at Carmel nothing of theirs was stolen from them. Ask your own servants and they will tell you. So would you be kind toward my young men…. Please give your servants and your son David whatever provisions you can find for them.”

One of Nabal’s men verified the character of David’s men:  “David’s men were very good to us and we never suffered any harm from them; in fact, day and night they were like a wall of protection to us and the sheep, and nothing was stolen from us the whole time they were with us.”

Now, Nabal is described in various versions of the Bible as being surly, mean, uncouth, churlish, stubborn, ill-mannered, harsh, evil in his doings, and dishonest. Read on and you’ll see why!

Nabal replied to David’s men, “Who is this guy David? Who is this son of Jesse?” (Saul had just acknowledged that David would be Israel’s next king!) Nabal continued, “Lots of servants these days have run away from their masters. Why should I take my bread and water and meat and give it to a gang of outlaws coming from who knows where?”

Imagine David’s surprise. His shock turned to insult. His sense of unfairness led to anger that led to a vow to take revenge that would lead to mass murder: David told his men, “Get your swords!” David strapped on his own sword and took 400 men and marched toward Nabal. David said, “He has paid me back evil for good. May God curse me if even one of Nabal’s household remains alive by 
tomorrow morning!”

Nabal’s wife, Abigail, is described in the Bible as intelligent, sensible, a woman of good understanding, and full of wisdom. (What a contrast to her husband Nabal!) She got word of David’s plan so she immediately set out to stop him and his men before they got to Nabal.

As she rode her donkey down a trail, she saw David riding toward her. She got down and bowed before David with her face to the ground. 

“Please don’t pay attention to what my husband said. He is a bad-tempered fool, just like his name means.” (In Hebrew Nabal means “fool.”) By her presence and her words, she tried to stop David 
from killing Nabal and his entire household. She said, “The Lord has kept you from murdering and taking vengeance into your own hands.” 

Abigail knew David still wanted to kill Nabal so she spoke a second time, “Let no wrongdoing be found in you.” 

Abigail must have sensed she still hadn’t convinced David so she tried a third time.

“When the Lord has made you king of Israel, you don’t want this to blemish your record. You don’t want on your conscience the staggering burden of being a murderer.” 

Finally, after three tries, Abigail persuaded David to change his plans. 

When he cooled off and came to his senses, he said, “Praise the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you to me today! Blessed is your advice and blessed are you! Thank God, because you have kept me from murdering and carrying out vengeance.…  If you had not hurried out to meet me, not one of Nabal’s men would be alive tomorrow morning.” 


Who is your Abigail? Who persuaded you not to carry out a sinful act? Who urged you  to refrain from wrongdoing? Who begged you to think of your record, reputation, and future?  

Who helped you turn away from a particular sin and start living in a new, better way? 

Maybe, like Abigail, it took him or her two or three attempts, or more, but that persistence helped you choose right over wrong. 

Like David, have you acknowledged that God Himself sent that person to you? 

How is your life different today because of that person’s influence in your life?

Write your story! Someone needs it.