Back to Basics: Pinpoint the “So what?” of your memoir

 

“. . . Memoirs are much more than memories put to paper,” writes Amber Lea Starfire. “Without reflection, you do not have a memoir—you have a vignette or series of vignettes that describes events, but does not imbue the events with meaning and relevance. Meaning and relevance come from reflection.” 

 

The beauty of your memoir will shine brightest when you discern the greater significance of your experiences.

 

In other words, you’ll need to pinpoint the “So what?” of key happenings—the crises, victories, surprises, and discoveries.

 

Ponder this:

 

Your memoir is about happenings that impacted you: 

you lost your job

—or after overcoming obstacles, 

you landed the job of your dreams;

your house burned down; 

you made the college varsity team;

your child died; 

you survived cancer.

 

But those are on the surface of what happened.

Your story is higher and deeper and wider than that.

 

Promise yourself to avoid simplistic “and they lived happily ever after” fluff.

 

When writing about pivotal events in your life,

 step aside to write segments of reflection to share with readers.

 

Before you can write those parts, though, you must be willing to make time to examine, to decode, to scrutinize. Be willing to rethink, to question your assumptions and conclusions.

 

Probing and questioning and unraveling will help you discover significance you might have missed earlier.

 

Discovering that can be life-changing for you

as well as for your readers.

 

And so, for the benefit of (1) yourself and (2) your readers, take plenty of time to discover the heart and soul and richness of the events in your story.

 

But keep in mind that

you might not know the real significance

until you’ve written your story

and have taken time to mull it over.

The process can take days, months, or even years.

 

For example, when I wrote my second memoir, Please, God, Don’t Make Me Go: A Foot-Dragger’s Memoir, after penning one specific event, I wrote a couple of my observations and lessons about that incident.

 

After writing other sections of my memoir, I came back to that story and, to my surprise, I noticed something I’d overlooked before—a pattern in my life. I discovered additional insights that shed light on my habit of fearing God was untrustworthy.

 

That discovery was a turning point in my life with God.

 

That’s what I meant at the beginning of today’s post: The beauty and value of memoir shine brightest when the author seriously reflects on the relevance of his or her experiences—and shares that with readers.

 

After you’ve written a vignette, pinpoint its “So what?” Peel off layers until you can answer these questions:

• Why was that event so important to me?
• Why does this memory stand out when I’ve forgotten so many others?
• What was going on beneath the surface?
• What patterns did I discover about myself—patterns I hadn’t noticed before?
• How did the experience lead me to change my life?
• How would my values, goals, perspectives, and relationships, be different if the event had not happened?

 

But wait! It gets even better!

 

Recognizing God’s involvement in your life

transforms you and your faith for the future.

 

And God also uses your stories to bless, heal,

teach, and encourage your readers.

 

Looking back now, what did you learn about God? Write about how He was:

• working behind the scenes,
• managing,
• directing,
• choreographing,
• and arranging the details to carry out His best plans for your life.

 

Do you now have a better understanding of His active presence in your life?

 

How did the experience strengthen your faith for future challenges?

 

To what new place did God lead you?

 

How did He shake you up, change your mind, melt your heart, revise your goals, and make a new person of you?

 

So, get out your rough drafts:

• unravel,
• examine,
• untangle,
• pore over,
• analyze,
• sort out,
• discover.

 

You might be asking, “Once I pinpoint my “So what,” how do I write about it?

 

Victoria Costello and I offer you the following tips:

 

“Many memoir writers in workshops I’ve taught,” writes Victoria, “encounter trouble with the reflective voice. . . . If it’s a stumbling block for you, here are some phrases that can help you into a reflective voice:

 

“There must have been. . . . Only later did I realize. . . . There was no way to know then. . . . The way I see it now. . . . It has taken me 10, 20, 30 years to understand that. . . .” (The Idiot’s Guide to Writing a Memoir)

 

Below I’ve listed additional reflective phrases you can use:

 

I couldn’t have put it into words back then, but now. . . .

It would be years before I understood that. . . .

I didn’t understand it at the time, but. . . .

When I remember those events, I. . . .

If only I’d known back then that. . . .

Ten years later I would ask myself. . . .

 

Search your heart for the deeper lessons

within your stories.

Only then can you pass on those treasures

to your readers.

 

They’re looking for them, you know.